Best friend offended by elopement...what do I say without losing her?

She's being unreasonable. You don't owe her an explanation. Just say "I'm sorry you feel that way, I would love to get dinner at another time with you to celebrate!!"

She shouldn't be offended, you don't need to make this right. "This is the wedding that my FH and I want, different people want different things."

I'm with Alecia. If my best friend did this to me, I would be heartbroken. I think of my close friends as family and would pick them to witness my ceremony over my sister and other family members.

I don't understand. You said you initially invited her to the ceremony and you planned the wedding date around her work/vacation schedule, but she's not invited?

I invited her to come to the ceremony, but she said she wouldn't be able to financially or with work. Eventhough she is taking an international 2 week vacation earlier in the month...Also she thinks it would be weird because it's just a family thing.

she's going to have to buy a plane ticket either way, if she really wants to come to the ceremony she can.

"Our decision to have a private, intimate ceremony is mutually exclusive from the fact that you are still an important person in my life."

You already said it. Other than repeating it every day into her head, I'm not sure what else you could say or do.

I would be heartbroken as well. How close are you two? My best friends are family to me, and I can understand them being heartbroken if I would exclude them from such and important day.

Also I kinda agree with others.... My BFF of 35 years would HAVE to be there.... no matter how small or intimate.... So i understand her being upset.... but if she cant make it then im not sure what it is she wants you to do about that

ETA: OP answered my question above....

I am also with Alecia. I would be upset if I wasn't given the option to attend my long time best friend's elopement. My best friend is another sister to me.

I'm getting married at Yosemite too but I'm not eloping. I'm sure you know but it's really cold in October and rains.

Oooh. So she IS invited to the elopement but is choosing not to attend? She doesn't really have the right to be that upset then. It sounds like you went out of your way to accommodate her.

She has been given the option to attend the ceremony, but isn't going because of financial reasons. When I have discussed this with close family members as well I have invited them to both, but given them the option to decide which/both/any they would attend because I realize not everyone can afford to fly all over the place.

I understand why someone would want to elope. But I also understand why friends/family would be upset about not being included.

Ultimately, if they are close enough to you, they should be supportive though.

I agree with Gym, there's really nothing else you can do but reassure her that you eloping has nothing to do with the depth of your friendship with her. She will either support your decision or she won't.

Seem like you have tried your best to accommodate her and she doesn't want to go.

Your initial post and your follow up clarification comments don't align with each other. Really the situation isn't the fact that she isn't invited to the ceremony, it's more so that she is but it's inconvenient for her, so she is upset about it being inconvenient and not because she isn't invited.

If that is the case, then yes, she is overreacting. There is nothing more that you can say that you haven't already said and it's her choice to either support you or be bitter about it. She controls her own happiness.

You can do what you want but you don't get to tell people how they feel about it. I would just have your elopement because it's what you want but accept she's going to be hurt. I'm sure she'll eventually get over it though.

I would also be heartbroken, but it sounds like it was a decision she made due to finances, not that she's being excluded.

On a related note: Erica are you hosting the people who are coming to the ceremony to dinner/reception at Yosemite?

ETA: this isn't an elopement. This is a destination wedding and in a DW, you ask your VIPs if they can make it before you plan/book. I can see why your best friend would be hurt.

She is invited and can't make it because of financial reasons. Not sure what else she wants you to do. Keeping her reasoning in mind, it wouldn't matter if you switched to a traditional ceremony she still wouldn't be able to make it...because of finances.

Whoa whoa wait..

So she can't come for financial reasons? First, she wanted to steer you into doing the type of wedding you weren't interested in, now she's saying she can't come for financial reasons? So if you had a traditional wedding, financial reasons would no longer be a reason?

I don't get it. What am I missing, OP? 'Cause right now it sounds like she's putting the guilt trip on you because SHE wants to be a MOH in a traditional wedding.

Don't live your lives on other people's terms. Your "best friend" would understand your choice.