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Super November 2019

Awkward situation

Katie, on July 31, 2019 at 3:44 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 37

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**Note this is all over the place and long**

This person and I were bestfriends from 5th grade until our Sr. year of high school. My Grandfather passed unexpectedly that year and his visitation was the same time as her baby shower so when I let her know I could no longer make the baby shower she tells me that I should be there because I had already said I was coming on the RSVP and she gave no sympathy to my Grandfathers passing and when I told her I would still bring her gift by her house later that day she told me don't bother so after that we stopped being friends. We graduated in 2015 and spoke for the first time since then Feb. of last year when I gave her some tips on things to do in Las Vegas because I had been twice and this was her first time going since then we had not spoken again until today.. I posted something on FB about ordering my wedding cake, and FHs ring today as well as saying we only have 109 days left until the wedding and then she sends me the message below. I'm not really sure how to reply to that. I don't want to be rude so I'm just not replying at the moment but at the same time she is not invited to my wedding. What should I do?

Awkward situation 1

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37 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on August 1, 2019 at 2:15 PM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 31, 2019 at 3:51 PM
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“We are keeping the guest list to close friends and family only.” Or don’t answer. It doesn’t sound like you’re actually even friends with her so I’m not sure this even requires acknowledgment.
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Devoted May 2020
Kaitlyn · on July 31, 2019 at 3:53 PM
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She's inviting herself, which I think is incredibly rude. Who even has the nerve to do that? You don't have to invite her if you don't want to. You're not close anymore, and frankly she cut off your friendship in a really terrible way, so I wound't even invite her if I were you.
Just tell her that you already have your guest list solidified and unfortunately there isn't any room to add more. You could say invitations have already been printed or something like that.
But you do not have to invite her by any means.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 31, 2019 at 3:53 PM
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I would respond with something like, "Thank you so much! I would love to see you again and catch up. Unfortunately we can't add anyone else to the guest list." And just leave it at that.
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 3:53 PM
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We are no longer friends so I was just ignoring the message at the moment but I didn't want to be rude and not reply all together
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 31, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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I would do the same here as PP suggested. Gosh people are so rude though, just self inviting themselves.
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on July 31, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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People love to invite themselves to weddings. She cut the friendship off and seems very immature. It seems like she is just interested in attending the wedding and not reinvesting in your friendship.
You simply thank for the kind words, but unfortunately the wedding will just be close friends and family.
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 3:54 PM
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That sounds nice! When I read it my first thought was to just reply "No" but I felt that would be rude
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 31, 2019 at 3:55 PM
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Right!? I would be furious.
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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I cut the friendship off after the way she treated me during the hardest time of my life. My Grandfather ment the world to me and she was just worried about herself, I'm not one to hold a grudge but that showed me she wasnt a true friend.
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VIP April 2019
Nikita · on July 31, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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Go with "No" if that's more your style. It's completely up to you! She's being rude and hasn't been in your life. So respond by what feels the most normal for you and leads to what you want the relationship (or not) to be in the future.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on July 31, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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I agree with all of the advice listed above. Don't feel bad for not inviting her! She was unsympathetic of your grandfather passing, and now she expects to be invited? I don't think so!
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Super October 2017
Emily · on July 31, 2019 at 3:59 PM
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Thank you so much, we are so happy! I appreciate the well wishes. I'm sorry but we are not able to add any guests to our list. I hope you and your child are doing well!

I had someone do something similar. She was my sisters close friend. I was invited to her wedding some years before mine with my boyfriend at the time. She doesn't like me and has not been quiet to my sister. When she asked about her invite I responded with respect (even though I didn't want to). She was very polite about it and she and her husband even sent us a nice gift. No hard feelings.
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 3:59 PM
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We have no relationship outside of liking a post or two per year on FB
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 4:00 PM
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My thoughts! I was extremely surprised when I got that message. I don't understand how someone invites themselves to a wedding for someone they haven't had a friendship with in 4 years! She doesn't even know the groom so I don't see why she would think she is invited.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 31, 2019 at 4:02 PM
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“Unfortunately, our guest list has already been finalized. I would love to catch up with you after the wedding!”
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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I would love for that to be the case. When my FH and I first stated dating I didn't post him on my social media because I knew the girls from my hometown would add him asap but we attended a wedding together and were tagged in a photo and she was the first person to send him a friend request on ALL social media.
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Super November 2019
Katie · on July 31, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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I may say that, thank you!
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on July 31, 2019 at 4:32 PM
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In addition to the above advice, I would suggest not posting about wedding planning on Facebook. It encourages people to invite themselves. Plus, it's kind of like posting, "I'm holding a party I'm very excited about, and you're not invited."
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on July 31, 2019 at 4:35 PM
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HAHA. Omg. This girl sounds like a b*****. I would just ignore the message seriously.
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Rockstar July 2018
Mcskipper · on July 31, 2019 at 4:36 PM
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I think the above is perfect. Of all the self inviting I’ve seen, this instance seems relatively innocuous (as it’s just telling you she would enjoy going versus the people that are direct and say “I’m invited, right?!”)— So it seems to indicate some level of understanding, and the rest seems well-intentioned. Maybe she finally wants to make amends and rebuild....or, maybe she doesn’t really care and just wanted to be at the party. Either way, the above suggestion is perfect because it clearly says no to the wedding, but then puts the ball in her court if she does want to reconnect otherwise. If it never pans out— no big loss to you !
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