Best friend doesn't want me to wear makeup at her wedding

This girl has serious issues. I feel bad for her FH. She is being unreasonable. I would absolutely run away very quickly. She is not your friend. Please do not give in to this. It is not ok for her to want everyone around her to look bad so she looks good.

Some of the stuff I read on here .... I’m just like no way that’s real. There’s seriously people who act that way? That is ridiculous behavior and I think you’re friend needs some therapy and you need a break and/or to step away from your so called friend. Oy vey.

Yeah, no. I would just drop out. She's been insulting to you long before this and you're a better person than me. If she doesn't want the best for you by wanting you to feel your best (for eternity in photos) she's not a real friend. I'd not only drop out, that friendship would be over.

This girl stopped being your good friend the moment she started criticizing the things you do. Her comments about your makeup and about you attracting men aren’t comments a true friend would make, whether they’re insecure or not. I’m not super secure with my appearance because I have a lot of scarring from bad acne in my teens/early 20s. I don’t wear a lot of makeup because I’m not great at it and haven’t taken a lot of time to learn. I still would never say “you should see her without makeup” about a friend who wears makeup. How rude can you get.


Honestly if I were you, I’d back out of this wedding and realize that regardless of how long you’ve known each other, truly good friends don’t behave that way.

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I think she's always been like this-- so insecure she has to control other people's bodies. Don't go along with it because others are willing. You and the bridesmaids need to stick up for yourselves. You don't have low self-confidence, that's her problem.

How do the photographer and make-up artist counsel the bride? No one wants a sickly-looking bridal party (and sickly in comparison to a glam bride).

Yeah that's terrible. I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this and hope that things improve.

I don't know how confrontational you are, some people try to avoid it altogether...but she needs to be called out on this. This is not fair to ask of you or any of her other bridesmaids, especially for a more formal event like a wedding. Clearly she's allowing her own insecurities to take over and she doesn't care how her other friends may feel when the bridesmaids should be allowed to feel just as beautiful! They NEVER upstage the bride anyways.

I wouldn't suck this up and just go along with it being uncomfortable. Can you maybe do a more natural look on yourself and show her that you and the other bridesmaids can have a very natural look without being as glamorous as her on that day but still have some coverage? For me, my skin has a lot of redness, so when I'm just running out quick I'll put very base makeup on literally just to even my skin tone out and it looks like my face, just evened out. I mean even that would probably make everyone feel more comfortable. I know you said you don't want to end the friendship...but this behavior is not good friend material at all, and she needs to be made aware that SHE is the one being the bad friend, not you or anyone else.

This is interesting because it's basically the reverse of a scenario we've seen on here a few times where the bride insists that bridesmaids wear makeup and someone doesn't want to. As in that scenario, I think the proper compromise would be for the bridesmaid (in this case you) to wear light makeup - foundation, mascara, maybe some lip gloss. I think it's reasonable to request a natural look as opposed to full glam, but I don't think it's reasonable to ask or expect people to go without makeup completely.

HOWEVER, in this case, your friend sounds mean. Any person who said about me that whatever beauty I had "could all be wiped away" is someone I wouldn't be friends with.

Nope nope nope. Show up, wear makeup, and let her make a fool of herself if she has a fit. This person really sucks.

I'm not going to tell you to end this friendship, but I will say it doesn't sound like a friendship that is adding value to your life, based on the way you have described her behavior to you (even before the wedding). As for this very rude request, I would first decline to provide any more assistance for this wedding (breaking one's back shouldn't be required for friendship!) and then just acquiesce but show up in the amount of makeup that makes you comfortable.

Wow I'm sorry but this is not a friend. Honestly I would let her know no matter what you are definitely wearing make up. And if it's really gonna be a problem maybe you just shouldn't go. Let her find another make up artist. The AUDACITY!!

Unsure if it will feel appropriate based on how the other bridesmaids are feeling, but even if it's just from a photography/appearances perspective I think you and the other BMs should really try to encourage her to reconsider. Makeup photographs so differently than it looks in person. Plus, I think she might actually end up shooting herself in the foot, as photos are 100% going to clash quite a bit if some folks are wearing a full face of makeup and some aren't wearing anything at all.

No to even mention how disrespectful her comments are.

That is absolutely ridiculous. It’s a wedding, people dress up and women wear makeup if they choose. The fact that the bride is asking her bridal party not to wear makeup is disgusting. I’m paying so my bridesmaids have their makeup professionally done. They’re in the photos! And they’re dressing up and doing this for you so why not let them feel beautiful however they want to.

So your “friend” knows why you wear makeup and makes a point of mentioning that to those who show an interest in you?
She has been showing you exactly who she is for quite some time, this is just the icing on the cake.
No way I would allow that kind of toxicity in my life. No way. That’s a whole other level of mean/manipulative/dangerous. This is the perfect opportunity to say “enough is is enough” and walk away. Let her figure out clean up the mess she made.Wowza.

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I had the same exact thought as Natalie. Her photos are going to come out awful if no one else wears makeup - and I don’t mean that as a dig, or to say people are ugly, it’s just going to be very obvious! I have awful dark circles under my eyes, so you can totally tell when I don’t wear makeup. Her insecurities do not excuse her poor behavior - now, or during your friendship. Years of friendship, no matter how many, do not warrant the way she treats you. Just because you’ve been friends forever, doesn’t make her a good one. (Trust me, I know firsthand!) This is absolutely ludicrous. I would push back, and if she insists, tell her you’re happy to attend as a guest. She is the BRIDE for cripes sake, no one will outshine her. She should want her friends to be comfortable, and have a good time too.

Wow. Just WOW. Good for you for even considering, based on what you've said about the comments she's made in the past this friendship sounds like one I'd personally be 100% ok WITHOUT. Her insecurities are beyond comprehension IMO. I'm not sure how old you are, but as a woman near 40 these kinds of friendships are NOT worth your time. I'm not sure what kind of psychopath would want all her bridesmaids showing up to a formal affair without being done up. You offered a fair compromise.....walk from this toxic relationship.

As others have mentioned, just because you have known someone for a long time doesn't make them a good friend. Also, to put things into perspective......if a man asked or told you how to wear your makeup, not wear it etc....I'm pretty sure you and everyone else on here would call that controlling and abusive....think about that...

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I think everyone should talk to her as a group. Like as a bride I would want all my girls to look and feel like their best self on my day. It seems like she is punishing you all for her own insecurities. I really think you need to reexamine your friendship and not make excuses for her. I understand not wanting to end the friendship because you have been friends forever and probably have been through ALOT - at the same time as we get older (and wiser) we realize we need to get rid of toxic and negative people. Sometime you have to close the chapter on things in order to start anew. Sorry I know you don't want to end the friendship, her request doesn't seem fair. Also the way she have treated you in the past with those comments - not ok. I hope you are able to come to a good resolution but her request (even though it is her day) seems unfair.

I’m terribly sorry that you’re going through this! I can’t believe she had the audacity to make this request. Her behavior is egregious. You most definitely deserve to feel and look beautiful as well. Wear your makeup. You should never sacrifice your happiness.

I know she says no natural makeup, so could you do just a little bit to cover your scar, if that's the biggest part you're anxious about? I'm not good at makeup at all but I know there's all sorts of tricks out there. I don't know how to blend one part when there's nothing to blend it to, but you definitely have more practice than me! I'm sorry you're going through this and it sounds really unfair!