Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy June 2020

Being disrespected

Flag
Hide content

Lynette, on June 11, 2020 at 1:36 PM

So my fiance had his bachelor party last weekend. And of course they had strippers. I was not 100% ok with it. It was a suprise for him and i wasnt really supposed to know about it either. Me and my fiance have a great relationship and tell each other everything. Insaid if there are strippers there, no touching. Anyway there was and als drinking, which i knew and was excepting. He came home drunk and happy and tryed to tell me what happed. Told me there was 1 stripper, then 2. Said he never touched but they touched him, rubbed on his junk, sat on his lap and spanked him. I was ok with it a little. I was not happy about another woman rubbing on my mans junk at all. But i let it go. My fiance works nights so we dint get to see each other much. So a few days later when i did get to see him. Some one told me there were 3 strippers not 2. So i asked him how many strippers there were, just to see if he remembered cause he was so drunk. He literally yelled at me and cursed at me. Told me he was not going to f*** tell me. And i had trust issues. And i need to learn how to trust someone. I was totally thrown back. I just asked a question to see if he remembered that was all. I didnt hound him. He has never talked to me that way. So now i feel disrespected and almost like something happened. I said i asked to see if you remembered. He said i remember everything. Then he canged the subject and was being as sweet as sweet can be. Befire he left for work. I said i already know the answer he said yeah then why ask..he said there were 3 strippers....i.said then why couldnt you just say that. He said because i didnt want you ti have bad dreams like you do and get stuff in your head...i still feel so disrespected for him yelling at me and talking to me and it really makes ne think something happened. We havent talked since because he has been working double. And we are getting married next weekend. My sister told me to let it go. What would you do? Am i over reacting? I dont want to start a fight right befire our wedding even though i feel its already happened.

Show all

29 Comments

Expert May 2021
Jaime · on June 12, 2020 at 8:22 AM
Flag

Hide content
The part I wouldn't let go was the way he communicated with you. That would be a red flag to me - does he normally treat you this way? Is this how he is going to treat you when things get tough in the future?
- Reply
Savvy June 2020
Lynette · on June 12, 2020 at 8:38 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Thats what i could not let go.. and no he does not ever talk to me this way ever....so i hope everyone read this.....we finally got to talk last night and he apologize for yelling at me. He never drinks and he has been working so much, so when inasked him about the strippers it annoyed him at the time cause he was so tired and getting ready for work. I told him it was still not a reason to yell and curse at me and accuse me of having trust issues. He saod he knew things were in my haead and didnt want to talk about anything at the monment. But he did tell me everything that happened between all 3 strippers. But of course i dknt fully believe him and thats ok. At leaste he eased my mind and i can get pasted this. And can walk down the isle next weekend.
- Reply
Expert May 2010
Theresa · on June 12, 2020 at 9:46 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

"But of course i dknt fully believe him and thats ok."
No, that's not ok. And, it's most likely what's bothering FH. He told you what happened. He was drunk and got some details wrong, but he told you that there were strippers there, which he knew you were most concerned about. He probably thought that he was up front, told you about it, and everything was ok. But, you then drop it for days and bring it up again, after checking up on him, letting him know that you don't trust him even though, according to you, he's never given you reason not to. Of course he's upset. Upset enough to yell at you. His friends planned it, he had to at least be a good sport about it, he knew you wouldn't be happy and was kind of between a rock and a hard place, and you have no empathy for him whatsoever. Why don't you try seeing this from his point of view instead of making it all about you?
You are about to get married. A very large part of that is trusting the person you are promising to be with. If you don't, you need to slow down and reevaluate, because it's not going to end well if all you do is look over his shoulder all the time.
And yes, my husband has been to strip clubs. The women there are doing their jobs, to earn money. No, it doesn't bother me.
- Reply
Savvy June 2020
Lynette · on June 12, 2020 at 10:25 AM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
What im sayimg as i dont believe him and thats ok, is...the full details. As in girls asses in his face. As in all he said is they sat on his lap, touch his junk and danced. He claims they just showed him thier boobs. And walked away. No asses in his no boobs in the face. He claims it was just like the strip club. That part i dont believe because i alot more goes on when they are at the house. And im ok with not knowing 100% details. What he told me was enough just to satisfy me...i am looking at it at his point of view. And im not looking over his shoulder all the time. I asked him 1 time about the party. And we were done with it. We just talked about it and now its over. This is our relationship. This is how we work it out. We talk and make sure we are ok. Everything is fine. Thats why im letting it go. Why os everyine acting like i am looking over hks shoulder all the time. No one knows us. Jist what i posted. My whole thing is i dont like how he acted, and i dont like that another woman touch his junk, professional or not. I dont have a problem with any other women. We habe friends men and women. We hug them. We have a great relationship. I dont like strippers. Or anyine touching my man in an unappropriate way. It happened and i am trying tk work my way through this.
- Reply
Expert September 2020
· on June 13, 2020 at 1:39 PM
Flag

Hide content
I dont think youre overreacting at all. The concept of strippers at bachelor parties is beyond stupid, because why would any guy need to do that right before marrying the love of his life? You did mention he didnt know about it though, sometimes guys friends will do stuff like that. Only red flag would be if he knew in advance and didnt tell you or if he hid anything from you
- Reply
VIP June 2019
MIWM · on June 13, 2020 at 4:07 PM
Flag

Hide content
Me personally I would just let it go.
- Reply
VIP January 2020
Vicky · on June 13, 2020 at 10:32 PM
Flag

Hide content
In your last post about the bachelor party you said that you just can't get over it and can't look at him the same way. I'm guessing that his reaction to you questioning him further about the bachelor party and number of strippers is related to your fixation on the topic last week and the fact that it is literally causing you to look at your fiance differently. I doubt the question about 3 vs 2 strippers was just asked out of curiosity.
- Reply
VIP October 2020
Samantha · on June 15, 2020 at 1:49 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I totally agree with Willow. Who cares if it was one stripper or three? That's not the point. The point is that it's not okay for your partner in life to talk to you like that. Not if he's stressed or drunk or tired. Not ever. Willow is right about the hostility, the accusations, the gaslighting, the defensiveness it all has every reason to strike a chord with you and you have every right to establish a boundary that it is not okay for him to talk to you like this. I understand you want to minimize conflict, but by ignoring it you're sending the signal that what he did was okay and it's not.
- Reply

Expert December 2020
Kayse · on June 15, 2020 at 3:55 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

I am glad you addressed the fact that you felt disrespected and he apologized to you. Good luck with your wedding!
- Reply