Bad Bridesmaid

She’s made her choice. Does it seem flaky? Yes. Is there anything you can do about it? Not really. You can express your disappointment but you can’t stop her and if you try it will come off slightly Zilla-ish

Is she a close friend?? I’d tell her not to worry about being in the wedding anymore because you don’t need her

View Quoted Comment I agree. When you agree to be in a wedding you agree to the whole process

View Quoted Comment She is my cousin and I only have three bridesmaids, including her, so I kind of do need her

View Quoted Comment Yes! If one of my bridesmaids didn’t want to come to the rehearsal and possibly wouldn’t make it home in time to be at the venue at the specified time id rather tell them not to worry and just come when the wedding starts and sit with the other guests instead of worrying about it all night and the morning of the wedding. That would just ruin your day. It’s not about her it’s about you and your future husband!

At least she is still able to go to the wedding. Just tell her to have fun but to also remind her of where and when she needs to be!

I would say “okay. We need you there at 8am the wedding day though. Here is a breakdown of the walking order (&any other info you think is important that will be covered at the rehearsal)”


I don’t think having other things going on makes someone a “bad bridesmaid” necessarily as long as they show up day of. We didn’t even have a rehearsal bc most of my BP wasn’t available to rehearse. It wasn’t a big deal. The day went smoothly and they were still wonderful bridesmaids.

View Quoted Comment Do you want her to be in it because of the small numbers or because it is important to you that she specifically is in the wedding?

View Quoted Comment Absolutely my thoughts as well!!! It’s not worth the stress! I actually had a bridesmaid that hadn’t talked to me for like 3 months because she had so much other stuff going on and we both decided that it would be less stressful for the both of us if she just comes as a guest. It was a really smooth resolution.

To me, if you are a bridesmaid, missing the rehearsal is a big deal. I would tell her how you feel and that if she doesn't show up on time, then she won't be able to be in the wedding. I have a bridesmaid who still doesnt fit in her dress and the wedding is in March. She has been assuring me for months that she will loose weight and she doesnt need to order another size. I've decided I'm not arguing with her anymore. If she doesnt fit by wedding day, then she won't be in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment You totally can’t stress yourself about stuff like that! My bridesmaid ordered a dress that is way too long for her and hasn’t gotten it hemmed yet. I’m done asking and worrying about it, It’s her problem and if she’s tripping down the aisle then it’s her own fault. We have a million more important things to worry about haha

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I can see it being frustrated and really she should commit to the rehearsal dinner but maybe she can walk before the maid of honor so she can know the process. It would be a relationship ending move to remove her esp right before. I would let her know to have fun but that you still need her there by this time the day of like this PP said. At the end of the day she made her commitment to you first and her choice to go to a concert is on her even if she is dead tired the next day.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I've decided I'm not worrying about it anymore. It's her loss if she doesnt fit and has to sit in the chairs as a guest.

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I second this

Tell her to have a good time. And you enjoy your rehearsal dinner with the people who are there. Enjoy their company, don't think of who is not there.

View Quoted Comment This, exactly. I have missed the rehearsals of about half of the weddings I have been in, because they we're far away, and I'm possible to do without taken an extra trip in the weeks before the wedding, or arriving a day or two early. And many of the other half never held rehearsals anyways. The couple, and maybe a parent, met with the officiant, and spent 5 minutes Utes filling people in. Lots of people do not go because they only have so much time. Not required. Of the many many weddings I have been in and been to ( well over a hundred), most where some or all people had no rehearsal, I have never seen anyone go the wrong way, or at the wrong time, or miss a cue, or be in the wrong place, except little children . I have never been to a graduation rehearsal either, and people figure it out.

Is it possible she doesn't realize you'll actually be rehearsing at the rehearsal? I know that sounds like a silly question, but hear me out:

I've only been to one rehearsal dinner that went over the actual rehearsal where we pretended to walk down an aisle, etc. The rest have just been parties where everyone was eating, dancing, getting to know each other, lots of laughter and talking, etc. If she's been to rehearsals like that then maybe she thinks she's not missing out on an "actual" rehearsal. Is this a possibility? I may be grasping for straws. I don't think I've ever heard of a BP member skipping out on a rehearsal to go to a concert...

If she's young and recovers easier from long party nights she might feel she can pull it off. Honestly you won't know until the day-of how she fares. I'm sorry she won't be there, but hopefully, like Judith said, you can enjoy everyone else's company on the night of and not worry about her.

I would be annoyed she missed the rehersal totally!
However, is it her absolute favorite band? If so give her a pass. I’d have a hard time passing up my favorite bands concert especially since they don’t around to my home town often.
If it’s just a fun night out for her I’d maybe have a talk. But, at the end of the day as long as she is there the morning of at 8am It shouldn’t be an issue

Most of us know how the wedding thing works. For me a rehearsal is more for bride and groom to feel less nervous and really get a feel of it. 8 is early but I’m sure she’ll make it work and it will be fine.

Rehearsals are good to attend if possible but not required, like every other pre-wedding event. Don't stress over it.