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Just Said Yes September 2021

Bad Bridesmaids?

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Linda, on February 1, 2021 at 11:05 AM

Okay, so I’m a pretty young bride. (I’m only 19) and I love all my bridesmaids and my maid of honor but they just don’t wanna spend any time with me. My MOH was so upset with me when I chose someone else to fill her position at first but it didn’t work out so I asked her and for the first week it was going great. But now she barely even talks to me anymore. I’m always texting her first, asking her to hang out, calling her and helping her. I love her to pieces but she’s always making excuses or when she does reply to a text it’s always one or two words and then she has the nerve to be upset when I hang out with my bridesmaids and not her. And even then I don’t see my bridesmaids very often. One is my MOHs sister, one only talks to me when she wants me to babysit (she’s my sister-in law, so of course I always say yes so I can see my nephews) and my other bridesmaid (she’s my sister in laws sister) is going through a pretty rough time. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m planning my wedding by myself and I need help but no one wants to help me..

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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on September 6, 2021 at 10:55 PM
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You're honestly advocating that this OP alienate everyone in her life?
Death of family, cancer, illness or injury, these things need support. A wedding shouldn't need that support. Spots in the wedding party are to honour the people closest to you. To honour them, not the other way around. People in the wedding party are obligated only to get their attire and show up.
Shifting people around, like changing the MOH, is going to result in hurt feelings. People don't stop being people just because you're getting married.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on September 6, 2021 at 11:33 PM
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Yikes, do you have a skewed idea of the purpose of bridesmaids. The point of asking someone to be in your wedding party is for you to honor them, not for them to be "support systems and guidance." The only thing they need to do is get the selected attire and show up at the wedding itself - that's the kind of support they need to show. They actually are just there to stand at the wedding - it's a ceremonial honor role, not a job with duties.
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Beginner May 2022
Liliana · on September 7, 2021 at 1:40 AM
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In that case I could’ve just picked a random stranger. Weddings are a sacrament. And your bridesmaids should be people you care for? Otherwise it seems to lose its meaning. History tells us the purpose of bridesmaids. Sounds like a luxury now a days and just something to have just cus every gets it? Not sure I understand the logic now a days i guess. I just know I didn’t survive cancer to have my ‘friends’ bring a joyful moment down. Thanks for your comment.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on September 7, 2021 at 2:13 AM
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Historically the purpose of bridesmaids was to dress similar to the bride to fool evil spirits. Just because the wedding party isn't providing support and guidance doesn't mean they're doing something wrong.
The logic or purpose of a role in a wedding party now is to honour someone else.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on September 7, 2021 at 12:27 PM
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You're still completely missing the point of bridesmaids/maid of honor. Yes, obviously they should be the people you care for. You should choose the people that you are closest to and that you can't imagine getting married without having by your side. You choose them to honor your relationship with them. You don't choose them because of anything you expect them to do other than get the selected attire and show up to the wedding ceremony and stand next to you (assuming you're having your bridesmaids/moh stand next to you, as not everyone does). As I said, it's a ceremonial role, not a job. They should be the people closest to you, that you want to honor and thank for their friendship.
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