C

Best friend doesn't want me to wear makeup at her wedding

CaraB, on May 25, 2021 at 10:04 PM Posted in Hair and Makeup 1 47
Saved
Reply

I am the MOH for my best friend of many years’ wedding. I’ve been breaking my back for months now, even taking time off work, to help her with planning and all the other things that go into a wedding. To be clear, I do not want to or plan to end this friendship over this, I just don’t really know what to do

For context: I am a makeup artist, I wear makeup everyday, and I am good at it. In my opinion (and as my friend had told me) I am significantly more attractive with makeup on, and in all honestly I lack confidence without it. I also have a scar on my face that I hide with makeup, and am very insecure about. I bring this up because in the past, my friend has made MANY comments about my appearances and my makeup to men I’ve been interested in. She says things like “you should see her without makeup” when a guy expresses interest in me, or talks about how “it can be wiped away” if a man calls me pretty/beautiful. In the past, she has apologized for these comments saying she was just jealous I got more male attention than her, but the comments have continued, even recently during her engagement. Personally I don’t think it’s true I get more male attention, given that she is getting married and I’m single, but people have made comments to her in the past calling her “the ugly friend” (I disagree) so I partly understand this insecurity.

This morning, I woke up to a text from her thanking me for all my help these past months, and saying she had an important request for me: that I don’t wear any makeup to her wedding. She says if I wear makeup I will “overshadow” (her words) her at her own wedding and it would be unfair because she wants to feel like the most beautiful person in the room as the bride. I told her that was ridiculous, it’s a wedding, everyone will be wearing makeup and I won’t look good or properly dressed up in the photos if I don’t. I also offered to do more natural makeup and make sure hers was more bright/noticeable than mine (I’m doing her makeup free of charge). She turned this down and said I absolutely cannot wear makeup, it’s her wedding, a real friend would want her to have the perfect day, etc. She accused me of wanting to take the attention from her on her special day, etc. She absolutely refuses to compromise, despite not being able to answer why I specifically can’t wear makeup but everyone else can...

I don’t think this is fair. She knows I’m not as confident without makeup on and won’t like how I look in the pictures. She knows I have an (albeit minor) scar I’m not comfortable showing. She knows I’ll look out of place among everyone else who will definitely be made up.... But we’ve been discussing it all day and she won’t budge. would it be wrong if I just don’t go?

47 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren, on August 11, 2021 at 4:05 PM
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    Wow. I can’t believe she requested that. It would make me question if I wanted to be in the bridal party. Not sure how damaging to the friendship stepping down would be. I know you said you don’t want to end the friendship and we got a tiny snippet that you posted here, but it seems very one sided with her negative comments and crazy request. Best of luck as you navigate this situation.
    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    I'm sorry but doesn't sound like a very good friend. She has made very rude remarks in the past but tries to push it off as her just being jealous. I would flat out tell her that you aren't comfortable with her request so unfortunately you aren't going to be able to be in her wedding. If she doesn't like it oh well.
    • Reply
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
    • Flag
    I am usually on the side of not ending a friendship over anything that has to do with a wedding, but this girl is not a good friend. She should want her nearest and dearest girls to look and feel their best, not purposely try to tear them down. You deserve better than that.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine E.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    Not only did you offer a compromise by doing your makeup more natural, but you're doing her a huge favor by doing her makeup for free. She should be grateful you're doing that for her at all, but instead she's being super negative and trying to make you uncomfortable on purpose. Has she asked this of any of the other bridesmaids?
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    It is not your responsibility to plan her wedding. Her fiancé needs to help, not you. There is an idea floating around that the reason bridesmaid dresses are so plain and unflattering is so they make the bride stand out. Same for no makeup on bridesmaids and other guests.


    Honestly she needs to get over herself. I would seriously question and end the friendship as well because true friends don’t treat each other like that under any circumstance. Set boundaries and tell her no to her demands, and step down from the bridesmaid position.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    This is honestly insane. I’m shocked you want to be friends with this person, good for you. I guess it comes down to what she decides. I absolutely would not let her steamroll you on this but what are the consequences if you don’t budge? Sounds like she has body image issues.
    • Reply
  • Givemeallthepups
    Expert February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
    • Flag
    This would be a hard pass from me. I would definitely step down.


    I would phrase it as: hey, I’m not comfortable going to a public event without makeup on. If you’re not ok with me wearing makeup then I think it’s best I don’t attend.
    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    Your friend is punishing you as a result of her own insecurities and consequently is damaging your friendship. It sounds to me like she has not had any regard for the fact that you too (like many of us) have your own insecurities and her lack of confidence and insecurities is clouding her judgment, such as her refusing your very reasonable and accommodating suggestion that you do more natural makeup.

    If you don’t go to her wedding, that will be the nail in the coffin which ends your friendship, which I understand you don’t want to lose.

    If it were me, I would sit down with her, in person, and explain that you have your own insecurities too and that her request not only will make you feel horribly uncomfortable, but also is unreasonable. Communicate to her that you understand that she has insecurities as well, which is why you want to do everything you can to help her feel comfortable and that you’re happy to have a more demure look on the day, but that you simply will not feel like yourself if you come bare faced. After that, if she refuses, at least you can walk away with your head held up high knowing that you did all that you could.

    • Reply
  • C
    CaraB ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks. I'm really considering just not going but we've been friends for so long, I really don't want to throw everything out over wedding drama. The weddings this weekend btw and this is literally the first time I heard anything about not wearing makeup.

    • Reply
  • C
    CaraB ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Just found out earlier that she asked all of the bridesmaids to do the same. Most seem to be going along with it reluctantly.

    • Reply
  • C
    CaraB ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you. I plan on talking to her about this in person on Friday.

    • Reply
  • Grace
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Grace ·
    • Flag
    Girl, it sounds like you need a new friend. If I were you (and this is only an outside perspective) I would stand up for yourself, tell her you’re wearing makeup and that you guys should have a serious conversation to reevaluate your friendship and make sure things are healthy between the two of you and individually.
    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    That is absolutely insane. This person sounds like a terrible friend IMO

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It's not your fault she is obviously very insecure especially since she doesn't want any of her other bridesmaids to wear makeup. I personally think all of you should talk to her to hopefully help her see how ridiculous her request is. You guys shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable just to make her feel comfortable.
    • Reply
  • C
    CaraB ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you. If all the other bridesmaids decide to go without makeup then I'll probably just suck it up and be vulnerable Smiley sad

    Won't feel much like myself though.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I'm honestly not sure why you even want to be friends with this person. A true friend wouldn't make nasty comments about you like she has in the past or force you to be really uncomfortable in front of a bunch of people or in photos.
    • Reply
  • C
    CaraB ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    We've been friends for a really long time and she isn't usually like this.

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Just because you have been friends with someone someone for a long time doesn't mean that person is a good friend, but you obviously know her better than strangers on the Internet but with the limited info you've shared she sounds controlling, nasty and insecure.
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. She had said some very hurtful comments and has had you do way too much already for her wedding. This seems unreasonable for her to ask all the BMs. I’d have a chat with her about your own insecurities and state your need again to wear makeup, even if just a natural look, or sadly you can’t attend. It can be her choice but I would be so hurt, I don’t think I’d miss her friendship anyway. So sorry you’re deal with this. 😔
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    The duration of the “friendship” is irrelevant. That behavior should never be tolerated for any reason. Lots of friends call it quits during wedding planning for less because it brings out true colors in those people who are not as courteous and friendly as they portray themselves to be. Why are you allowing her to railroad you?
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics