Asking Guests to Pay when Lodging and Food is Included

I think that’s fine personally. Most of the time I think guests tend to pay their own hotel fees etc. When my husbands cousin got married a lot of the family (including us) all rented the cabins on the property to stay wedding night as she lives states away from the rest of us

It sounds like guests have the option to stay on the ranch for $100/ night with 2 free meals. Or stay elsewhere for more/night and maybe 1 free meal(breakfast). I would simply just tell people the option and if they want to stay in a hotel they still can.


Rather than saying it's $100/night to stay here I would just tell them what the accommodation offers are and let them choose.

Is that cost a per person cost or just a fixed cost of maybe $4000 divided by 40? If it is more like the fixed cost, the people might pay more (if fewer stay overnight) or you might pay the balance.

Is the venue collecting the money or you? I would think it should be just like any other wedding where the bride and groom tell guests “here are the options”, they pick, then pay the hotel. If you’re the one collecting, I could see where this would get awkward for guests. What if they have an emergency and suddenly need to back out a few days/weeks before the wedding?

Sorry to say it’s not considered proper. If you are booking a place that requires you to rent it out then you need to pay. Otherwise it comes across as asking people to subsidize your ability to have the wedding at that venue. On top of this, your guests are free to book anywhere and may change their minds.

This is a tough situation. Typically, I would say to just list this as an option in the accommodations section of your website. However, since the guests would be paying you directly, I don’t think there is a polite/non-awkward way to do this. I think it would be super stressful and uncomfortable for you trying to collect funds from your guests while dealing with all the other planning details. And I also fear it will come off as you trying to get guests to fund your wedding venue for you. Is this ranch open to the public to make reservations to stay there when there is not an event being held there? Or is it strictly an event venue?

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. You made the choice to find a venue that requires overnight accommodation for a limited number of people and therefore it is your responsibility to cover all costs.

Agree with the PP. If the venue requires you to book the ranch in it's entire for 5 days, you should plan to pay for it all. It is improper to expect your guests to: 1) automatically give you 5 days like your wedding is their annual vacation (if taking any), and 2) pay for your wedding costs. I would rethink this plan. Flights to Sante Fe already cost your guests more being a less common route that a 5-day trip is a tall ask no matter your deal. Plus, you cause yourself more stress trying to plan 40 separate travel itineraries all while planning a wedding.

So my cousin had a wedding like this pretty much in the middle of nowhere and there were no other possible accommodations within a reasonable stay for guests to stay. They even were charging people hundreds of dollars to bring their own tentsXD . It actually caused a lot of drama within the family and many people chose not attend. I did attend but at first they tried to charge me $500 to sleep on a couch in someone else's cabin which was not happening. It still ended up being very expensive for a room I would never have booked for myself. They ended up with a lot of empty cabins, a lot of angry guests, and had to pay more than they anticipated out of pocket. I think this is a know your crowd type thing. Best of luck to you!

I’m not sure why you’d be expecting folks to stay 5 days. What if they want to stay just one night at the ranch? Sounds like you’re thinking they will help you rent the whole ranch for five days. That might end up getting really complicated.

I think all you can do is offer the ranch as an option. Where your guests end up choosing to stay is up to them. I would be prepared to pay the full balance of the ranch yourself, as there are no guarantees you'll be able to successfully fill it for those five nights.

I like the idea of including it as an option among the other hotels in the area. It sounds like it’s much cheaper than the alternatives, includes food, and is convenient since it won’t require additional transportation to the wedding venue. Making it an option allows the guests to decide for themselves if it’s the right cost and choice for them. I wouldn't make it mandatory, and I would definitely not expect everyone to stay the full 5 nights and just stick to your $100/night plan and expect to pay any unfilled nights yourself. And this way all your guests know that everyone could decline this, so then it wouldn’t look like you’re just trying to recoup your wedding costs.


It sounds like you have a small group at only 40 guests, so it shouldn’t be that burdensome to coordinate with those who decide to stay at the ranch. On your wedding website or whatever, I would just ask them to let you know by X date how many rooms and nights they’ll need, along with a payment due date. And I would use phrasing like “this includes non-wedding-related meals” to make clear that this is not a part of your payments for the reception and any other events you’re hosting, which the guests should be getting for free.
The only thing is you said “everyone is staying there.” So if you’ve already told your guests that this is the accommodation and didn’t explain the cost sharing from the get-go (implying that the lodging is covered), then it would be too late at this point to go back and surprise your guests with a fee.

Requiring guests to pay anything directly to you to attend a wedding is definitely an etiquette no-no, but I doubt anyone is expecting you to take care of the whole bill for a 5 day vacation either... unless you've already told them as much. Are there events all 5 days? Welcome parties, group activities, post wedding brunch, etc? If so, you could consider that the wedding to actually is the full 5 days and providing lodging is appropriate.

Asking guests to contribute might make sense if:

- it's as a travel/accommodation option (on your website or details card) you can offer a nightly rate at the ranch... IF guests can pay the ranch directly. At this point, it's more like a room block at a hotel, which many guests are very familiar with and doesn't feel atypical

- the rate is per room and not per person. No adults stuck sleeping on sofas without their own space. (I'm assuming all rooms are equal and people are getting private hotel like rooms no a bed in a communal bunk room or sharing bathrooms with strangers)

- it's completely optional

- you understand that any last minute cancellations or fees are your responsibility

I'd be prepared for (and strongly recommend against) a la carte requests (lodging but no food, reduced rate for singles, etc) as things will quickly morph from wedding planning to travel arranging. And you may anticipate who you'll want to pay for anyway like parents, friends who are always strapped for cash, or people it's important to have there onsite with you.

Ultimately, you may find the additional headache, logistics, and potential offense not worth the money.