Backyard weddings

At some fringe times of year, you can pay a deposit on a tent, cancel it three days before and then lose that money.

It's worth it.

Tia- That is gorgeous!! I love it!! Very inspiring.

There are so many more things you are going to need that I'm not sure you are thinking about -

1. Dance floor

2. Ice

3. Silverware, glasses, all the food service items (unless included in your catering budget)

4. All the other vendors - photographer, cake, florist, MUA, HUA, stationery, etc.

Please do not allow your guests to clear their own place setting, besides, do you want all your china broken in a pile on the floor when one person tries to play Jenga and add one more piece to the tottering pile.

Hire a DOC, you will need one, desperately. Most backyard weddings need them, there are so many more things that can go so very wrong.

Get insurance, besides serving alcohol, you are right on the edge of a river.

Check that you can actually self serve alcohol, in most places you can't, or shouldn't.

Brandy- Thanks, thats helpful! I put some thought into a dance floor but wasn't sure what to do about that or if there was really adequate space. Ice, photographer, cake are all thought of- Florist i was going to do without besides for my bouquet. Stationary is another one that I've put thought into, at least so far as our std's and invites.

I didn't think through the clearing of china though, you make a good point.

DOC is something I'm going to definitely look into, especially if we settle on the backyard idea. Insurance would be something that we would definitely get as well.

I didn't think self-serving alcohol would be an issue. I figured it would be the same as inviting friends over and having some beers at a bbq. I can understand why it would be an issue though, just didn't think to even look into that.

Thanks!

You could also skip the China.

I'm planning a backyard wedding and we are doing paper plates and single serve beer/cider/wine so there is easy clean-up. We are bringing in a huge order of wood fired pizzas from a nice local place or two. Cake is from a small local bakery. FH is a furniture designer so he is building the tables and benches then we are selling them after the wedding.

I feel like there is a lot of pressure on here sometimes to do things a certain way. It can be discouraging.

We are simply having a casual backyard wedding. Lots of people do it but I don't think it's the type that hangs out on wedding blogs.

It can work if you want a non-traditional wedding or as others have said it may be cheaper to get an less expensive venue if you want a traditional wedding.

Kelsey- Thanks for that! Im getting really discouraged, and in my head it works out perfectly. It might not be traditional or what most brides want, but I don't see why it can't work. I want it to be beautiful but I don't want to spend 20 thousand on it. To me, this is fine and can work, but I feel like I'm getting shot down. I'm okay with the diy aspect of it and putting time in. I know people mean well and are trying to give honest advice so I'm not taking it to heart but its very discouraging.

If money was not a problem, I would look more into venues and doing that. I would much rather freak out over how to arrange the tables so everyone can fit and figure out the waitstaff and whether or not we should get a tent than to worry about coming up with $15,000, most likely more than that, for a wedding. We're paying for this completely on our own. We want to buy a house, and things that every couple wants. As it is, there will most likely be no honey moon. I think this is why my aunt is offering her property to us- she knows we need help and this is how she can help us. I'm so appreciative of it, and if people coming to our wedding don't like that there is no one to clear there plate (if we decide on no waitstaff) or that they have to use a porta-potty, or that there is no dance floor- then I probably wouldn't want them there to start with and should not have invited them. I'm inviting people to come and celebrate with us- this does not mean I need to serve them a 4 course meal and have a waiter pour them there wine all night.

I don't mean to sound rude, but I really don't see an issue with these types of things, especially with our guests. I know not everyone is okay with this type of wedding- and I can see that its not all that common on blogs, but I didn't think it was a taboo thing.

Glad to know there are some people on here that have gone this route. Its reassuring!

So thanks for that- makes me feel a lot better! And to know you're going the backyard route also lets me know its possible!

Just want to add to everything other ladies have already said. Generator! We are renting one that can basically power a small carnival. It is supposedly quiet, but will be able to power everything we need. Even though my parent's have outdoor power, we would rather be safe than sorry. Our caterer has staff, but we are going disposal with plates/silverware. I didn't want to, but adding China instead almost added $2000 to the price, and I am not willing to pay it. If you're providing your own plates, still expect to pay a service charge for cleanup, when I asked, it upped from 15% for disposable to 25%. So many little things. Overall, we are still saving money. The halls near me were already booked 2 years out, and had ostentatious food prices (one was $56 per person!!!). We are definitely hiring a DOC who actually starts helping up to 2 weeks before the wedding. Edited for spelling

@Kelsey and @Amanda, I definitely felt a little of an odd duck on here as I was planning our ultra casual wedding but if I hadn't been a part of this forum, there are a lot of small details I would have missed.

It can definitely feel a little discouraging when others aren't feeling your "vision," but in the end: it's your wedding! And we're here to help you make it perfect for you.

Don't mistake the commenters advice on this thread as snark: we all just want you to have a great day and know what to expect.

Hire staff to put out the buffet food, refill trays, clear plates, and bartend.

Hire staff to put out the buffet food, refill trays, clear plates, and bartend.

Hire staff to put out the buffet food, refill trays, clear plates, and bartend.

@catsbonincats oh I think everyone on this thread is being helpful! :3

It still gets discouraging when everyone points out all these extra things that yes would be great to have but

lots of people throw lake house bbq parties for 50 people. They don't get permits or tents.

If your flexible and the majority of your guests live in that town it's doable.

@amanda good luck planning :3

I agree I want it to be fun and a good time. And you can do that!

@Kelsey - yes people throw backyard, BBQ lake parties, but a party is not the same thing as a wedding. There are different expectations, different events and this is a once in a lifetime moment. Not every weekend in the summer.

@Amanda - please don't be discouraged, it can be done, it can be beautiful, but it will take a ton of work (before, during and after) and resources that we are just trying to remind you of. I would hate to see a guest injured because they were dancing on grass and twisted their ankle, a over indulgent guest take their car home on that long road and get into an accident, all your hard work collecting beautiful china just to see it broken into pieces because you wanted to save a small amount of money and not hire people to clean up, to serve alcohol or to bring in a dance floor.

I've done enough of these back yard shindigs to know that it's not, "hey kids, lets put on a show!"

You need a coordinator. You need waiters, and insurance and more help that you can even imagine at this point.

You need food and booze and people to deal with it and serve it.

You need a plan B; tenting, dance floor, and lighting.

You're not getting shot down; you're getting actual real things to think about, but when a poster starts going in the, "My guests shouldn't care if there is a porta potty or dance floor, if they have to bus their own plates....if there isn't wine all night or a four course dinner" then I know where it's going. It's going to "we'll do what we want and the people who love us won't care."

They will.

And like Mark Cuban or Mr. Wonderful....I'm out.

@brandy I guess for me... I see my wedding as a fun party with a short Ceremony were two people agree to spend forever together before the party begins. :3

But again I may be in the non-traditional boat over here

Don't get discouraged, several of the brides on here said they actually had that type of wedding. They are just trying to help you think of the logistics that you may not have considered so you can decide if this type of event is for you. The good thing is you have tons of time to research vendors and hash out the little details but planner or doc would definitely help coordinate all your vendors and make sure you don't forget any details. I think you could do high quality plastic plates and cups, if you decide to go the China rout you have to think about what happens when everyone leaves and someone has to clean up. You certainly don't want your family or you yourself to be stuck cleaning up on your wedding night. And my sister found a company that let her reserve a tent and she could cancel up to 24 hours in advance and she didn't have to pay a thing. The only catch was the couldn't guarantee an all white tent, some of them had stripes like you see at company picnics and what not.

I once had my heart set on a romantic outdoor backyard wedding. I blame Pinterest and chick flicks. I looked into a mansion you could rent with a backyard but it was too expensive. The event center we ended up going with comes with all the tables chairs staff exc and it's free to rent we just pay for food/drinks. The DIY rout is not necessarily going to be cheaper in the end, but you still have time to explore all your options and price out vendors.

Thanks Brandy, thats all really helpful.

I do not intend to come off rude or anything- I'm simply stating that I think my vision is a lot different from what others are thinking. I really don't know how to describe how I envision it working it out, but it is NOT a graduation setting or anything like what I think others are thinking.

Its going to come together as an elegant, but NOT formal gathering of friends and family. While I'm having alcohol as self-served, it is not going to be some highschool bonfire kegger. I am going to have limited supply of the pre-made liquor drinks, tubs with bottled beer and canned soda, and wine.

I imagine it to look very romantic and vintage, yet still comfortable and laid back. Its not going to be a kegger where everyone does keg stands and throws china into the bonfire and runs into the river.

People might think by how I've described it that that is the case. I simply don't know how to describe the type of environment were going for and the people that will be attending.

I understand everyones opinions and that theyre trying to give me honest advice, and I am in no way upset about that. I'm more a little confused as to why this is seen as something that is not only costly, but can't be done. I do not have a large list of people coming, I am 100% okay with the DIY aspect, as I had already planned on this with whatever venue we went with, I realize I need to rent a tent, porta-pottys, tables, chairs- this does not add up to some crazy amount of money. Its actually so much cheaper than a venue its unbelievable. Heck, if I have to make the food and bring it in myself I will, its not that big of a deal to me. I know youre all thinking "She doesnt know what shes in for". Yes, I do know. It requires planning and organization. It can be done and it can be done for way less than any venue I've looked at.

Honestly, my guests will be ok with bussing their own table and having to get up to refill their drink. Its not that big of a deal. This has nothing to do with "people who love us wont care", it has to do with the fact that if I don't hire waitstaff, it wont ruin my wedding. People are still going to have a good time, regardless of if they had to put their dish into a bin on their own and if they had to refill their own wine glass. Oh the horror. REALLY?

I will do what I want, obviously, it is my wedding, but who wouldnt do what they wanted for THEIR OWN wedding? And if people don't like it that we didn't have someone clear there plate, okay. Let them not like it. I really don't care.

IF we decide to hire waitstaff, we do. If we don't, then we don't.

I know weddings arent only about the bride and groom, that you have to cater to your guests and make sure theyre comfortable and its accommodating. But since when did refilling your own glass become wrong? Its not like I'm expecting guests to give us 200 dollars for their plate. As I've already expressed- its a backyard wedding. Its not traditional in certain aspects. Its going to be just as beautiful and fun as a regular wedding.

I know everyones budget is different and we all have different style, I just didnt think mine was that odd.

I'm not going for ballroom here. I realize its outdoors. But outdoors and cheap does not mean "graduation" or "kegger". I realize its not going to cost nothing, but its certainly not going to cost the price of venues. Maybe the areas that we all live are drastically different in prices, because this is the cheapest route I've seen.

Sorry if this sounds mean, I'm really not trying to be. And I don't mean to say anyone is giving mean advice, its just a bit discouraging and I feel like my vision of it is getting shot down and that its not possible. I understand it takes work. I don't need to be told that- I just simply want to know what others have done and what worked for them and their budget. I understand the basics. I understand I should get waitstaff. I do not HAVE to though, and it will not ruin my wedding if I don't. Again, I dont mean to sound rude, I do appreciate the advice, I just feel like I'm being told this can't work because others cant envision a wedding without waitstaff.

I appreciate all the advice from you ladies and anymore you have is welcome!

MN bride- Thanks! I know some have done backyard, but I think most people aren't realizing what I mean. I know its not going to be free, I know I have to shell out money for things and that it adds up, but this is cheaper for us. I have yet to find a venue thats under 10,000. And thats not including food. I know we can find a banquet hall or something along those lines with limited or no alcohol indoors and it would probably be similar in pricing, but I really don't want that. I'd rather sacrifice some things for it to be outdoors and have the option for me to bring in decor and customize it.

lol, I so blame pinterest though, you are so right. They make it look to breezy and easy. I know its not going to be, but I have a lot of time, as you said, to shop around and research things.

ALSO- I just reread my last post, and it sounds like I'm coming off rude, but I am really not trying to be. I just don't think of certain things as being as important as others do, like a dj and waitstaff. I realize why others do, but for our setting and guests, I don't see it as an issue.

Initially, that's what we planned. By the time we added the costs, we decided it would be more expensive and time-consuming than renting a venue. Now, we can let someone else do the work for us!

We wanted to do a backyard wedding too. The cost of chairs, tables, restroom stations, ETC was MORE expensive than an upscale venue that included food in their price so we opted elsewhere. Besides, who likes Porta potties? (We certainly didn't want 80 people trimming through our home for the loo!)