Asking too much of a bridesmaid?

Honestly, yes, that sounds like she's asking too much. If she is requiring you to stay there she needs to pay for it, and based on what you've written it sounds like she's suckered you in to paying for her reception venue.

The ONLY thing she should be asking of any of her bridesmaids is to get a dress and show up wearing it. ETA: As for driving 15 hours, she can have her wedding where she wants--but if it's not feasible for you to do that then you're well within your rights to back out.

Oh goodness I thought you were posting as the Bride it was about to be a shit show.

I feel like that is a lot. I'm having a destination wedding and rented a house for my BMs to stay in if they wanted as a thank you. I only asked that they help with stocking the fridge for the weekend

You should suggest your friend join WW. She'll learn quick.

100% yes. She is asking way too much. If she wants you to stay there, then she needs to pay for it. That's exactly what we are doing for our bp. We want them to stay at the hotel the night before, so we are paying. Anything the couple is requiring is their bill. If you are given a choice and choose to do something (ie: stay at a hotel or get your hair done) is your bill as a bp member. I think that is way way to much to ask especially with everyone needing to drive 15 hours or fly. I would tell her you honestly can't afford to pay your portion of the cabin. It 100% sounds like she is trying to get the bp to pay for half of her reception costs, which is totally not your responsibility.

She should not make anyone stay at the cabin. It definitely sounds like she is trying to use you guys to help pay for her reception. I would not contribute. I bet she expects gifts after making you pay all that too.

Too much. For sure. 

Hell yeah!

Thanks for everyone's quick responses! I'll need to have a talk with her. Good to know I'm not overreacting

Yes, that's too much. Tell her that you can't afford the time off work and the cost so you will not be staying in the cabin.

Yea that's too much

Yeah, I don't understand how she would think that is acceptable. She is asking way too much.

Yes I think she is taking advantage of her bridesmaids. I think she's putting unrealistic expectations on you guys and basically is guilting you all into paying for her reception venue by phrasing it as a "pre-wedding" thing that just happens to double as the reception venue. For you to have to take time off work, and be there for a few days before the wedding and pay for it, that's just too much. Maybe have a conversation with her and explain how these demands are just a little more than you can handle right now especially with your own wedding you're planning. Hopefully she will understand and you guys can come to some kind of compromise.

I agree with RATR completely. I would also be nervous about the fact that she changed things 3x already. If you decide to put money towards her venue (that's what I think she's up to), how would you get that back should she change it again?

"Hi Bride! I am honored that you asked me to be a part of your wedding and am excited to do so. Because of the drive and time commitments on my end, I will not be able to commit to joining in on the pre wedding festivities. I can 100% commit to being there on your wedding day however I will need to plan the trip in on my own. I look forward to being a part of your wedding day!"

No, no, no. This is not how you treat your friends. I would back out of this wedding so fast...

What she is asking of her BP is ridiculous. She shouldn't expect anything more of you than a dress and your travel time.

I agree with the other ladies! Ridiculous.

Run for the hills!!!

I would first check other places in the area to stay and tell her "Hey bride/friend, it's $XX for me to stay at this other place so I'd prefer to stay there since it's less money." See how she reacts. She has every right to hold her wedding where ever she wants, but unless she's paying for where you're staying, you should have an option to stay wherever you want.

If she freaks out and says you "have" to stay with her, I would probably tell her it's too much. Where is she looking in TN? I'm in KY so I'd be interested to know the area since we're sorta close!

That is totally ridiculous! We rented a house for all our wedding guests. We didn't try to use it for the reception. And we paid for it ourselves.