Backyard Weddings: The Ugly Truth

Obviously this is a generalization, just as saying all hotel weddings are well planned and hospitable.

Sorry you had such a miserable time.

@ Kate and 3. Not planning for the weather

This has nothing to do with a backyard wedding, but poor planning and expecting too much of friends and family.

Wow!!!

Doing backyard weddings the cheapest way is the issue. Sounds like your peoples cut every corner and planned a piss poor event.

While i would never say all backyard weddings suck, I don't think it's a generalization to say that backyard weddings are pretty hard to pull off properly. The sheer amounts of things you have to hire, purchase, take into account of. Things are bound to go wrong more so than if you just booked an all inclusive venue.

Yea I'd say this is more the bride and groom than backyard wedding. My bff just had a backyard wedding that was amazing in June! Awesome catered food (it was really hot, but everyone still had a blast!) they had a ceremony musician that played through dinner then switched to an iPod for dancing. They rented a tent with tables and chairs and her dad built the arch they got married under. It was gorgeous! They also provided their own alcohol and had plenty left over.

ETA: it was not any cheaper, and they only had like 75 people? I could never do it as we have 200 guest list, but it CAN be done right

To be honest, have never been to a decent backyard wedding, there is so much planning and work Invved and most brides I here who want a backyard wedding do so because they are on a budget. They don't realize what a pain in the ass it is for family, friends, and guests. Please-- if any bride on here was thinking of a backyard wedding and hasn't worked out logistics and thinks they can go with the flow please use my testimony as a cautionary tale

Honestly, have never been to a decent backyard wedding. This PSA was for all those brides who think rustic, chill BBQ/potluck weddings are easy to pull off. They are not. They are a pain in the ass for family and friends who will never say anything to your face

I don't think it's an unfair generalization to say that most backyard weddings are poorly done. Doing a backyard wedding properly is more expensive than a traditional venue.

Wow sounded like a bad cheap wedding I all for the cheaper the better but not skimping on the overall quality, mood and feel.

@CaboBride 2018--agree. To properly host a backyard wedding requires a lot of planning and foresight. If that's not your specialty, then rethink your "casual backyard wedding" for the sake of your guests and any family & friends you need to help you. Logistics like trash, recycling, bathrooms, and keeping food and beverages at the proper temperature become more difficult in a backyard d setting and if you don't plan ahead you're in for a sh!t show

My wedding was chill/BBQ catered and it was awesome. Not in a back yard but the venue was not inclusive. It only included the venue itself and parking for guests. BBQ can be great for a wedding if that's what you are interested in. The caterer should be reputable. This post really boils down to planning adaquetly. Not necessarily the food chosen "Rustic BBQ" or the fact that this happened to be a "backyard wedding." you can have a crap wedding at a super nice venue due to poor planning. Doesn't mean backyard wedding with BBQ will be a shit show.

I was going to do a back yard wedding .. then began pricing everything out .. nope no way I don't have a 40 k budget lol

@ O&S--yup, that's exactly what the bride and groom said. "Everything was perfect and went great. Our friends and family helped out and we feel so loved." I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all for pitching in and helping, but don't run out of food or think you don't need food for your guests at cocktail hour while you sip a $50 bottle of champagne in private. Or send me & my hubby on a drink run to the store because you "don't think anyone will drink soda" even after I told you to think about the designated drivers and numerous children who would be at the wedding. And as for bathrooms-- a port-a-potty. Gross.

I've never been to a backyard wedding but I've been to backyard bridal/baby showers, and the food /liquor was always ample and the proper temperature. There are certain life events appropriate for a back yard; a wedding in this climate (New England) is not one of them. I've been to really low-budget banquet hall weddings before, and I always felt more bad for the bride/groom than myself. You should never feel obligated to attend a wedding, especially if you are uncomfortable with the locale. Did the OP's couple of reference do the backyard wedding because it was all their budget would allow, or are they affluent and stingy? Something else to consider, since a certain income level verification is not a pre-requisite for marriage.

Weather is sooo unpredictable all year long where I live. I don't know how anyone can plan a backyard wedding without getting a weather proof tent and heaters if it's not in the summer!

I mostly agree with you here.

There was a BAM recently regarding a backyard wedding that was done well. She also mentioned that it was not in any way cheaper than a normal wedding and pleaded with others to understand that, unless they had a sentimental reason to do that location, to think about another location.

I think that says it all.

ETA: my great-aunt married my great-uncle in his parents' backyard. Not sure what size yard they had, but - it was the late 1950s, early summer, Massachusetts. My grandmother showed me the newspaper clipping when I was younger and making arrangements for my first wedding. Looks as though great-aunt's was pretty upscale/large for a yard. There were over 300 guests in attendance, including five bridesmaids, five groomsmen, a flower girl, ring bearer, musician, and catering company. Theirs was an Italian immigrant family, moderate middle class if that. Weddings have actually gotten much smaller over the years. My grandmother used to tell fond stories about how much she enjoyed the food, drink, and music from her sister's wedding. If you are invited to a modern outdoor wedding and the bride or groom's family have an ample sized, gorgeously landscaped yard with tents/tarps, etc. to keep out cold/rain/bugs and a way of keeping food fresh and seasonally appropriate, it could be possible, but I personally would never attempt it, not even for an encore wedding. People should not choose a backyard wedding solely to save money, since there are plenty of affordable alternatives: gardens, vineyards, parks, B&Bs, libraries, beaches. It's possible to have a gorgeous wedding on a shoestring budget, but it takes careful planning and prioritizing.

My wedding will be in my in laws backyard. I know that it will work out because they've had huge parties like this before that went well, including their vow renewal. We'll have a tent, we'll have 2 brand new porta pottys, we're having an amazing caterer, and an open bar with all the works. The best part is we don't have to worry about leaving at a certain time, or meeting a food or guest minimum, which was one of the biggest reasons we chose this route since our guest list was less than 100.