Be honest... are we being the jerks?

Hello all! So I need to give some background info because this is a little complicated situation. About 9 years ago FH dated a girl for a bit who was having trouble getting her green card. They broke up and moved on, no thought of it.


Well, almost two years later she contacts him that he has a 15 month son with her and she’s broke and needs money. He denied it, the paternity test proved otherwise, they set up a child support agreement. By then, she was engaged to someone else and insisted that she didn’t want my FH to raise the kid, she wanted her fiancé. My future husband at the time both wasn’t ready for a kid and was so angry at her because he felt she used him as a for his citizenship, and money that he didn’t care and backed off. He now sees his son about twice a year and is fine with that.
This is where it gets complicated. My FH baby momma is now going through a divorce and, with it, suddenly really really cares about my FH being there for their son. We moved and as soon as the divorce started, she began insisting we move back, that she wants to share custody, that he needs to be there. My FH is staying his ground and saying he wants to keep the arrangement SHE made and was okay with for the past 7 years.
Anyway, she found out about our wedding and was LIVID that neither one of us had any intention on inviting or including their son. When she contacted FH he changed his mind and agreed that he could come. She then insisted that their son could only be there if she was there, since she doesn’t fully trust FH because he doesn’t have that deep of a relationship with the son, despite FHs sister being fully open to watching their son the whole wedding day. So the question is, given the long and intense history, are we wrong for deciding we would rather him not be there if it meant her too? Or is the morally right thing to suck it up and deal with it?