Awkward non-bm situation

Let her be mad. Her feelings aren’t your problem.

I think i'm worried most about the guys relationship after

Your FH's GM will have to deal with her bad feelings. It's ok that you don't have her as a BM or their child in the wedding. Wedding parties aren't made of entire families is most cases. If she gets upset and is that controlling then he might not be a GM. Although sad for your FH, less time you'll have to spend with his wife.

The key is that you are your FH are on the same page about the decision. It’s your day and if you don’t want her that’s your choice.

I definitely would not have her as a BM and if she tries to cause drama about it I would just let her know that you are only asking your closest friends (and/or family members) to stand up there with you. I assume by that point you’ll have decided on who to ask and how many each of you will he asking. As far as flower girl, did you have someone else in mind like s family member? It’s insane to me to act like that or for her yo be insulted by you wanting someone you’re close up to to have the honor of being in your WP over her. Were you one of her BMs, is that why she’s expecting you to ask her?

Hard no. Not your problem.

View Quoted Comment No lol I met her like two months before she got married

Thanks y’all!!!

Stand your ground. Otherwise suddenly this will be her wedding part two and she'll run everything.

Hard nope straight into left field on that one. YOU get to choose who you want as your BP. If FH wants friend as GM, great. That does not mean his wife or child need to be involved. We have 4 married couples, and 4 long term couples where only 1 of the pair is standing up. If we included all the significant others, our BP would be close to 20 people, which to us is just insanity!

I'm petty so I'd be like "Oopse sorry, I picked other people to be my bridesmaid and flower girl. I do hope you all come anyways."

Also don't let a woman like that in your bridal party because she sounds like she is going to control freak all over your big day and trust me that's nightmare.

I hate when this happens with SILs and BILs but the wife of a friend?? Nopeeee. Try to avoid telling her the BM dress colors or she might show up matching anyways!

Do not give in.. the positions are filled.😆 Don't allow someone else to control what you want for your wedding. The guys' relationship will be fine. She will just present herself a drama queen if she gets mad and no one will feel sorry for her. I think in the future too if you don't want her to pawn her daughter on you, don't let her. Start showing her what the reality of the relationship is between you two. I would also talk to your FH about this.. mainly your thoughts on who the BMs/flower girl are gonna be. Keep it brief and drama-free.. you just wanna give him the heads up that so and so is not going to be a BM. May help him prepare if the topic comes up between friends. I don't think it will though, it's a really petty thing to be upset over.

View Quoted Comment The guys are friends. You be polite, and never interfere with their friendship, and you will be fine as far as the guys are concerned. It sounds as though you are nice to her when you meet , which is all that is required. You need never go beyond that. She is pushing g for more. Just stand your ground. She is the demanding aggressor, you need only repeat the same thing, over and over. Jane, your husband has long been a close friend of my husband, which is why he has been asked to be a groomsman . I am choosing my long term friends, to be my bridesmaids. We are not choosing any couples, only individual friends. And if she pushes again, Repeat, adding, we get along fine when our guys get together, but we have never been close personal friends. Repeat, and repeat, til she realizes the answer is not changing, and she will begin to look ridiculously argumentative. While it will be perfectly obvious to all, you are doing what brides do, pick their own individual friends as bridal party. . . Speak to your FI. Nicely tell him, she is pushing, and you are standing firm. It should not cause any trouble between the two of you, or the two guys, as long as you never, ever let her provoke you into a fight. " I am choosing my long term personal friends as Bridesmaids. I am choosing my long term personal friends as Bridesmaids. . . . Repeat til she gives us up, no matter what question or argument she comes up with .

And smile nicely as you say it

Definitely hard no. I would also encourage FH to see his friend on his own. Tell him the truth, you are tired of being the unpaid babysitter. Even if you love kids, everyone deserves some time off. Next time anyone suggests a night together, suggest it be adults only.

Her feelings aren't your problem.
It's bad enough if it was a sibling or something
but a friend you barely know?

Even if it's awkward, it sounds like you have to stand your ground in this one. Otherwise you'll have a miserable time!

I’m in a similar situation l, but I’ve already asked the girl to be a bridesmaid. I asked because I liked her and she’s the BM’s girlfriend. All she has done so far is cause problems. I spoke to my fiancé about it because at this point I don’t want her in the wedding, but I’m willing to deal with it because I don’t want to hurt his relationship with his best friend. My fiancé spoke to his friend about some things she had said (she insulted my sisters husband) and the friend said he would handle it because what she said was not acceptable. A side note that my fiancé and his friends two brothers all hate this girl. Now I find out after I ask her to be a bridesmaid!!
I would talk to your fiancé and explain your concerns to him, and let him know you’re addressing this with him because you care about his relationship with his friend. And hopefully they can diffuse the situation.

Explain the situation, it's your wedding and she will have to deal. Maybe say "he picked his groomsmen & I would like to pick my bridesmaids & I'm sorry but we just aren't that close." Or if she's really difficult just say having her as a bridesmaid would make the number odd and if you wanna be super nice maybe find a small special role (less important) to keep her happy. It's so important to establish healthy boundaries and keep your big day what you envisioned. We almost said no to bridesmaids/groomsman all together to avoid this kind of situation!

I think it's really your call... your BM's are the people who are going to be there for YOU on your wedding day. Think of it this way, if you needed someone to help you pee in your dress, is that person going to help you? If you need an emergency aspirin, cheeseburger, or tequila shot will she get that for you? The people who are your BM are the people who you know will be there for you through the whole night. Not someone who is wanting to be part of YOUR big day because of her husband. This is about you hun, the fact that she is ALREADY causing strain in your planning means she's not there for you.