Bad Bridesmaid

I'm sure she was hypersensitive about her dietary restrictions after the restaurant situation. I don't think what the one BM said was necessarily rude but maybe the BM this post was about didn't want as much attention being brought to her restrictions and that comment (harmless or not) set her off. Give it time and talk to her about it. Hopefully everything will work itself out!

Having read this, I would be very concerned about having them all in a house together. Sounds like the bridesmaid has some anger issues she needs to work on and adding her husband to the mix "to protect her" might only make this worse. I would get this settled before you go. Hate to say it, but I think she is a loose canon and probably needs to go for there to be peace on your wedding day.

Good luck!

I think, as others suggested it would be wise and most compassionate to give her a couple of days (or however long you think is best) and try again to talk to her rationally and work it out, and let her know that you were under the impression that since she chose to remove herself from the situation she was trying to make sure that the day was about YOU and not HER, and that you really appreciated that.

If you can't get her to talk rationally/understand or she continues to avoid you, I would find a way to gently dis-inivite her from the wedding and wedding party.

Do you really want someone whose trigger for physical violence is that thin in your wedding party? That part is extremely alarming. As is her "threat" regarding her own significant other and how she expects him to act at your wedding on her behalf. I can't imagine having that hanging over your head will make this a pleasant planning process and could potentially mar the day itself.

Assuming these two women had not previously met, there is probably some latent jealousy on the part of your volatile friend, coupled with not knowing the person who made the comment well enough to accurately asses her tone with regard to the "i'm glad we found a place" comment. And as others have noted, you have to also take into account that perhaps your friend, while her response to it was irrational no doubt, was indeed picking up on thinly veiled but very real frustration...perhaps exacerbated by other comments or incidents that you did not witness.

Still it's a pretty stupid and petty thing to get heated about. And that is very telling, because there are likely going to be other things on the horizon. Do you really want to navigate that? That's the main question.

Sorry this happened, I wish women would finally just learn not to be jerks to each other. We need each other.