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Expert October 2020

Back up best man?

Futuremrsm, on May 20, 2019 at 8:31 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 4

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So my and my FH are not having a traditional wedding by any means. He is really close with his grandfather, and has decided that he wants to ask him to be his best man. This is super sweet and will definitely make his grandad si happy. However, there is an issue that I have brought up. His grandpop has severe back pain and PTSD from being a veteran. If he goes to a family function he has to leave early because he is in pain. We try to have lunch with my FHs grandparents once a month, but his grandpop usually doesnt go because he doesnt feel good. I know he would love to be best man, but i know he would be upset if he didnt feel good and had to leave the wedding early. I brought up the idea of having a backup best man (all of the groomsmen are family so they understand grandpops condition). We would ask someone to be able to read grandpops speech if he can't and just take over duties if needed. Do you think this is a good alternative?

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Clíodhna, on May 23, 2019 at 7:21 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 20, 2019 at 8:37 AM
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I don't think you need to give them the title of "backup best man," but as long as it's okay with his grandfather, I think it would be fine to ask someone to read his speech if he has to leave early.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on May 20, 2019 at 11:56 AM
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I agree with this. Once the ceremony is over (and possibly the speech if speeches are planned), then there are no best man "duties". So no need to arrange for a back up other than finding someone who would be willing to maybe read a speech.
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Super October 2019
Jenna · on May 20, 2019 at 7:25 PM
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My thoughts exactly. I'm sure one of the other family members in the BP would be happy to read it for him if he can't stay until that point.
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WeddingWire Administrator January 2030
Clíodhna · on May 23, 2019 at 7:21 AM
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Hi Erica!
This is so sweet of your FH!
If all the groomsmen are family and aware of the grandfather's condition as you mentioned, I’m sure one of them would be happy to help out and read out his speech if he needs to leave early. Ask your FH to check that this is ok with his grandfather, and speak with one of the groomsmen.
As Maggie mentioned, after the speeches there are not any traditional best man duties left, so your FH won’t technically need a best man. I would avoid using the term ‘backup best man’ encase someone gets insulted!
Hopefully it won’t come to it and grandfather will be feeling good and be able to deliver his speech himself
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