Back filling “left over” seats?

That's considered "B"listing and is not polite. People will know they are a second choice.

Yes that’s called B-listing and is considered rude.

Definitely rude and a big etiquette no-no.

The invites were only sent out 2 weeks ago, and the wedding is in November. I don’t know how they would know, they’d been “b-listed”. And if our venue fit more than 50 from the start, they would’ve been invited... I’m not trying to come off as rude, I’m trying to make sure that everyone who can be there gets to be there, even with really limited seating.

View Quoted Comment Why on earth did you send invitations so early? That's going to be a headache

View Quoted Comment For many people, they are having to book flights and hotels, we are getting married in the Santa Cruz mountains, on a three day weekend and more than half of our guest list is coming from out of state.

People need to budget in order to attend and we’re asking for the formal invite, because for them, it’s more of a destination wedding.

Before we found a bigger venue, our venue maxed out pretty small and we told some of our guests (friends) that we had to make sure family would fit first and if they chose to decline before we could offer invites to them and they were super understanding! Now it’s not an issue because we can accommodate 250 people, but I think if you explain it’s not as rude. I had that happen to me in the past and I was understanding as well

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’m hoping! Thank you!

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Okay I am going to give it to you straight: I can tell by this answer you want to B list people. You want the seats filled so you don't waste money. If I am wrong I apologize in advance.

You sent invites out waaaaay too early, let the chips fall where they may. Your friend may still bring someone, November is a long time from now. People will not be responding until closer to the date, that is what, five months from now?

It’s fine to start inviting your B list. It’s far enough away that people won’t know!

View Quoted Comment It’s not a money thing. If people don’t come, I save money. It’s about trying to make sure, like FutureMrs said, that there was enough room for family, with our very limited seating.


Our families are going to need to budget in order to afford attending our wedding, so for a destination like wedding, when would you have recommended sending the invites out? I thought we were right on schedule.

View Quoted Comment That's what save the dates are for. Be prepared to have to follow up with nearly every one as your wedding day comes. People will forget the date, not RSVP, go back and forth as to whether they can attend, and so on.

View Quoted Comment Most of our guest list is coming from out of state as well. We sent save the dates about 7 months before with all of the info on our wedding website and most people have booked hotels/plane tickets by now. We haven’t sent out formal invites yet though. We will be sending them about 10 weeks in advance. Not much you can do in hindsight though. I just worry that for yours people won’t be able to commit this early or their relationship status could change in 5 months.

I agree. You should have just sent out a save the date.

Ok but pps are not being helpful saying what you “should have” done, obviously it’s too late to send out your original invites later...?

I understand why you sent them out so early, and I think it works out well now because you have a chance to invite your B list without making those people feel like a second choice. If people “forget” your wedding date because of too much notice, then that’s their fault for not using a calendar and for not caring enough to remember, so I wouldn’t worry about that!

View Quoted Comment I’m getting married on a long weekend outside Washington, D.C. a month before you and still haven't sent out invites. And 90% of my list has to travel. We’re not sending for another two weeks minimum. We already have guests getting their arrangements set up because we sent out save the dates back in February and provided all of the info on our website. A good amount of our guests have told us how helpful it was.

I am surprised at people's responses...I thought it was common people had a "B" list. We didn't do that but thats because our venue fit the amount of people we needed. I do see people's points though that it is rude but I guess it depends on the time line? I see you're getting married in November, like me, and I think if you know before invitations are sent out what your numbers will be you can go to the "B" list. I think the "B" List is more considered rude if its obvious...like you're inviting them quite awhile after your invitations have gone out.

It sounds like you're going to do what you're going to do but B listing is VERY rude. And you never know what might happen. As someone else mentioned, maybe that friend starts dating someone a month or two before your wedding and wants to bring them. You will have to explain that you gave away that seat since you don't have the option to add extras. There have also been stories on here and other websites of people who RSVPd no, had a change of plans and said yes before the RSVP date. If you send out other invites, you again have to explain to these people that they cannot come because you got their decline and quickly invited someone else.

I understand not being able to include everyone you want. We had a fairly large wedding and there are still people I wish we could have invited. BUT you chose a venue that allows 50 and because of that you get to invite 50. Making a guest list is a hard job but make one and stick to it. You'll save yourself a lot of headache moving forward.

Also, make sure that 50 is your GUEST number and doesn't include you, your husband and your vendors

Sorry, I didn't read everything and see you have sent out your invitations! I think since it was only sent out 2 weeks ago and it's quite early on, it's fine to add "B" list.

For those who are saying people will forget your wedding sending it out so early...that's absurd...especially for a destination wedding. If people dont own a calendar or know how to update theirs, they have bigger problems than forgetting your wedding! And I imagine that is a very small percentage of people, why cater to those people...if you're an adult, you should be able to remember a date.

View Quoted Comment I think you can do what you want. It's your day. Forget what everyone else says.