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Desiree
Super March 2020

Asking guests to pay for themselves

Desiree, on August 24, 2019 at 11:14 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 24

I am having a very small, intimate affair - Currently sitting at 20 people on the list. However, this number is at a standstill solely because of the venue we chose and the package it came with. The venue is a really nice hotel in Florida, where the ceremony will take place outside on a Lawn and the...

I am having a very small, intimate affair - Currently sitting at 20 people on the list. However, this number is at a standstill solely because of the venue we chose and the package it came with. The venue is a really nice hotel in Florida, where the ceremony will take place outside on a Lawn and the reception is indoors in a private restaurant that we've rented out. They made us a deal for an intimate package (Up to 20 people) that we just couldn't refuse, and we thought 20 would be more than enough. However... Once we started counting, we quickly realized to hit 20, we would be making plenty of sacrifices, and cutting out a lot of friends that we would want to invite if money wasn't an issue.

Here's the thing, I really want to invite maybe 4-8 more people. The venues we've selected are more than accomodating and could easily fit another 20 people, so that's not a concern. However, when you factor in $120+ per person for the food alone, I'm just having a hard time finding space in the budget.

My question is this, would it be rude to invite these people, but ask them to pay for themselves in order to come? I've vaguely heard of people doing this exact thing, but to me, it's always sounded rude - But now that I'm in the position of paying for my own wedding, I can see why people do it. Is there any advice? Is it rude or is it reasonable? And if it is reasonable, how would you word it or ask the guest without sounding greedy?

24 Comments

  • L
    Lady ·
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    Very rude. Either find a cheaper venue to be able to be able to accommodate your entire guest list or scale your guest list down for the more expensive venue.

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    So true about the news, ha ha!

    Sorry OP but this a big time NO. Unless you've signed the contract and paid the deposit maybe you can see if there are other budget friendly options.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    There is no honor in being told, come see us, Chris and Pat, and bring $260 to pay your way, meal drinks and tips . They can see you marry free in front of a JP. No party. Being invited to throw someone else's party is not an honor. If it were, people would be doing it regularly. More than honored, people will think, what kind of fool do you think I am, that you would do something so rude as to ask me to pay to go to your wedding, and think I would do it?
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  • MrsHamm
    Dedicated September 2019
    MrsHamm ·
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    Asking a guest to pay to attend YOUR party is beyond rude. You absolutely have to have the wedding you can afford. So you either invite the people you want to have there and cut something else or you don't invite them - plain and simple. I know you don't want to hear it, but that's the truth.

    If I got invited to a friend's or relative's wedding and someone said I had to pay for my food at their wedding, I would gladly tell them where they can put that request. Please understand that your guests have their own apparel expenses, hotel costs, transportation costs, and the gift they are buying you. Most wedding guests spend at least $150 bucks to attend a wedding (and that is the cheap end).

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