Awkward non-bm situation

Have you talked with your fiance about it? It seems that you could both talk about this - I know my fiance wouldn't want me to include someone like that in my bridal party and would have a guy-to-guy conversation with his buddy to explain and run interference. With this situation, don't do anything without discussing it with your fiance and letting him bring it up to his friend if he feels it is appropriate. You don't want to be seen as trying to keep secrets or do things in the dark and I'm sure this woman would appear to make it that way. By being open and up front you are circumventing any possible issues with her trying to make you the bad guy.

And I would in no uncertain circumstances have this person in my bridal party. She is not close to you - how strange it would be to have her as part of your party. She can be her husband's date to all wedding related events, sit at the table, whatever, but she does not have to be part of the actual bridal party.

Its your wedding, not hers! You pick who you want standing with you! She has a lot of nerve trying to boss you around like that. My guess is that if their friendship is 20+ years, this won't affect it. If it does, I pray for that guy because she sounds not great haha. Good luck!