Aren't rehearsal dinners supposed to be somewhat close to the venue?

It’s pretty typical to invite all out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner so if her family is staying with them I think it’s normal for them to be invited. That is a decent amount of driving to do but your fiancé is right about that they’re paying for it so it’s their call. The only thing you can really do is tell her that you feel it’s too much driving and see if she’s willing to host it somewhere closer. Can you have it at the venue? Or in the church fellowship hall?

We are inviting wedding party, immediate family and all out of town guests to the dinner after the wedding party does rehearsal. We are not having the dinner near our venue. We live about 20-30 minutes from out venue and are having the dinner back in town at a local restaurant. The people who want to come will travel. Also if they are paying for it, they really have a say. We wanted a BBQ after the rehearsal but FFIL and FMIL insisted they pay for it and have it catered at a local restaurant, so that's what we are doing.

Grace has a point. You can communicate to her that you feel there is too much driving involved. If she isn't willing to change her plans, you can politely decline her offer. She may not like that either. For us, we planned to pay for the RD ourselves. Our FILs wanted to host, so I told FMIL that we would really appreciate it but we want it at the hotel we're staying at, which is next to our venue. I told her if that wasn't okay with her, I understand and I would pay for it myself. She didn't care and is hosting it at the hotel.

I don’t think a 25 minute drive is that far to go from rehearsal to the dinner. I also agree with your FH that if she’s paying, it’s up to her. My advice would be to let this one go or say thanks but no thanks to her hosting and pay for it yourselves with less people somewhere closer to the venue.

Our rehearsal dinner is being catered by our hotel, which is 5 miles from our venue. That being said, when my brother got married, they did their rehearsal dinner near their house, which was about a 20 minute drive from the hotel (venue) that all the OOT guests were going to be staying. Maybe it's just because driving isn't a "thing" in the midwest, but I don't think a 20 minute drive is much...shoot, pretty much everything I do around here is an hour drive lol.

Our venue is about 25 minutes from anywhere to eat. We're doing rehearsal then driving 25 minutes to go eat. Then we still have some people who will be driving an hour home. 25 minutes isn't that far to drive. You can always have it optional - if they don't want to drive, they don't have to come. If she wants to host/pay, let her. It's not worth stressing over.

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I agree with this, I would just make it optional.

My FH mom also wants to host the rehearsal dinner and wanted to do something closer to home (about 30 minutes from the venue) but I let FH know that it isn’t very logical as my side of the bridal party lives 30 minutes the other direction and myself and my bff/bridesmaid from out of state will be going to the hotel (20 minutes in a 3rd different direction) for the night and would prefer something closer to the venue so it’s a short drive and then everyone can go their separate ways for the night. As for guest list, we will be doing bridal party and spouses, immediate family, my grandma and his aunt from out of town who will be staying with his parents.

It's traditional for the groom's family to host the rehearsal dinner, and as hosts, they really do get to say where it is and any extra people they want to invite (though if their out of town guests are invited, it's really rude to not invite your parents' OOT guests). What time do you need to get up on the wedding day to not have to rush? Having the party the night before, even if you leave at 9, is a really nice thing. If you're having a big wedding, it's a good way to spend a bit more time with just the family.

Your fiance is right...they're paying for it so you're at their discretion. I could understand inviting out of town guests that are staying with your fiance's family. It sounds like she wants to provide food for her guests while still participating in the rehearsal shenanigans, which is admirable and very accommodating.

You could suggest that she host a brunch after the wedding for her out of town guests to enjoy and that you'll plan on attending. This option may not work because it all depends on timing for everyone involved.

The other option is that you just drive/carpool and attend her party after rehearsal.

I'm really confused. It's a 30 minute drive. My fiance is a 30 minute drive from me and when I move into our new house, I'm driving 30 minutes to work every day. A 30 minute drive is not far. At all. So chill.

I think your fiance is right. If they are footing the bill, let them do as they please.

Idk 25 minutes to me equates to 20 mins driving lol sooo it's really not that bad. People have a rehearsal at their venue then drive to a restaurant all the time. This is not something I would be freaking out about.

25-30 minutes seems doable to me. If it's not the RD you envisioned ask her what other ideas she would be open to as far as location.

Are your wedding party people, most at least, near your church? Because rehearsal dinners are very often not done immediately after the rehearsal. Many churches are always booked Wed-Sat, from choirs to weddings, baptisms etc. So they do rehearsals on Sun evenings or weekday evenings when possible. All wedding party members are not needs for most rehearsals. Lots of people have no actual rehearsal at all if many have been in weddings before. B and G and maybe music person, and anyone within 15 min may meet with the officiant or clergy. And time one walk down the aisle, to estimate for music length. Then fill everyone not at the rehearsal in, either just before the RD, for 5 minutes. Or the day of the wedding.There have been a number of times the only practice we had was days or hours earlier in an empty parking lot, a 5 minute walk through of pairing up and walking. Then gone in to a dinner. So, if FMIL will not budge, and you do not want to decline the whole rehearsal dinner she plans and do it yourself, consider you and groom and maybe others, maybe not, meeting with clergy. And partial rehearsal, with others filled in by you. Then on RD day , everyone could go straight to it, and back home. And it could be held on a different date.