Bachelorette - how much is too much?

I know it's not exactly cheap, but it's a special occasion. I also know no one is as excited about my wedding as I am, I guess I just thought asking to spend a little more than normal would be ok since it’s a one-time special occasion, and no one ever said they had to come to all of it. MOH just wanted to know who was interested in what. I’m just not feeling the love from these girls right now.

My question is - should I ask MOH to change her plans? Or should we continue with what is planned and the girls who decide it’s too much can drive themselves around and not stay the night?

How much did your girls spend, or how much are you asking them to spend, for your bachelorette?

Considering it's a special occasion, I wouldn't mind spending that much if I had the funds. If I didn't, I would attend what I can afford to attend and explain to you why.

If I was a BM in a wedding I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I’d obviously be in the wedding because that person is a very close friend or family member to me so I would be thrilled to spend a night with that person celebrating.

But…I don’t think some of my girls would do it for me. Throughout wedding planning I’ve realized how selfish people can be. Are the girls that are complaining married? They probably won’t understand the importance of all this until they get married themselves. Sometimes I feel like the reason for selfishness and lack of interest is because people haven’t been there and they don’t understand.

I think you should continue with your plans, and whoever can come, can come. If that’s what you want to do, do it.

We are having a joint bach party pub crawl scavenger hunt. Bridal party and dates meet for dinner and then we are going bar hopping. They are responsible for their dinner and drinks throughout the night.

For me it would depend. If I'm also a BM, paying for my own dress, hair, make-up, shoes, etc and then having to spend $200+ on a bachelorette party, and a gift as well, I may have to pass. Even with a full time job, there are bills to pay, and life happens.

For my bachelorette party, we're going to a drag show. Tickets are $45 each. Dinner at the bar before hand is optional. Gifts are not necessary.

When planning this, we checked beforehand like your MOH did and made sure everyone knew that since the tickets were an unexpected expense, no gifts were required at all and dinner before was totally optional

Lindsay - no, they're not married and don't have SOs, so I suppose that could be part of it.

Caitlin - my girls know I DO NOT expect any sort of gift from them. Their presence by my side on the wedding day is gift enough. They're also not paying for any sort of hair or makeup, I didn't ask them to do that.

That could be it. My best friend is my bridesmaid and she's married and she's already calculated how much she'll be spending on my wedding and it's about $500. Most of it is traveling from Atlanta back home to Texas. That's not including the bachelorette party and bridal shower she plans on throwing me here in Texas.

I guess it really depends.

KristnB –I don’t think you are asking too much of them. I think the considerate thing to do would be for them to participate. I think the fact that they haven’t been there contributes to why they are being a little lame about the entire thing. They will understand it all when they get married.

I'm well I call it frugal, some would call me cheap. I may have the funds, but I would probably have an issue shelling out $200-300 minimum for a batchelorette. You have to keep in mind that most people are less willing to spend extra for someone else's special occasion. Most of my savings are saved for the long term for something I would deem more important than even my friend's batchelorette party(emergency fund, just in case I don't get enough financial aid one semester, future home down payment). Since I don't regularly have a few hundred dollars of extra fun money, to do that kind of weekend event I'd have to pull from one of the three above mentioned funds, and I would not really want to.

The thing with weddings is, from an outside view the prewedding events don't look all that special, because there's multiple events and they all cost money and you don't really get anything out of it.

I would go through with the plans if they are what you want, but if some of them don't want

To fork over the cash than just let them sit it out and don't hold a grudge.

Future Mrs. Coombs - wow! she must love you None of these girls are from OOT (FSIL is a BM, and she won't be attending because she lives in Illinois & we're in Cali, so I understand that one), so there are no travel expenses aside from some gas to get there. Even then though - we can carpool!

Thanks ladies, I guess I'll just have to deal with whatever happens and have fun without them if they decide to not come

I planned the bachelorette party for my friend and have the breakdown if we split it amongst X people. A few people only chose to do certain aspects so some events were more expensive than others because of it. Everyone's financial situation is different and sometimes women can be bitches too. That said, the ones who willing and able to party will make sure you have a good time. And the others, well, you'll know how to appropriately "spend" your time with them the next event of theirs comes along.

KristnB- yeah I swear she's more excited about my wedding than she was for her own lol She's never been a bridesmaid before so she's soaking it up

Best of luck with your girls I'm sure you'll figure something out!

I think that sounds really, really fun! It's something I'd spend 99.00 on, bachelorette or not (and I am totally stingy, lol). Much better than hanging out in a bar pounding shots....

Haha OTW and Cecilia - I will definitely know to "spend" my time with them appropriately next time they ask And it's way more fun than shots in a bar! Yech.

I think those plans sound great, and if some people don't want to spend their money on everything then maybe they can carpool and meet up after the winery or something. I would definitely join, because it sounds awesome!

Planning for mine was also a fiasco. My MOH and BM planning dinner, dancing, a show and a hotel room. Each person spent about 100 for those things (extra on drinks) but that was because there were a few REALLY squeaky wheels-- they refused to get more than one hotel room so my MOH had to find a large enough one (penthouse) and then say she would foot HALF the bill before the everyone agreed. I understand not wanting to spend money, but they barely agreed to $40 for a hotel room. I had to get FH to talk to SIL to make sure we wouldn't all get bedbugs! Two days before the same ones started complaining about dinner which my BM planned (it was pricey, but she put $300 towards it so everyone's bill was cheaper). It was ridiculous, but everyone had a really good time.

Also, for FH's bachelor party everyone spent about $250, and they spent about the same the year prior for another friend's bach party.

The average amount I have spent on my friends bachelorette parties have been about 500. With that said we all live so far apart it is one of the few chances we all get to hang out which maybe why people are willing to spend the money. For my bachelorette party the people who couldn't afford everything choose an event they could afford to attend.

My feelings would be hurt as well. I am the last of my friends getting married and for each of them I have either thrown alone or with another bm, the Bridal Shower,Honeydo shower, Lingerie shower and Bachelorette party. All of those events included: invitations, food, decorations, drinks, favors for guest(at bridal shower and bachelorette party), games, gift for bride(at each shower) & a venue if someones home wasn't available. I'd probably be a lot better off if I didn't spend so much on my friends but I love them & would want it to be special for them like I would want for myself.

I would hope that if they are bridesmaids that they have had time to plan and save for your special day and celebrations that come along with it. If you don't think you are asking anything from them that you wouldn't do yourself then I say go for it!

I probably couldn't afford it. Mind you they've paid for dresses, gifts, showers etc. it gets expensive. Full time job or not she probably has bills. When I think of something like this I think bar hopping and chipping in for drinks not 150$ a person or more.