Bad Bridesmaid

You need to give it time then sit down with her and talk. Explain to her that you did not feel that the comment was made to provoke to belittle it was just made to acknowledge that she was happy they could find somewhere that could accommodate her restrictions. I am sure that in a couple of days, after she has calmed down, thought about it she might even apologize for overreacting. I do not feel like cutting her from the wedding is going to do anything except end your friendship and create more drama.

She may have been embarrassed that you had to go to several restaurants to find one that she would eat at. Given that, she may have misheard the tone of the remark. Depending on how it was said, the phrase could have been innocuous or it could have been sarcastic. She probably heard sarcastic while the rest of you heard just a normal comment.

I would be concerned that she thought this was worthy of a physical confrontation. Is she normally the type who overreacts? If so, that's a problem.

Give it a few days and see how you feel. At that point, you may just want to drop it. Or, if this is normal behavior for her, you may want to discuss how her behavior is inappropriate and you don't want it to occur again at any of your wedding events.

Hey Marcia,

I am sorry you are going through this. I'll give my honest opinion. Your bridesmaid friend who needed the special dietary menu reacted inappropriately. I mean, she didn't have to make a huge scene, unless the comment was SO bad, that it hurt her to her very core. But, at the same time I wonder what made your friend make that comment about finally finding a restaurant. You said you didn't see anything wrong with what your friend said, but maybe HOW your friend said it was in poor taste. Perhaps your bridesmaid is very sensitive. Like a bride above asked... does your bridesmaid normally act like this? If she does, it's not right. You chose her to be a bridesmaid for a reason. She should not be ignoring you as if YOU did something to her, when you didn't.

It's your wedding, not hers. Her blaming you is very poor taste. You didn't do anything wrong. But in the same stretch, you have to really think if your friend's comment was made to offend your bridesmaid, or if the comment was made with genuine happiness that the bridesmaid would be able to eat her altered menu, or what not.

If that food comment is going to come between your "best friend" and your special day with your partner, I wouldn't even allow her to come. What type of best friend does that? Acts like that, embarrasses themselves and you while you're trying to accommodate her? Just terrible.

I would give her a shout, either via email or phone, or in person and let her know how you feel about what she has been doing... if she's still fuming about it or if you really believe based off of her responses, that she is going to have trouble with this friend, then sorry, but maybe it's best she just not go to your wedding. I'm still trying to wrap my head around why your friend is trying to make your wedding day and planning about her.... comes off as selfish and she is acting childish.

I would talk to both of the girls separately to make sure the other girl didn't mean anything rude and that you have the whole story before you talk to the friend who left. Either way, she may be expecting you to reach out to her and apologize. I would explain that while you're sorry it got to the level it did and, more importantly, that her feelings were hurt but she needs to see your perspective also. From the outside, it sounds like a petty argument, especially given that it was your bachelorette party but that isn't always fair to say. Best of luck with everything!

It was wrong to not find a restaurant ahead of time that could accommodate your BM’s dietary needs. How humiliating for her to go to “several places” before finally finding a place that could accommodate her. Yes her reaction was out of line, but the whole situation could have been avoided with a little consideration and fore thought. Give it time for everyone’s emotions to settle.

Everything you said is 100% true. If this girl is really your friend I think you should go to her genuinely and explain everything you just said and if she continues to behave like she did then that is her decision and she is putting herself before your happiness. (which is what this is all about!)

Were her dietary restrictions new or did you know about them before? Not hearing the way it was said makes it hard to know if she took it too personally but to get to the point where she thought she'd get physical is so over the top. There must be more going on in her life that made her flip like that. I'd have a nice sit down with her and see what is going on.

Also make sure she has a meal she can eat at the wedding that fits into her dietary restriction.

Thank you all for your comments! This bridesmaid lives out of state and did not know any of the other girls. There were 7 of us all together and there were 2 girls who did not know anyone. I made sure that the girls hosting the weekend knew about her dietary restrictions which happens to be gluten and dairy free (she has celiac, but has elected to be dairy free). Reservations were made for breakfast with her needs in mind. It was when we showed up to the restaurant that they informed us their breakfast was pastries and not the normal menu for that day. She is by far the most high maintenance friend I have, not because of her dietary restrictions, that's just her personality. I have only seen her try to cause a physical altercation once before - drunk on the street during Mardi Gras which was not too alarming at the time. She even made the comment to me her husband would protect her at the wedding and say something to the girl since I decided not to protect her. Which is probably why I am concerned about moving forward with her in my wedding party. We are having a destination wedding and my fiance and I have rented a house for everyone to stay at in the wedding party. The other girls husband is a childhood friend to my fiance and is a groomsman.

I wanted the girls to sit down at the time to talk through it because I didn't think anything was meant by the comment, but my bridesmaid was NOT capable of it. She has a very high stress job as well. In all honesty I think that is why I gave her a pass in the first place for her bad behavior. We would have talked about it in a rational manner and it would have been made clear that any further nonsense regardless of who says what or who does what will not be tolerated.

As I said when she left, her and I were fine. I got up early the next morning and called her, I sent her a text message as well and I did the same Monday, with no response from her. I will give her a chance to cool off from the drama she created, but each day that goes by makes me angrier at her for being selfish and less trusting of her to take a backseat from the lime light to let it be focused on me.

Based on your update, I would let her cool off and speak with her in a few days. She was being incredibly unreasonable, especially since an effort was made to accommodate her diet. It wasn't anyone's fault the restaurant had a different menu. I'm also GF and DF with an number of other intolerances, and I'm always grateful people accommodate my diet. It sounds like you went out of your way to make sure she could eat breakfast.

I agree with this. I have severe food allergies and if someone told me that they were glad a restaurant that could be found that everyone could enjoy I wouldn't take offense to it. She seemed to be overly sensitive about it. Give her a few days but set something up to talk and hang out this weekend.