Bachelor parties and strip clubs - opinions

I'd be bummed, more for the lying than anything. I'd be questioning everything I asked him not to do or didn't agree with. Did he just tell me he didn't do it/agrees with me so I wouldn't get mad? I'd be in couples counseling.

I wouldn't be bothered by the strip club but I 100% would be bothered by the lying. So any time he knows you'd be upset with something is he just lying to you? How many other things is he lying about?

I'd seek out counseling.

Absolutely agree with the PPs. I'm not opposed to strip clubs, but I AM opposed to lying. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship.

Yeah, I’d be annoyed about him lying about the strip club but I don’t think it’s a huge deal. I do think it’s a bit of a spiral to start thinking about other things we may have lied about. It’s totally possible that the strip club wasn’t planned and he decided it was better to say a white lie than to make you uncomfortable. It sounds like you and your FH have a good relationship and you trust him, lean on that.

I know FH will be going to a strip club for his bachelor party, he’s never been to one and he’s like to go just once. I’m totally fine with it. Look at / appreciating another woman’s body doesn’t mean he’s any less mine or our relationship is any less.

I don't think it was okay for you to tell him not to go to a strip in the first place.

But him lying is a huge issue, if he did it for something as silly as a strip club what else is he lying about?

Also what is the draw to the strip club in the first place why would you guys even go together? Strange place to hang out as a married couple.

I’d be really upset if I were in your position. I don’t like strip clubs at all, and my FH knows that. As soon as his BM brought up going to one (two weeks before they went) he immediately told me that was a possibility and was completely upfront about it. They did end up going, and I don’t ask questions because he was so open with me in the first place.

If if he had lied to me though, especially for as long as your husband did, I would have some serious problems and would have a hard time getting over it quickly.

Lying isn't cool. He shouldn't have agreed to the rule if it didn't suit him.

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We went together once because my husband wanted to go more than me. I had also never been to one so he just wanted to show me what it's like. It's not really my cup of tea to say the least... We haven't been to one since.

I think that the lie that he told was wrong. I would be concerned as to why he thinks that he couldn’t tell you the truth even though he did something that you didn’t approve of. Now I would question everything because to me this was so small.

I'd definitely be bummed that he did that even though you asked him not to..and even more upset that he lied about it for this many years

Ask him why he felt the need to lie, what was he afraid of? How can you avoid that in the future

I may be a little different here. I agree, it is 100% wrong that he lied to you about this. I would absolutely be hurt about the lie. However... I can also see the other side. I can see WHY he would lie about it.

Note that these are not an excuse for something he did that was not right BUT I think this is not an uncommon untruth told around Bachelor/Bachelorette parties. He probably thought it would cause problems, maybe even make you not want to get married if he was honest. He may have felt pressured to tell you what he knew was important to you to hear.

Weddings make people act different than they normally would. There is a lot of myths/pressure/expectations around parties like the bachelor/bachelorette parties. Talk with him. Let him know how you are feeling now that you know he was not honest with you. Listen to what he has to say. TELL him if you find yourself questioning other things he may have said or done and again, listen to what he has to say. If you still cannot shake it, then see if some counseling may be helpful but I don't necessarily think you need to run to counseling right away (and I say that as a trained marriage therapist and someone who whole heartedly believes in counseling).

This definitely warrants a discussion, but it doesn't seem to warrant questioning everything he has ever said or done. If you find yourself unable to shake those feelings after a talk, then it's a good time to get some counseling together.

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I think a lot of couples go to strip clubs. It's certainly not for everyone, but I have some friends who go together almost as a form of foreplay. May not be your thing, it's not my thing, but it doesn't mean it isn't someone else's thing. *shrug*

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Good to know glad you took the time to quote and tell me that...

I standby what I said it's not a place for married people to hang out...

You aren’t over reacting. I’d be pretty hurt by that. He did something that he agreed not to do because it was against your wishes, and then he lied about it.

I’m not saying you have to give him a hard time about it or anything, but your feelings are valid.

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So you ask a question, someone answers it, and it's still not good enough for you.

Nice.

For someone who can't deal with criticism of your own wedding/issues, you are sure quick to pass judgment on others.

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Yes, he told me he didn't tell me because he knew it would cause problems. I honestly don't think he's ever lied about anything else. He's always been the type to hate lying, even little things. So I was surprised he lied about this, but I understand why. I don't agree with it, on the other hand. Still feel pretty disappointed.

View Quoted Comment Why is it not okay for her to ask her SO not to go somewhere he pays to watch women get naked, dance on him, and touch him? Would you rather she keep her mouth shut about everything that makes her uncomfortable? If he really wanted to go and knew he would go he didn’t have to agree not to go then lie about it. He could’ve tried to compromise and say “babe it’s my bachelor party and that’s what I want to do, but I won’t get a lap dance”. That’s how adults deal with conflicts in a relationship.

OP if you trust him and know he doesn’t lie to you on a regular basis then I think this is something you go ahead and forgive and move past. But let him know that telling you what you want to hear in the moment just so he can do what he wants and come clean later isn’t the way to deal with disagreements.

My FH didn’t want me to have any strippers at my Bach because his mom was a stripper and he just had horrible experiences with that. So i decided fine I won’t do that, but now we are doing a joint destination Bach and I’m super excited to have someone to dance with😉

View Quoted Comment I totally get that. It's completely normal to be hurt. Do you feel like he understands how you feel and why?

It also stinks that this had to be the start of what sounds like it would have been a fun trip. I hope you guys were still able to enjoy your time together. Big hugs to you.

I seem to be outnumbered about having a problem with committed men going to strip clubs. If he has a loving and affectionate commitment with you, the woman in his life, why does he want to pay other women to give him foreplay on a filthy couch/ chair? What bothers me more is the way he insisted that "We are definitely going to the strip club..." when planning the trip with you. Realizing that gawking at, and being touched by, other women is the thing he is most looking forward to would ruin the trip for me. Would he want to watch and pay for other men to grope you?