Jules
Dedicated October 2021

Awkward invite situation.. guest inviting themselves

Jules, on January 4, 2021 at 10:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 28
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Awkward invite situation.. guest inviting themselves 1
I was sent this message last month by a bartender at a bar that I was a regular at 10 years ago. We have stayed “friends” on Facebook but we never talk and I do not have her phone number and we probably last spoke.. in person over six years ago..? At the bar? Lol! We don’t even message on FB. I ignored this message because it’s comically rude and I thought she’d drop it. She posted on my “what I’m grateful for in 2020” post this evening and said “still waiting on my confirmation!” As in her invite... umm can I continue to ignore this? I feel like she’d just show up. My wedding is formal and will have full seating charts. I appreciate that she’d drive four hours for my wedding but I feel like it’s just so she can see Dawn (one of her friends and also my very close friend/ bridesmaid). Can I pawn this off on my BM? My bridesmaids/bridesmen all live in different states (Texas in this case) so it’s essentially a destination wedding for everyone. This is our wedding though, not a reunion. Continue to ignore or what? I’d be mortified to invite myself to literally any gathering.



28 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on January 20, 2021 at 5:35 PM
  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    I literally can’t even with that message lolllllll
    I would have responded right away and said guest list was done and it’s just close friends and family due to the pandemic...
    • Reply
  • Molly
    Expert August 2021
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    This is beyond tacky of her to do. I would just straight up tell her. She might think it's rude but what she did was ruder. Warn your bridesmaid what you plan to do before you do it. She'll (hopefully) be mortified that her friend did this and support you fully. I would not put it on your bridesmaid though as she could feel caught in the middle.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Sounds like continuing to ignore may lead to persistent requests. Sometimes you just have to say, we are having a fairly small wedding, with family coming from all over the country, and very few spaces for friends. I'm sorry we cannot extend an invitation to our wedding.
    Sometimes when people move, they look to gatherings of old friends, and some people have very informal weddings, more like reunions. Not this time. Sorry and a polite no.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Ohmygosh, some people 🤦🏼‍♀️ I would definitely address it, because I agree (based on her blatant, shameless self inviting) that she will either continue hitting you up for an invitation, or may just show up to the event without one! I wouldn’t pawn off the responsibility to your bridesmaid, though. I would just tell her that due to the pandemic your guest list had to be drastically cut, and unfortunately you will not be able to invite a lot of people you would have liked to (ie, HER).
    • Reply
  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    All I can say is: this one takes the cake!!
    • Reply
  • Jules
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jules ·
    • Flag
    Thank you guys. That’s all really good advice. Especially leaving my BM out of it. These are some great examples with polite wording too. It’s so awkward. I know the right thing to do is address it- I just needed some pushing/encouragement to actually do it lol so thank you. 🙌🏼🙌🏼
    • Reply
  • Jules
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jules ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    😂 “Blah Blah Blah.. by the way, congratulations!” 😅 what!?
    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Expert September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Wow!! How presumptuous of her! Thats a horrible position to put you in. Unfortunately you can't ignore it. Tell her that the guest list is already set and due to space limitations you can't extend her an invitation. And tell your mutual friend just so she knows where you stand and doesn't think it's ok for her to come.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    You nip that in the bud immediately. People do not get to invite themselves no matter who they are.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    Omg NO.

    Don't dump this on your bridesmaid. The NO needs to come to you.

    "I am sorry, we are not able to invite you or everyone we'd like. The expenses are adding up, and we have such limited space that we will have assigned seating for each guest. Thanks for reaching out."
    Who does she think she is!! Give your mutual friend a heads up so they don't reveal the address and this person comes crashing. Ick!
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Block her on Fb, she’ll get the message.
    Not that you should have the bridesmaid handle it, but out of curiosity, have you asked her WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS PERSON ALL ABOUT?
    This is just really weird behavior - kinda stalkery?
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated May 2021
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    If you hadn’t shown the proof I’m not sure I would believe someone to behave so absurdly. Yes tell her a polite no.
    • Reply
  • Jenn
    Dedicated May 2021
    Jenn ·
    • Flag
    I had anxiety just reading her text 😂
    It wasn't even "I'm so sorry but would it be okay if I come too?" But a "I'm just messaging you to tell you to invite me, here's my address" HAHA WHAT???

    I think the others gave great advices/responses!
    Good luck❤
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    I’d probably block her and ask your BM not to share the information with her. Have someone at your wedding keep an eye out for her and if she shows up have her escorted out. But that’s just me.


    Telling her you’re keeping it small or just flat out no she’s not invited will probably suffice as well. I’d probably still delete her after responding though.
    • Reply
  • Clarissa
    Rockstar October 2021
    Clarissa ·
    • Flag
    Wow the audacity of some people smh. Unfortunately she definitely seems like someone who’s going to show up without an invite. I would block her and let her know that the wedding is for close family and friends only.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I absolutely agree.


    You need to address this right away before you end up with an unexpected guest. I'd tell her flat out she didn't get an invite, I'd put it crystal clear. If she has an issue with it and it causes issues with your friendship with her, well like you said you guys last communicated 6 years ago so is it really losing a friend🤷‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I cannot get over how rude and forward she is! Personally, I would respond and just say something along the lines of "Unfortunately, we are having to limit our guest list to family and close friends". You could also maybe throw in something about missing her too and to let you know if she's ever in the area and you two could get together and catch up. If she gets upset about it, oh well. There really is not much else you could do. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this!

    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I agree with others that sometimes you just need to be blunt with rude people...and you need to do it yourself; this is not your BM's responsibility and you'll potentially put her in a awkward position with her friend and it likely won't put an end to the conversation. For daughter's wedding we had two long-term acquaintances (of us, her parents) who assumed they would be invited and just ignoring their awkward inquiries didn't stop their even more awkward "hints." Finally, we had no choice but to tell each, point blank, that they were not going to be invited. We said something along the lines of, "Unfortunately, the B & G weren't able to invite everyone they would have liked to, so they've prioritized family and their closest friends. We're sorry, but you won't be invited." One of the two offenders took it fine; we think he just has really awkward social skills, so he didn't really intend any harm. The second had ulterior motives for wanting to attend that had nothing to do with caring about the B&G; I think she was mad I said "no" and she hasn't talked with me in nearly two years.... No big loss! Smiley winking Good luck!

    • Reply
  • Rita
    Savvy May 2022
    Rita ·
    • Flag
    I will just inbox her back and let her know that she not invited
    • Reply
  • Belle
    VIP August 2022
    Belle ·
    • Flag
    🤣 OMG! Some people.... Really? Geez I literally laughed out loud here. I agree with pp, tell her you can’t add a single guest.
    • Reply

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