Back filling “left over” seats?

I've been B-listed once. Heres the situation.
Couple sent out invitations on a Monday. FH and I become a couple that Saturday. They invited the same amount of people the venue holds, so there was no room for me. I was officially invited two weeks before the wedding when they received a decline for the reception part only. They had 100% attendance.
Was it weird to see people talk about a wedding I wasnt invited to? Sure. But I understood and I ultimately went. The then groom is now one of FHs groomsman.
Some people will be offended, and they will have every right to. Some people wont care one bit and will understand where youre coming from.
Know your crowd, maybe?

View Quoted Comment I agree with the B listing but your last comment has me confused. I was advised to include myself and FH in our headcount for venue. So if it holds 50 then really its 48 other people. Vendors are different because they are typically not sitting at the tables,with guests.

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It depends on the venue. They may be giving you a number decided by fire code that doesn't include their staff. In that case, a vendor is still a body and would still be counted in that case. Also, vendors eat. We had a vendor table. If any of your contracts require you feed the vendor (as you should) you may need to sit them with guests.

It's really just a comment to make her consider looking at her contract to see exactly what the limit of 50 means at her venue.

View Quoted Comment Gotcha! Yes we are feeding our vendors, they are in our food head count but our venue counts them separately I guess.

For everyone saying just send out save the dates sonetimes people don’t have the money. Even if it “just another” 50 bucks or whatever.

View Quoted Comment Are you sure they know you want vendors fed and are not including them on your guest list. My venue did not as us separately

Yes, it's rude to B-list people.

If it is so important to invite the people you are wanting to B-list, then a venue that can accommodate everyone should have been chosen in the first place.

I unserstand this, my family live on the other side of the world, so I needed to give them early notice to book flights and accommodation. They needed at a minimum of 8 months notice otherwise airfares start to become prohibitively expensive. I sent out my website details that included all of the information, and had an RSVP section. I was able to determine from the responses of my family who would be coming, and who couldnt make it. This then allowed me to add guests who are local to my list. The local guests have not been given the invitations yet as it is too early. As for the Save the Date argument, the website was like a STD, but also it isnt something that is heard of or done where I am from, and would probably just confuse people, as they would want to RSVP and not be given the details of how to do so. So I dont think this is rude, the invitations are clearly not so far apart that it would be noticed. It isnt as if the invitations were sent out within the last few weeks before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Yes, we had to give her (our venue coordinator) our list of vendors so they can have meals for them and not include in our open bar headcount.

View Quoted Comment Save the dates have not always bee. Done here.

Generally, B listing is considered rude, and becomes obvious as the invitation arrives so close to the RSVP date. But you have sent out the actual invitation super early, like STD's, which are only sent to those who need early notice while other guests get just regular invitations later. For the next few weeks, you probably would not be considered rude by your friends. After all, many brides do not mail invitations all the same day, but in batches as they address them and sometimes invitations go a little later when people have not given you address, or the name of a SO, so you can address the invite properly, not as +1. I just hope you didn't post on Facebook or other that you had sent out all invitations. If so, better repost, finally getting the last ones ready for people who didn't need so much advance notice to make travel plans. Destination weddings are hard to plan, as are those where many guests travel long distances. So very far ahead of the wedding, I don't think anyone I know would be comparing notes with others on who got theirs on what date. That kind of nit picking of guests comparing dates someone invited them is rude in and of itself. Just don't send additional ones too long after originals. And change RSVP if necessary, even if it costs you a new invitation.

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It's your day doesn't count when it means being rude. Can I make my guests set up my venue because it's my day? Can I tell everyone to stand outside in 100 degree heat for 2 hours because it's my day? It's your day, so you can choose the flowers and dress you want. You can decide when to get married. Being a bride doesn't mean that manners don't apply.

Geesh yall are way too wound up about this lol! Shoulda coulda woulda lol. I think since you're only 2 weeks out from sending your invites, you should be ok with inviting the B list. I had one too and was able to add additional friends when some of my family had to decline. My real friends didn't have a problem with it because they knew we had a limited guest list and had to invite our family first. They are excited to have been included! Best of luck!

Do what you want , it’s your wedding. You’re the one paying for it. Who cares if it comes off rude , they will get over it. If they don’t , well then that’s a personal issue that they have to handle themselves

just tell your solo friend to stay solo

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Then you send an email, make phone calls, or spread by word of mouth.

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That's terrible advice.

View Quoted Comment Yeah it probably is, but she doesn’t have to take it 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Fair enough, but there are plenty of free online options like a website or an email she could have sent out with her date and key information. 5 months before is a LONG time before to send out invites and so if you want to “fill” the seats I don’t think those “b list” guests will know that they were not originally included. I would give yourself some wiggle room though...you never know who might want to bring their new boyfriend or girlfriend of 2 or 3 months by the time your wedding rolls around.

Normally I would never advocate to B list and i did not do this for my wedding.... However since your invites are out so early ad your RSVP due date must be far into the future, I think you can safely do it. For example, my FMIL wanted to do this with an invite (a friend of hers RSVP'd no and she wanted to invite someone else). i had to tell her no as the RSVP due date printed on the invites was just 2 weeks away, which would have made it obvious the friends were B-listed, which to me is where the action would come across as rude. Good Luck!

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OP - Okay, let's move past the coulda woulda shoulda: You have a few options here: Send out invites to the alleged B list crowd NOW (like today) and cross your fingers you don't go over the limit. I only suggest sending out extra invites now as you are still way too early so it may not be noticeable. B Listing is horribly noticeable when it is two weeks before a wedding and an invite shows up. OP, I would be concerned as you never know - trust many of us on this point - who will travel over mountains to get there.*

I do agree (like most of the time) with OG Gretchen: This whole "It is my day!" is why etiquette can get thrown out the window when it very needed in social situations, especially weddings.

*I still approve of B lists, but invites have been sent out so early (did no one tell OP this was way too soon?) that if she mails the second round NOW she could get away with it. Or OP can just settle in, accept the invites have been sent and hope for the best.