Asking for money for a bridal shower

“I’m sorry but I will not be able to contribute.” And then don’t engage about it at all. This is beyond rude that they’ve reached out like that, especially after invitations went out.

Yikes! I have no advice, but I do have sympathy. No one is obligated to put on a shower for anyone else. However, if someone volunteers to be the host, they should be the host. That means planning it and paying it.

It's one thing if it's supposed to be a group effort to begin with, e.g., the MOH asks the BMs if they want to host as a group. But in that case, the BMs can say no, or they can say they will but only if the budget is less than X. Just planning the whole thing without regard to who has volunteered to host and what their budgets are, then expecting them to contribute, is incredibly tacky.

You can always say no. But I'm not sure to what extent a bunch that has already shown themselves to be tacky and self-entitled will be upset with you for not going along with their extortion.

I would just ignore the text. If they keep resending, then I would respond that unfortunately I’ve already purchased a gift within my budget for the bride, and leave it at that.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this.

Thank you, this was incredibly helpful. I was second guessing myself for a second there, as if this was a new norm but I was really offended with the offhand text the next day especially since I'm not even a host.

Wow! That is beyond tacky. If my MOH asked my friends to pay for my shower, I’d be beyond angry. I would just say something like, I’m unable to contribute money, but would love to bring a dish to share (if you are).

View Quoted Comment Well said!! I second (or third or fourth by now) this!

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I am the sixth or seventh top agree.

“Hey, I think you sent this to the wrong person. I’m not the host or in the bridal party. No worries though, I’ll see you then!”
🙃

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I love this response!! I am sorry, OP, that anyone put you in this position.

View Quoted Comment This is my kind of response. 🤷🏼‍♀️
But really, sorry OP, you shouldn’t be put in that position at all.

View Quoted Comment Yea this definitely would be my response.

Rude! Not even tacky just plain rude.
I'd ignore it. If they respond again I'd say
Sorry I'm not in the bridal party, I'll be there with my gift thanks.
Any further engagement on the matter just say people outside the bridal do not pay for the shower and stop responding. If they get ugly I'd consider telling the bride her MOH/family is being that way.

I would ignore it or say "my contribution will be a physical gift". Its really rude that they asked for money. It would have been far more acceptable to ask everyone to bring a dish or something.

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Jumping on the This Response bandwagon! This is a perfectly polite response while still letting them know that their request is rude and awful.

Honestly, I can't imagine what goes through people's heads these days. Asking invited guests to contribute. I certainly hope the bride isn't aware that they're doing this. I'd be mortified if my family or BP did this.

I feel that is rude! If you are not part of the wedding party then you have no responsibility or obligation to chip in.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this .

I've never heard of guests being asked to financially contribute to the cost of throwing a bridal shower. I would respond with something like, unfortunately I am unable to contribute financially.

View Quoted Comment Those who are putting on the shower, hosts, pay for it. It is not a bridesmaid thing. Often none or only one BM is involved in a shower planning. Or it is planned and given by friends not in the BP, or by family, or by some combination. But only these volunteer hostesses plan and pay. No asking BM not doing it, or other people, for money. Plan to do what you can afford as hostesses. It does not have to be expensive or elaborate to be a great shower .

I too would just ignore it