Asking Guests to Pay for Dinner

I have been invited to one destination wedding and we declined. So I don't have any personal experience, but this is horrendous. I don't even get it. Is the place all inclusive and they were just gonna have ppl eat at the buffet??? I'm lost on this one too. Frankly, no matter what the situation may be, I think the couple's extortion tactics are gross.

The bride and groom should be paying for this. Part of the expense of having a DW is knowing that not all your guests will stay at the same resort as you (mostly for the reasons you mention in your post.) We attended a DW in January and the bride and groom paid for everyone who wasn’t staying at the same resort to get on to the resort the day of the wedding. I think for them it was $100 per person.

If I was being made to pay almost $500 to attend the wedding, I’d go on the vacation but decline the wedding.

WOW! Shame on the B&G!! I agree that it's messed up for the resort to charge that much, BUT that is not your (as a wedding guest) fault. It is the B&G's responsibility, and that is so messed up they gave you the wedding planner's phone number instead of offering to take care of THEIR mistake. Obviously the friendship means a lot to you, or else you wouldn't be going to such an expensive wedding (not a big fan of DWs, they are too much to ask of people..but I digress). However, I would be checking into my arrangements to see how much money I'd lose if I canceled. That is just me though. However, to keep the peace, it might be worth the extra money. So sorry you are having to deal with that though...so messed up of the B&G!

If you end up paying for dinner, don’t give the bride and groom a gift/money. That’s really not cool and it’s extremely rude that they are asking you to pay, they should be paying for the dinners since they are technically hosting you all. Reading this makes me mad for you, sorry you're going through this.

I’m having a destination wedding. The bride and groom should be paying for you both to be on resort the day of the wedding. Our day of wedding fee is $100 per person.

Can you go to the ceremony and not the dinner? If so, I'd go have an awesome vacation, attend the ceremony, and skip the rest of the wedding celebration. $220 per plate!? $440 for the two of you as a couple for one dinner???? Are they serving diamonds for dinner? The B&G should have taken care of this and never mentioned it to you.

This is overwhelming. I cannot believe they are asking that of you. So essentially by staying at the resort, guests were paying for their share of the wedding too? That is SO classless. And charging $220 a plate is absurd. I agree, calling the wedding planner is something you should be done. I'm not sure if you got them a gift already, but for sure DO NOT if you haven't.

That's.....insane. Sorry to put it so bluntly. But I read that and my jaw dropped. Not only do they expect you to pay your way to get there, but they put a list of demands on you that they didn't make clear until after the fact?

"I am also miffed that these expenses would be passed onto us as guests of their wedding after we've already spent thousands to attend the wedding in the first place." <---THIS EXACTLY!

And as far as being treated/feeling like a burden or a problem maker - that makes me think that while the friendship/relationship is very important to you, maybe yours isn't so important to them. Of course, I don't know any of the people involved, just what I'm reading in a forum, so that's not really for me to say, but that's my gut reaction!

If it were me in the situation, my first attempt would be to plead my case the way you have here. "Look, here's where we're at, we have already spent XX, we weren't aware of a, b, c, etc. And we simply cannot afford to do all of these things we weren't aware we had to do when we booked everything."

And if that didn't work - I'd eat the loss and just stay home! Sucks to be out the money, of course, but if it's going to save you the extra you're being "asked" to spend and it keeps your sanity - better to be out the money than your peace of mind! That's my two cents, I TRULY hope this all works out for you!

That is rough... is the destination at least a place you both want to visit? I would possibly try to do as a pp said and just go to the ceremony and enjoy your vacation. I wouldn't attend the dinner, unless I was extremely close to the person, like basically family.

Wow, totally not cool. I don't understand why you would be asked to pay for your plate regardless of where you are staying...B&G should give the resort a head count for the wedding and that's it. It shouldn't matter where those guests are staying, at least IMO, I've never actually been to or planned a destination wedding so maybe I'm not familiar with how things actually work.

I mean it just depends on how confrontational you want to be. I feel that you should be able to politely say how you feel to friends and family whether they agree or not, so personally I would be sending an email to the B & G explaining that you wanted to attend their wedding but couldn't afford to stay at the resort, not to mention it was adults only. So you made other arrangements including a babysitter and now you are being asked to pay additional money to attend the wedding that you've taken vacation time from work for, and spent thousands of dollars on. Also that it was never mentioned you HAD to stay at the resort where the wedding is taking place. From there it would be your decision to give them an ultimatum of either taking care of the situation/paying for your plates or if you want to forgo going to their wedding.

Do you have trip insurance? Can you cancel? Or you could still take the vacation and not attend the wedding.

Nope nope nope. Totally unreasonable - they pay or you don’t attend the reception and have an enjoyable holiday.

I would skip the wedding and enjoy my vacation. Ridiculous.

Our airfare is Non-refundable and we would only get about $150 reimbursed for our lodging. The Air B&B host has been so awesome and accommodating, so I would feel HORRIBLE if we cancelled on him!

It's Cabo San Lucas... not a bucket-list vacation site but we were looking forward to a little down-time!

We've taken the time off from work, we've ordered the passport for the baby, and we've spent good money so we're going on the trip!

I like the suggestion of attending the Ceremony and passing on the dinner. That might be the most subtle way of attending without stirring the pot and creating drama.

I am going to inquire about a $100 resort fee for the day. That seems a lot more reasonable.

$220 per plate in Mexico is outrageous and my jaw dropped when they asked!

$50... fine, but $220... not a chance.

Oh wow! The B&G should've definitely disclosed this information. That's a lot of money and something that you shouldn't be responsible for. I am going to a destination wedding in a few months and my FH and I decided to stay at a different resort which saved us about $1000. The B&G did however inform guests not staying at the resort that they would have to pay a guest pass of $140pp. They will be having a welcome cocktail hour and dinner which we are skipping because we're not paying that fee twice. That being said, that's a lot of money and if I were you I wouldn't attend, you have to draw the line somewhere.

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this.

However, if it looked like I’d have to pay $500 to attend the wedding, I’d probably 1) see if I could cancel the trip and get a refund but if not then 2) suggest only attending the ceremony to my friend and going out with my hubby for our own private dinner. Last resort, I’d skip the wedding (I would not pay an extra $500) and enjoy the vaca I already paid for.

So for our DW in Cancun we pay the resort to host our wedding just as we would here at home we pay per person to eat drink etc. All of which we are happy to pay for as our family and friends are traveling so far to attend our wedding. Our resort charges $65 per person for a day pass to come on the resort if they are not staying there, so FH and I informed everyone of this on our website we are good to cover dinner and drinks but if you decide to stay somewhere else that cost should be on you.
In your situation the Bride and Groom should be paying for your dinner but the fee to go on the resort for that day should be on you guys since you decided to stay somewhere else.
That information should have been given to you beforehand though so I put that blame on B&G.

I've heard back from the planners.
They cannot provide a discount as the fees are clearly stated in the Bride & Grooms contract.

I agree with everyone's sentiments above. We are currently working with the planners to see if they will allow us to attend the Ceremony. I guess it will be up to the B&G to decide if they are willing to shell out the $500 for us to attend the Reception.
We've already spent 3k to attend the wedding so we'll see how it goes!
Really unbelievable!

First of all I am sorry you are going through this..


I am doing a destination wedding at all inclusive resort as well and this is their rules ... for guests that don’t stay at the hotel I’d have to pay $100 for them to attend the wedding instead of the regular price which is already included in the package unless of course is more than the package guests limit then that’s an additional price. Ok so $100 to attend the wedding plus an additional $100 day pass for them to be able to enter the resort.. so maybe this is what they’re charging you.. I am letting all my guest know that in advance though. I don’t think it’s fair that they didn’t let you know this information in advance. For my guests that don’t want to spend that much money by staring at the resort I will be laying for the wedding stuff, but not for their day pass to enter the resort. And I am letting them know that now so that they can know upfront...
it’s messed up that they didn’t tell u this in advance...

View Quoted Comment Yup same here!!!

Is it pesos or 🇺🇸 dollar? Wow! Thats shoyld have been explained. Sorry i believe the advice given about only attending the one event