Attending showers right now?

Out of state can mean 20 miles or 400, that is hard to respond to. I generally do not travel any longer to an event than the event will last, for anything but an actual wedding or funeral. A shower is definitely a lesser party of the marriage, A couple of hours drive each way, max, for a shower. Beyond that, you may send a gift in advance if you really want to give two gifts . Generally, people just send one large or two smaller things, whatever their budget , at wedding time. The point of a shower is to be there when the gift is opened. If not, send it any time before the wedding. Most people do not bring gifts to a shower, or open them there, if the giver is not present. It takes long enough to politely open the gifts of those present at a shower. Guests should not have to sit through opening of a lot of gifts with the giver not there. An occasional one is fine. But now and then I have been to showers with 10-15 present where someone thought it a great idea to bring 10-30 other gifts received. So instead of opening gifts for45-75 minutes, it ran over two hours to watch , the givers not there to be thanked. Ridiculous, if those actually present spend no time with each other or the bride. The point is not to show off all the gifts you got. As for what other people think, even without Covid, traditionally no one but the bride or couple or a bride's mom travels more than a couple hours for a shower, Bach, RD or rehearsal itself. Hostesses should not expect it, unless a guest has other reasons to visit the area to make the trip worthwhile. No one ever had any reason or right to be upset with someone who declines to attend a party, as long as they decline properly by replying that they will not be coming. A shower gift is always a second gift in addition to a wedding gift. For that reason, only those closest to the bride ( or couple) are ever supposed to be invited to showers. And no one, no matter how close, need ever get a bride more than a single wedding gift, unless they feel they want to. It is not for anyone else to say, you should. Many people prefer to spend all of their budget on one large wedding gift, not split it, and that has always been proper manners even for those closest to the bride. Don't go to a shower if you don't really care to see a bride open your gift, and are happy simply sending a gift as is usual guest behavior, one wedding gift. It is fine. Always has been.

I would also say go with your gut. I’m going to a shower August 9th and it’s just about 230 miles away, but it’s my best friends and I’m a bridesmaid in her wedding.

View Quoted Comment Judith, I love this travel rule!

Mrs. S., I personally wouldn't feel safe flying there, mingling, flying home, and returning to my normal life. In case it helps, you don't need to feel pressured to go if she's not even asking you about the status of your RSVP. I've recently decided that I will ignore the opinions of people who don't share them with me directly, and I have to say, it's made it easier to make all kinds of decisions.

I wouldn’t fly that far for a shower without a pandemic, let alone with one! That’s a huge ask since you’ll likely also be traveling for the wedding. You are not obligated to attend anything you are not comfortable attending, especially with the risks. I know my state has strict quarantine rules after visiting specific other states, so look into your state restrictions and the restrictions of where the shower will be. Is the shower worth isolating for fourteen days if that’s what the state requires? Is it worth the travel costs and time? Is it worth the risk of getting this virus and bringing it back home? These are all things to consider. Either way, you have to do what you feel is best for you. If other people don’t understand that we’re in a pandemic and it’s advisable to avoid unnecessary travel, that’s on them and completely ridiculous.

My brother is getting married in October and his future wife’s wedding shower is September. We would have to travel. So we are not going to her shower. We are going to send a gift instead. So I don’t see nothing wrong with missing the shower and sending a gift. Do what’s best for you.