Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner October 2020

Awkward bridesmaids situation

Melissa, on July 25, 2019 at 1:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hello! My fiance and I have been engaged since about 2017 and we finally set a date for October 2020. Once we were engaged I immediately had my bridesmaids picked; I had 3 best friends, and they all knew right away they were getting a formal ask at some point.

But between then and now, I made a new friend who is quickly becoming a best friend (I'll call her K) and she's very happy for me and my fiance and enthusiastic about our wedding. I'm considering asking her to be a 4th bridesmaid.

However, I'm a bridesmaids in an upcoming wedding for someone else (I'll call her A) whom I consider a friend but by no means close; however we did go to high school together. One of my original bridesmaids is best friends with A, but I am not.

Am I obligated to ask A to be a bridesmaid? She is aware K is a newer friend and may feel slighted if I asked someone I met recently (about 6 months ago) to be in my wedding party and not her because we went to high school together, and I was in her wedding. I'm okay with 4, but 5 is too many to me, my wedding guest list is only 75-85 people max and I wanted a small group. What should I do?

Flag
Hide content

25 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on August 1, 2019 at 2:13 AM

Super October 2019
Brianna N · on July 25, 2019 at 2:11 PM
Flag

Hide content
You aren't obligated to have anyone in your bridal party. It is completely your choice and who you want standing next to you on your big day! This happens often, don't stress about it!
- Reply
Super September 2021
Sharon · on July 25, 2019 at 2:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
The people standing up with you should be the people you're closest to, not someone you feel obligated to. If you feel that close to K you absolutely can ask her. The only obligation you have is to make your wedding a day that you and FH are happy with.
- Reply
Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 25, 2019 at 2:37 PM
Flag

Hide content
I don't think you have to make A a bridesmaid just because yours hers
- Reply
Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 25, 2019 at 2:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
You're in no way obligated to ask anyone to be in your bridal party.
- Reply
Super May 2020
Michaela · on July 25, 2019 at 3:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your friend A might feel a little sad/disappointed, but if she's really your good friend she won't let it affect your friendship. She should be happy to celebrate with you as a guest regardless if she made BM or not
- Reply
Beginner October 2020
Melissa · on July 26, 2019 at 6:05 AM
Flag

Hide content
Thank you everyone 🖤 I'm glad this isn't as odd of a situation as I thought!
- Reply
Beginner September 2020
Jacinta · on July 26, 2019 at 6:11 AM
Flag

Hide content
Do NOT ask anyone to be your bridesmaid if you don’t feel close to them. Just because she asked you does not mean you should ask her however it would be nice of you to invite her to your wedding Lol!
- Reply
Devoted June 2021
Caitlin · on July 26, 2019 at 1:56 PM
Flag

Hide content
Have who you want! If you want to have K in your party, have her! I wouldn’t feel obligated to ask A.
- Reply
Master 0000
Judith · on July 26, 2019 at 2:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
By all means, ask the newer friend, as you currently have a strong relationship. And no need to add the older friend, just because you were chosen for her wedding. If everyone chose all the bride's whose weddings they were in, to be in theirs, and same with GM and GM, some of us who married later ( 26, us) would have to have 30-55 people in our side of the wedding. Crazy time, but they add up . Nothing to be insulted about, since other things than how well you like each other come into play, like distance, budgets, size of wedding, and having the time and money to participate. And friendships wax and wane.
- Reply
Devoted October 2021
Danielle · on July 28, 2019 at 1:09 AM
Flag

Hide content
I have a bridesmaid getting married in March before me and I’m not on her wedding party and I have no issues with it. I’m going as guest and she will be in mine as a bridesmaid and we both happy for each other!
- Reply
Beginner October 2020
Melissa · on July 30, 2019 at 6:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
I accepted because my actual best friend (her other bridesmaid) begged me to and said A doesn't really have any friends, and I felt bad. I haven't heard any plans from A herself. I've heard A's decisions about her wedding from the MOH (who is A's sister), not A. We really barely talk as it is, which is why I'm not really sure I should have her as a bridesmaid. I feel like a filler bridesmaid, a stand-in backup plan that my BFF may have suggested off the cuff, and accepted more for my actual friend than for A. Although I do understand where you're coming from which is why this is an awkward situation.
- Reply
Expert August 2019
Ceelie · on July 30, 2019 at 6:35 PM
Flag

Hide content
Two of my bridesmaids are married and I wasn't a bridesmaid for either of them. Granted they are family, but I don't think it matters. If you have a set number you can't go above then stick to your guns and just do what will work for you.
- Reply
Devoted March 2021
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
Do what makes you happy!! This is your day!! You should feel or be obligated to ask anyone to be in your wedding that you don't want to be!! I understand your concern, but you have to remember, it's all about the bride!! If you only have one available spot and you want to give it to K, give it to her!! A will understand, and if she doesn't?? Oh well!! Do what makes you happy for your special day!! Just because someone invited you to be in their wedding, doesn't mean you must do the same!! What does your mutal friend say??
- Reply
VIP October 2020
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:47 PM
Flag

Hide content
I wouldn't ask A if it's out of obligation. I feel like not asking K is a good idea because you already picked and don't want to cause drama
- Reply
Devoted March 2021
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:48 PM
Flag

Hide content
And no offense to the girl who commented and said she would never speak to you again if you did this to her and because you were invited to be in A's wedding out absolutely have to ask her or step down from being her bridesmaid. I totally disagree with her!! You absolutely do not have to invite someone to be in your wedding just because they invited you. Especially after hearing you explain the situation further!! Just invite A as a guest and I promise your fine!! You have so many other things to stress and worry about, this should not be one of them!! Good luck!!
- Reply
Devoted March 2021
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:50 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I think if she wants K, she should have her!! It's her day!!
- Reply
Devoted March 2021
Kelly · on July 30, 2019 at 6:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Especially, after she explained how her mutal friend with A begged her to do it because A needed a bridesmaid and doesn't have a bunch of friends!!
- Reply
Beginner October 2020
Melissa · on July 30, 2019 at 7:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I'm glad you both feel that way, I'm pretty sure that's what will happen with A and I, I don't dislike her or anything so I hope that's not how I'm sounding. I am very happy for her, I just don't know much about her :/ if she's anything like our mutual friend then she's very go with the flow, I'm just not sure is all.
- Reply
Beginner October 2020
Melissa · on July 30, 2019 at 7:18 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Yeah I felt really bad about the situation and from what I know of A she's nice enough so I figured what the hell...and then a few months in my fiance and I finally picked a date and could start planning and I realized there's this potentially tricky situation in bridesmaid's land...
- Reply

Savvy October 2021
Nikki · on July 30, 2019 at 7:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
You pick who you want in your wedding. You are adults and if she gets angry with your decision then oh well. I have talk to a close friend who is like a sister to me and I wasn't in her wedding and she won't be in mind but a friend who I've know less will be. It is your wedding don't let others ruin it.
- Reply

5 Ways to Choose Bridesmaid Dresses Your 'Maids Will Want to Re-Wear — Bride & Bridesmaids 5 Ways to Choose Bridesmaid Dresses Your 'Maids Will Want to... Wondering how to find bridesmaid dresses you can actually wear again? Trust us...

Wedding Party The 40 Best Bridesmaid Gifts to Say Thanks to Your BFFs Your besties have had your back since the day you asked them to join your "I do"...

Wedding Party The Indispensable Guide to Bridesmaid Gift Etiquette Not sure how much to spend on bridal party gifts? How about where to buy them?...

Post content has been hidden

Awkward bridesmaids situation

25 Comments

Related articles