Asking Guests to Pay for Dinner

This is the scam of a lot of destination weddings. The couple just pushes off the cost of their wedding onto their “guests” by having them stay at the resort for exorbitant prices. The guests are pretty much paying for the reception bc the food is already included in their all inclusive stay. The couple should have made it clear that guests need to stay at the resort if they were unwilling to pay for those staying elsewhere. This is not your problem. They failed to prepare and are being bad hosts. I’d decline even going to the ceremony and enjoy my vacation.

Why are you contacting the planners? You shouldn't even have to be dealing with them at all. This is all the responsibility of the bride and groom to work out and make sure they pay for the meals for all of their guests, it's not your responsibility whatsoever.

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This is exactly right, and why I don't like going to weddings at all inclusive resorts. The guests are subsidizing the cost of the wedding.

If the bride and groom don't take care of this problem by covering the costs and communicating with the planners themselves (seriously, why do you have to be the one dealing with them?) then I wouldn't go to the wedding and I would be rethinking my friendship.

View Quoted Comment You both are so 100% right!! I can't believe all the replies saying "the $100+ entry fee is on them if they stay elsewhere." Are you kidding me?? After airfare and ANY lodging??? Not acceptable IMO. I dislike destination weddings personally but I'm fine with them if all they cost is travel and stay- an extra fee to even attend the wedding (and even more to eat??) Is so unbelievably tacky and rude. I want to use some VERY prohibited language. I'm sorry OP is dealing with this.

Oh this whole scenario sounds terrible. My hateful side says to just enjoy it as a mini vacay for your family and ditch the wedding. It's really awful that it's so expensive and also that the communication was so poor. I don't even eat $220 good on a regular day in my life, sure couldn't just for a wedding

The high cost of a DW for guests is one of the reasons we decided on 15 guests only (mostly family) and hosted a local reception for friends. Even though our DW was only a 1-hour flight (or 8-hour drive) asking guests to pay for flight + hotel + costs with travel (gas, food, etc) is a LOT. Thinking “If they love us they’ll spend $1K+ to attend our wedding” is silly. That would have been a hardship for several of our friends.

Unless it was a vaca we really wanted, I’d decline going to a non-U.S. wedding—too much money. I’ve gone to a few in the U.S. for a sibling and BFF but declined ones for a cousin & several friends/colleagues due to cost.

Wow I feel really bad for you but at least you'll be at a beach! I'd still go on the vacation and have a great time in the sun. I would not go to their $220 dinner. Go to Sunset Monalisa, it has a beautiful view, excellent food, and it's less than $220 for few courses for two.

If there is a fee to attend the wedding, that fee should be on the hosts, not the guests, period. This whole thing is gross.

Unfortunately, some people think they can save on wedding costs because a resort will give them a "free" wedding. But what the resort is really doing is recognizing that all guests there have already paid for all their meals, so it doesn't cost anything extra for the resort to have one of those meals be the reception. (I suspect that the B&G are not actually paying for the wedding package, or if they are, the cost is just for things like the officiant, photographer, and flowers.) But as you have figured out, that reception isn't really "free"; they are really just having their guests pay for their wedding.

Of course, this is incredibly rude of them--first to expect that the guests staying at the resort will be effectively paying for their wedding, and then to dun those who do not stay at the resort. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of advice for you. Your friends have placed you in an awful position due to their own thoughtlessness.

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I agree with this fully. I'm just sitting here shaking my head in disbelief after reading this story.

Wow what an awful situation. I don't know a lot about destination weddings other than they are expensive to go to, but asking you to fork over another $500 for dinner is absurd. Go to the ceremony if you can sit through it without seething in anger and enjoy the rest of your trip with your family. So rude!

I'm in a bad mood this morning, so my advice would be to email/call/text your friend and tell her that you'll be attending the ceremony and not the reception because you are not paying $500 more dollars on top of the $3000 you've already spent to attend the destination wedding that they chose to have. Maybe also remind her that this would never be asked of any guest at a non-destination wedding, and it shouldn't be asked in this case either.

And honestly, they sound like terrible friends and I wouldn't care if this made the friendship end. You haven't done anything wrong, and your friends are being cheap and selfish. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

I sort of think it's crappy they gave you the number to the planner so you can sort it out. You are a guest, and it is the bride or groom's responsibility to sort it out. You are not planning this wedding, you should have no contact with their planner whatsoever.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm at a loss just as you are. I'm going to look through the other responses you've received here, and see if anyone else has a solution. I feel for you!

ETA: Agree with others, attend the ceremony only and enjoy the vacation

I don't really have advice either other than to really evaluate why this friendship is so much more important to you than it is to them. They're being unbelievably rude and inconsiderate and I'd drop them in a hot second and enjoy my vacation. So so gross.

It is outrageous, but lots of people who do destination weddings expect guests to subsidize, but it is hidden.

This is outrageous. I would go enjoy my vacation and skip the wedding all together. It is unbelievably rude that you are being asked to pay for your own meal/work with the wedding planner to “figure it out”

Holy crap. That is SO rude and tacky. I am speechless....there is no way in the world I would pay for the dinner!! It’s so expensive just to travel and get there! I am SO sorry. What a lousy situation!

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It's the B&G who told you that you need to pay for dinner or the resort? If it was the resort, maybe the B&G don't know. If they are the ones who told you to pay for dinner, that's horrible. I would say just go on the vacation and not the wedding if they are the ones who told you to pay. That's incredibly rude of them. Even though you are spending money on a vacation you aren't really that excited to take, you can take that $440 and do something fun with your kids while you are there, or just save it and spend the time on the beach.

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You're a way better person than me. Their "friendship" wouldn't mean all that much to me after this ignorant, obnoxious behavior. I wouldn't attend the Reception or the Ceremony. If I don't mean enough to them for them to host me at the Reception, which is the responsibility of the Couple, then they wouldn't mean enough to me to celebrate their marriage with them at the Ceremony. Sorry to be harsh, but this is just an awful situation to put friends into. Glad they think they're so special, but no thanks.

I'd take the vacation, relax, and enjoy myself.

The couple is hosting the rehearsal dinner and the wedding dinner. They should pay for all guests coming to the resort for their wedding, invited by them, regardless of where they are staying. If they are not planning to, do not go. If they wanted you as guests, they would treat you right. Bad enough to pay for your transportation and accommodations. No excuse for expecting you to pay for actual parts of the wedding.