Asking my father for my hand in marriage...after a year of being engaged

It's not "making everyone happy" if it makes the OP and her FI unhappy. If her father can't pick his battles, perhaps he ought not to be honored on her wedding day.

Personally, I wouldn't disinvite him as it may cause more drama. But I might consider asking someone else to walk you down the aisle. If you're close with your mom she could be a great option. Or if you have a brother, cousin, uncle, grandfather or anyone else you're close with that could be good too. Congrats on being so close to the happy day!

Yes, exactly! I agree with this 100%. Who is he to make these demands? Despite the fact that you don’t have a good relationship as it is, it’s 2019 for Pete’s sake... the only permission your fiancé needs is yours! Stay strong and stick to your guns, girl!

My father walked me down the aisle, but our officiant didn't ask him a thing.

The walk was very simply about my relationship with my dad.

Your father doesn't have to walk you down the aisle, just the same way your fiance doesn't have to ask for your father's "permission."

That said, if your dad and your fiance don't get along too well, it might be a good idea for them to at least try to talk it out.

Personally, I wouldn't let him walk me down the aisle. I would have mom do it. He sounds very selfish (sorry). The person "giving you away" should be someone who takes the honor very seriously, and wouldn't want to embarrass you. It should be a person who has supported you and FH throughout your relationship. It sounds like your father is none of those things. If he can;t take it seriously and keep his mouth shut, he shouldn't get such a huge honor.

You don't need to walk with someone you are uncomfortable with out of "tradition". No one would bat an eyelash if your mom walked you down. If mom's health is too frail, have a friend or relative you sincerely love do it. Or, walk yourself down! You are the one entering the marriage, so you are the best fit to walk yourself down the aisle!

Please don't let your dad ruin this day for you and FH! If he can't keep his mouth shut, let your venue(s) know that if he causes a disruption, he needs to be discreetly removed until he can act like the adult he is.

Also, your mom is in my prayers!

While I don't have a similar situation with my parents, I have dealt with my fair share of toxic relatives and friends before. Here is what I would do:

I would do it in person, and take your FH with you! That way when he inevitably gets angry, he can just say his side to you and FH. I 100% guarantee from what we've learned about him, there is no way he isn't going to lose his cool. The key to handling it will be how you take it. Don't be the scared little girl he thinks you are, you are a powerful woman who is FINALLY standing up for herself. Anything he says cannot be worse than what he's done in the past (just keep telling yourself that). If all else fails, your fiance is there to back you up if you need it.

When you're ready to end the conversation just say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way. While I understand you're disappointed, this is MY decision and it is final. We won't be discussing it any more. {mom, yourself, whomever is walking you} will be walking me down the aisle. If you need some time I understand, and I hope you will still be there for me on our wedding day, but if you feel you cannot, I also understand." and then just leave. What toxic people hate more than anything is knowing that their actions don't have an effect. Once you;re away from him process your true feelings, but you have to wear invisible armor when you do this! Like I said before, don't let him ruin it for you both! Good luck and we're all here if you need us!

I agree to do it with your FH there, and in person if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe just explain that you don’t feel he supports your decision (as is) and will be having someone else walk you down. If he gets angry just leave. Tell him you’ll have a conversation when he’s ready to talk it over. I haven’t had this issue myself, and not sure exactly how to handle it, but that would be my suggestion. Good luck!

You can do it!!

I'm sorry to hear that, that cannot be easy for you At least now you know you made the right decision. Hopefully he will come around and put his pride aside and come and support you. If he doesn't, you have your FH there who loves you more than anything! We're all here and we're rooting for you too! I hope your day is amazing!

I'm sorry to hear this. But remember, that is HIS decision not to attend. You did nothing wrong by setting boundaries. Just because he doesn't like those boundaries doesn't mean you have to change anything.