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Katie
Super November 2019

Awkward situation

Katie, on July 31, 2019 at 3:44 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 37

**Note this is all over the place and long** This person and I were bestfriends from 5th grade until our Sr. year of high school. My Grandfather passed unexpectedly that year and his visitation was the same time as her baby shower so when I let her know I could no longer make the baby shower she...
**Note this is all over the place and long**

This person and I were bestfriends from 5th grade until our Sr. year of high school. My Grandfather passed unexpectedly that year and his visitation was the same time as her baby shower so when I let her know I could no longer make the baby shower she tells me that I should be there because I had already said I was coming on the RSVP and she gave no sympathy to my Grandfathers passing and when I told her I would still bring her gift by her house later that day she told me don't bother so after that we stopped being friends. We graduated in 2015 and spoke for the first time since then Feb. of last year when I gave her some tips on things to do in Las Vegas because I had been twice and this was her first time going since then we had not spoken again until today.. I posted something on FB about ordering my wedding cake, and FHs ring today as well as saying we only have 109 days left until the wedding and then she sends me the message below. I'm not really sure how to reply to that. I don't want to be rude so I'm just not replying at the moment but at the same time she is not invited to my wedding. What should I do?

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37 Comments

  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I probably wouldn't answer at all.

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    Good point!
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
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    It sounds like she might regret her selfish past behavior and is trying to find a way to make amends. The wedding probably isn't the best place for that. Tell her you are happy to spend time catching up later, but your maximum guest capacity for the wedding is already met.

    Just FYI: Pregnant and post-natal women have crazy hormones that cause us to react irrationally now and then. I wouldn't hold that against her forever. If you were good friends, it might be worthwhile to give her another chance. Have lunch, go for coffee, whatever. What do you have to lose?

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Just don't bother responding if you're not friends anymore. It'll trigger more drama.
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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    This happened in 2015 and she has not reached out to me once. I gave her tips on places to go in Vegas but other than that no communication has been made in 4 years. I'm not one to hold a grudge but I find it strange for her to want to reach out now. Also I moved 4 hours away from home and don't go back often so lunch or coffee would have to be planned in advance
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  • Paulette
    Expert April 2021
    Paulette ·
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    I love that reply Nikita! Nothing like short, quick, and to the point without being rude. LOVE IT!!!!

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  • Paulette
    Expert April 2021
    Paulette ·
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    Katie, I'm guessing that she believes that the tips you gave her regarding Vegas was an opening to get back in your good graces. I loved Nikita's response so you can leave it at that. If she doesn't understand that you can't just add her to the guest list and doesn't talk to you again, then you know she's really not a friend. If she does understand, then tell her that after you have settled into your married life, you will call her to have lunch or something. Me personally, I wouldn't answer at all. And if it was my (ex) friend that pushed the issue, I would then tell her, "Girl please!" LBVS Whatever conversation ensues after that would be up to her. I'm just saying.

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    I'm all for being friends again just not starting the friendship off at my wedding. Vegas was a year ago and we have not spoken since then. I have since move four hours away and don't really go back home because it's a long drive so lunch or coffee would have to be fit in somewhere while I was in town for a day.
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  • Mandi
    VIP May 2016
    Mandi ·
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    I had a few old "friends" do the same thing and I just ignored it and did not respond. I didn't feel I had to justify to them why they were not invited and it was rude of them to reach out and invite themselves.

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  • K
    Dedicated November 2019
    Kiki ·
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    Mmmmm don't feel obligated I never understood how people could just ask if they could be invited .
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  • Yobana
    Dedicated October 2019
    Yobana ·
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    The nerve! I'm sorry but she has no right to invite herself the way she's doing it. Im not inviting certain family members and they havent "casually" inviting themselves, it is your wedding and you should have people who truly care for you and not just because you guys were bff in the past, she lost that throne long ago!

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  • Paulette
    Expert April 2021
    Paulette ·
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    Well there you go! You know what you want and/or need to do. Concentrate on you and your FH and the life you both are about to share. My son told me when his father tried to come back into his life that he was happy with the people who are in his life right now. And there is no room right now for someone who didn't think of me when I needed them the most. But the one thing he did do was talk to his dad.

    My point...She wasn't there for you when you needed her, she can't be in your life (at your wedding) right now, but you can always talk and see what happens from there.

    Be blessed Katie! Have a great day and enjoy this! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

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  • Katie
    Super November 2019
    Katie ·
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    Thank you!
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  • Paulette
    Expert April 2021
    Paulette ·
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    No problem! We all have crazy people in our lives. Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people. But do you and don't worry about the rest.

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  • Bride2020
    Devoted May 2020
    Bride2020 ·
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    I think this is a good reply for someone you want to open up a friendship with again, if that is something you want.

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  • Clare
    Savvy May 2021
    Clare ·
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    This. Keep it simple.

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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    That's incredibly rude to invite herself


    I would just say "thanks so much! Unfortunately our guest list has already been finalized. Would love to catch up soon though"

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