Asking wedding guests to return missing items etiquette

Oh wow I've never heard of this happening.. So frustrating! I'd assume most people you invited were friends so I'd probably ask for them back!

So this is definitely a unique situation. I'm not sure what etiquette rules are around this. If it were me, I would have my H say something to the couple like, "I know I said you could have that stuff at the wedding, but I didn't realize that Jennifer wanted to keep it. Those items have sentimental value for her (even if they don't, I would still just say it to distinguish these as items you own, not just items you purchased to be wedding decorations), is there any way I can get them back from you?" Just see what they say to that. My only hesitation would be if they have young kids and they asked for those items to give to their kids. I would feel bad taking them back from kids and probably let it go. If they are adults who just wanted them for themselves, I would think they would understand that your H did something he shouldn't have and give them back. I would definitely make your H talk to them because he's the one who said it would be okay. I do think it's weird to ask a couple if you can take the wedding decorations, but you do have way cooler wedding decorations than I've seen at other weddings, so I could see why people would want them.

I don't know what the etiquette here is either. I guess if you are close with thme, your husband can tell them that he misunderstood what was to be done with the decor and he thought it was ok for guests to take them but he didn't check with you first. Or something like that. I'm pretty non-confrontational and I would probably just let it go since the deed is done. Are these all items that are super important to you/you'd keep around in your home anyhow?

View Quoted Comment Yes they are friends. One of my married friends really asked for like 3 items! I didn’t think people would do that. I’m just like really. I understand if it was a vase of flowers. But you can obviously tell from our theme and decor that these are our personal collectibles.

hould I wait til I’ve had a chance to go through all our boxes and see what is missing? Then maybe send some messages out to everyone very politely asking to return the items? I don’t have all their emails or else I would bcc everyone.

Ask for them back. If they had been rentals you would or gotten a large bill! It might seem a bit weird but ease into it "this is really embarrassing....."

View Quoted Comment Thank for you the great advice. To be clear you are correct it’s not just my wedding decorations it’s my own personal collection that I do admire more that we used it in our wedding and got engaged in Disneyland. Now some pieces we did buy to use in the wedding but still have like you said sentimental value. My one friend did tell me they gave the globe to their kid. It’s one of my favorite ones and they don’t make it anymore. I did buy that one about 3 weeks before the wedding for $125! If I replace it I’ll be spending the same or more if I can find another. That couple asked for of my personal items.

The beast bear I just told a friend she could have it because she did help me setup for the wedding.

Thank you for the nice compliment about the cool wedding decor! It was a blast putting it all together but not so much taking it down lol

View Quoted Comment Yes I have all my globes displayed around my house. I use them also for Halloween decor and my kids birthday. The missing items aren’t items I just keep away in a box. But Disney/Star Wars/Marvel we are super nerds for. We have our collection all over our house and dress up even when we go watch the movies.
I’m just going to ask for the items back. The one couple who asked for 3 things, asked my husband twice for the globe. It’s just so crazy that people actually asked and thought that was ok.

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For the Snow Globe that was given to a kid, I think you can still ask for that back. I was more thinking taking a teddy bear from a kid, but I feel asking for a snow globe back wouldn't be as crushing. If you wanted to ease the conversation a bit, you could always buy a much cheaper snow globe for the kid and just say that one is my favorite, but here's a snow globe that you can have. I think you have every right to ask for your stuff back. Hopefully, your friends and family won't make it more awkward for you by saying no or something like that. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Yes definitely wait until you take inventory I'd say just in case something happened to be in there you didn't see at first.

This happened at a wedding I was at, where people thought the centerpieces were up for grabs (they weren't).

After the fact, the bride and groom sent out messages saying something along the lines of "we are so happy you were able to spend the time with us. It seems there was a misunderstanding on which items were there for guests to take, and which weren't. We apologize for any inconvenience, but if you happened to take (list of items), we'd greatly appreciate if they could be returned. They were gifts from friends and not meant to be favors. Thanks, love you all!"

Everyone who took them realized instantly that they made a mistake, and had no problem returning them, no hard feelings either way.

View Quoted Comment Thank for just putting it bluntly. That is true about getting a bill for the missing pieces. Thank you!

My mom is an event decorator and people ask to keep things all the time.

Ask for them back, tell them your husband didn't know that you wanted them, and they now hold sentimental value to you.

I would ask for them back. You can do it without sounding bad. I would just say that you noticed some sentimental personal items were picked up by mistake. That gives whoever has them the chance to do the right thing. I hope you get them back

View Quoted Comment Thank you that helps me a lot on the correct more inviting way to kindly ask for the items back.

I’m so afraid of this happening at my wedding. FH already warned me that my centerpieces may disappear. I want to resell everything after the wedding so I’m praying they will be happy with a favor and leave everything else alone.

This is exactly why I didn’t use any of my personal decor items or even rent anything for our wedding because my family is notorious for taking anything that isn’t nailed down. I didn't even have a single centerpiece left to keep for myself!

In terms of etiquette, and likely law to some degree: when a person Guest asks Host 1 , who is known to be drinking, can guest take something that does not belong to Host 1, and is told yes, the rightful owner Host 2, or Host 2 speaking as the person that rented or borrowed the item, can clearly be within bounds of etiquette and law to ask for it back. . . . Think of it this way: At a party someone says they love the red sports car in the driveway. Can the host say, take it, it has no leg room, and I don't like all the trouble of covering a convertible, and with 80,000 miles it is not worth much. Then take the keys off a hook and give the car away? His roommate's property? No. Even without drinking involved, a person can not give away what is not their property to give. . . When you said take favors, some people generalized to any little stuff they wanted. You need to politely but firmly talk with them, explain that the things hubby, after drinking at the wedding, gave away, belonged to someone else, and were borrowed or rented to use as decorations. And you want them back. Messages and texts can be really abrupt. You need a voice, or an actual letter type communication, even if sent by email, in which you apologize for the problem, and make it clear either they took things at groom's say so that were not his to give. Or you said yes to favors, and things people took were NOT favors, which are $1-3 items of little value, not collectibles with more significant value, as anyone can see. . Now as for the crystal vase of yours, that you said yes to, and anything else of yours, you are stuck. . Some people treat weddings like stuff at the curb on trash day, anything they can take, when it is quite obvious things like vases, hurricane lamps, whole unserved cakes and pies- people they recognized as guests were dismantling friends wedding canopy, while people who did not recognize then, thinking they were event staff, was watching them take $500 of stuff. The argument, " you have no use for them once you are married " does not hold water. It is perfectly obvious to anyone walking out with a $60 crystal vase belonging to the church, with church name on it, is not a freebie. I was astounded at some places I worked catering. People will try to take anything, when their own common sense tells them, this is not a giveaway item. Good luck getting your stuff back.

People are absolute vultures. I would ask for them back, directly, and not feel bad if children are involved or not. It should have been obvious that those items were not favors, or throw away items. Disney collectibles are expensive. If these "friends" want to give their child a Disney snow globe, they can buy one themselves. They shouldn't be taking advantage of your new spouse by asking him if they could have it. They had to have known it wasn't his, but were hoping he wouldn't know better and would tell them sure they could have it. They should have asked you.

View Quoted Comment I honestly didn’t think we would. But when we were thanking everyone for coming at the beginning of the reception I only mentioned the favors we available for everyone. I’m not reselling any of mine but I hope it doesn’t happen to you as well. Good luck

View Quoted Comment Wow! Sorry Ashley yea that is terrible.