Bachelorette party disaster

Yeah... don't go to an LGBTQ bar. That is really rude. There are plenty of bars for straight women to go to to have a good time. That being said, if she is hosting it and planning it, I'm not sure what you can do except tell her that you are uncomfortable with the things listed above. If she is your friend, she should listen to that and adjust the plans immediately. After all, this is a celebration for you, not for her.

Going to an LBGTQ bar for your bach party is really disrespectful and I would highly recommend going to another bar for your party.

Ask her to pick another club/bar and let go of the fact that she invited 3 strangers. Who knows you might be close friends by the end of the night.

The stigma behind bachelorette parties being held at gay bars is the fact that a lot of these parties treat them like zoos. They go to get drunk and gawk at the members of a community they don't belong to. I have been at quite a few gay bars when bachelorette parties find their way inside and let me tell you it is eye roll central. But this definitely depends on where in the country/globe you are. Some communities are more welcoming than others.

But just to be on the safe side, pick another bar.

Why is going to a LGBTQ bar disrespectful for a Bach party?

No sarcasm at all--I really want to know.

I understand she's doing the planning, but she must remember who she's planning it for...YOU. I think you should stand firm on what you want and what you feel comfortable with or at the end you'll be miserable while sitting through something you don't want. It's not easy, but you'll thank yourself at the end.

I've tried coaxing her into going to another bar that had great reviews online and from my coworkers but she's not budging. My brother is on the last week of his deployment - my MOH is dating him. She says she can't go anywhere else in the city. She blames it on my brother saying "he wouldn't be okay with me going there." Or "he wants to take me there first when he gets home" I can't Skype my brother to ask him about it because he's busy packing up and coming home. No matter how nice I am about changing something she always finds ways to put a stop to it. I'm so worried that I'll have to be tough with her and end up hurting her feelings.

Going to a LBGTQ bar isn't disrespecful- going with a bachelorette party of only straight girls is, for the reasons @Ashley mentioned. I love going to LGBTQ bars, but I go with my gay friends, and I recognize that I am invited into their space and I treat it as the privilege it is. There is a difference.

Why is going to a LGBTQ bar disrespectful? Honest question. The LGBTQ bar in Orlando (pulse) was pretty open and accepting of everyone.

This is all about you. It should be with YOUR friends, where YOU would want to go, and how YOU would want it. Your MOH should know these things about you and your preferences. Take control of the situation, you shouldn't be forced to be uncomfortable in a celebration meant for you. There shouldn't be any instance in which you should be put into a situation to argue your needs. Communicate with her and if she tries to argue it may be time to choose someone else that would take the MOH position seriously.

Why is this girl your MOH?

The problem with bachelorettes going to an LGBTQ bar is that the drunken Brides have often thought it gives them license to be handsey. There are actually some bars, that I know of that will not admit bachelorette parties because they've had problems in the past.

So...gay bars are really special spaces for us gays. They're one of the few places that are made especially for us and it's amazing to go to a bar and be sure that if I kiss my FW, I won't the receive some negative reaction. I bring straight friends to the bars sometimes. That's fine. What I hate is walking into a gay bar wanting to just take off the metaphorical armor I wear every day in a heteronormative world and see large groups of straight girls woo-ing it up and wearing bachelorette gear. They're commodifying queer life, taking up space in a place that does not belong to them, and many times going because it's this exotic thing to them and it feels like they're taking a foreign vacation or visiting the zoo. It's kind of complicated because of course not every straight person who goes to a gay bar is like this, but it's a lot. And a real reputation bachelorette parties have earned in the gay community. We're not your fun different crazy wild bachelorette activity. But if you want to come and grab a beer and talk allyship and dance while not taking up he space with your huge group and your loud screams, id be happy to buy you a pbr

@JessieJV: now that makes sense. They are often not respectful to other people's bodies and space. Got it.

Going to a LGBTQ bar is disrespectful? I'd really like to know why you all think this??

Let the coworker thing go. i would not be comfortable with the bar though. a bach party should be your time to let lose not worry about comfort. i would just refuse to go in, take a bottle of wine with me and hang in the bus.

I used to work in a multi-level bar and the gay bar was in the basement, you always knew when there was a bachelorette because the bartender would call me to take over for him so he could get 20 minutes of quiet in our kitchen. Any other crazy night, he was good.

Well I can see why your MOH may have invited other people because of the cost but she definitely should have discussed that with you beforehand. Even though she's planning the party I do think it's important that you speak up. Going to an LGBTQ bar doesn't seem like an appropriate place for a bus of straight women to spend a bachelorette party if the intent is to do anything more than drink and party. I used to work with people who would go to an LGBTQ bar in New York where there were drag shows, and they used to come to work mocking the things they saw. I found it disgusting and disrespectful. If she wants to go for the music and the alcohol then it's probably fine, but definitely find out what's so special about that bar prior to committing to going there. It would be awful to spend what should be a fun night mocking people who love differently. When it comes down to it, this is your party and you can refuse to go if you're not comfortable.

Yup! o&s I'd LOVE to grab drinks with you at my favorite queer bar.

I'm talking about people who stare and gawk and giggle. At me and my FW! In our safe space! And don't even get me started on the drunk girls that are trying to have a Katy Perry moment so that they have a fun story for the night. That shit happens and I hate it

Can the hostess of the bachelorette party vouch for all the girls there to be respectful, appropriate, and not make a show of going into the bar? If she can't vouch for that, they shouldn't be going. And, as others have mentioned, many LBGTQ bars ban bachelorette parties, and it isn't because they hate money. There is a reason bachelorette parties get a bad rap about this. So better to not take that chance.

Thank you @PrettyWittyandGay! I was hoping id get advice from someone who has experience in gay bars! I have gay friends but none of them really go out to those types of clubs so they couldn't say for sure! That's why I did some research. I've been blessed with a great group of girls who have always been respectful in any situation. Just looking out for the group in its entirety. I want everyone to have fun and sometimes my MOH only thinks about what she considers fun. And I'm not sure what her intentions are with the nightclub but I'll find out and adjust accordingly before going. Hopefully in the end I'll end up with 3 new friends and good memories. I feel a lot better about this weekend, thank you everyone.