Are you fiance's parents contributing financially to your wedding?

I don't think you should count on any momey unless it's in hand. FILs mentioned paying for the "extra" people they wanted there that we cut to keep our numbers low but I didn't want to count on their money so we also did not invite those people. We are paying for our own wedding! We parents have mentioned giving us a sizeable gift but again we are not counting on that money or spending it ahead of time!

My parents are paying for a LARGE portion of the wedding. In fact, probably 80%. A lot of the invites sent were to Dad's family out of state and they probably won't come due to travel but still. I feel very grateful to them/him for offering so much. Fiance is paying a good bit as well, close to $10k (this is becoming a very expensive wedding) ; I have contributed a little but not as much as I have wanted as I have been on FMLA due to a personal issue and my pay hasn't been normal. But at the start, FMIL and FFIL reached out and sent a list of the things they would finance: rehearsal dinner, officiant fees, license fees, DJ, groom's presents, boutonnieres and corsages. It was so helpful to have a typed out list of what they were willing to help with which was very generous. I fully understand the tradition of the brides family footing most of it but I was really elated that my future in-laws took the reign before anyone had to ask and told us up front they'd pay for those things. I recommend getting your future inlaws involved if you have a good relationship and say something like, "we are so excited for the wedding, and we are taking care of most of it, but if there is any inclination to contribute financially to some costs given it is a wedding including both sides of families and friends just let us know! If not, we just can't wait to celebrate with you." That mayyyy come across as grabby but honestly tradition now is kind of dumb and if it's two people getting married I don't see why it really HAS to be bride's family covering it all. But then again my Dad is one of 'pomp and circumstance' and doing things right and he has a lot of 'VIP' friends that I know he wants to accommodate so if it's his wish then I just go with it.

FH’s parents are paying for over half of the wedding. We only have to put out 5K-6K. Neither of my parents have contributed financially due to lack of funds and other things. But my mom will help in other ways such as addressing all of my envelopes (only because I like her writing more), plus she lives closer so she can be here for everything when I ask whereas FH’s mom can’t be since she lives 3 hours away.

My FH lives in a developing country. They are not able to even attend the wedding.

Its really hard and they feel pretty bad but they live without personal transportation and try to get by day to day.

Coming from a Hispanic/Mexican culture traditionally we have “padrinos” or godparents for big events (Sweet 15, & weddings). The godparents are usually from both sides of the family & they either contribute specified monetary amount, or cover the cost of a specific thing (food, music, attire, etc). Brides’s mom usually pays for the dress (which she is & has given a budget). My aunts & uncles are giving $ as well that can cover whatever our needs are. On fiancé’s side, even though Hispanic also they’re from South America,& it seems like they don’t traditionally do this. His mom had already said she would pay for the cake, but no one else ha volunteered financially. But fiancé & I talked & decided to bring the topic up. So with help of my mom as well to help lead the convo, all his aunts & uncles said they would help financially with what they can. They haven’t given us how much they can contribute just yet (we just had the convo a wk ago), but at least we know they will. We’re also going to make sure they know that whatever they contribute we are considering as their wedding gift to us as well, & make it more feasible also.

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So you actually went to FH's aunts and uncles and asked them what they would be willing to pay for, for your wedding? I can't imagine asking my own parents for money unless they offered it. Is this traditional in your culture?

Nope, we are doing this 100% on our own. I should add that we are in our early 50's, so......

My parents have passed, his parents did not offer and hubby would have politely declined, they are retired.

I think, given the circumstances, it’s not unfair to ask them to contribute. My husband side of the family was about 75% of our guest list, and I flat out said he would either need to cut people to make it even, or contribute. His mom mentioned several times that traditionally, the brides parents were responsible for paying for the wedding, and I told them that was completely fine, they would just need to cut their guest list to match my family’s side. I even had a few aunts and uncles that I didn’t invite because I don’t really speak to them, so if I can cut them, my in-laws could cut their side. They were unwilling to do so, so they contributed $3500 towards our catering, and $500 towards the bar, mostly because my parents don’t drink. Typically, I wouldn’t say you should ask anybody to contribute to your wedding, but if one side has significantly more gas than the other side, I don’t think it’s out of line.

My fiance's family actually is paying for all the expense except for my dress and cake. I am paying for my dress and cake only. I feel lucky!

FH and I are paying for the majority of our wedding. My parents initially told us they would contribute $5000. They hit that mark and are still offering us more money. We are so so grateful for them and what they’re giving us, since we asked no one to contribute anything. They haven’t asked for anything in return, and don’t push to be included in planning decisions.
Our guest list is around ~140, with the majority being FH family and friends. FMIL and FFIL have offered us nothing towards the wedding but keep trying to add people to the list and keep trying to get us to add other additional costs on our dime. From the start, they offered to host and pay for the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant — then told us we could either choose between the dinner or money. If we chose the money (didn’t give us an amount), they would have the rehearsal dinner at their home. Where there is definitely not enough space to comfortably fit 30+ people 😑 They also keep saying that 30 people is too many but are continuously adding people to that list. Every time they offer us anything, they never follow through so at this point I’d rather stick with a nice rehearsal dinner than count on money that we will most likely never even see. We’ll see if they follow through with the dinner... (the point here is that from my experience and countless other stories that I’ve heard, in laws are the freakin worsttttttt 😂).
I would have your FH talk to his family. It sounds like they didn’t actually offer any money to you, so it’s not like they’re obligated to help with the costs. I totally understand it’s frustrating, especially when your parents have been covering the cost of people they didn’t expect to. Since you’re only a month away, I guess it’s too late to cut the guest list at all. Maybe they’ll feel bad and want to contribute. But I wouldn’t count on it. Good luck!

This is something you just need to be frank about with your fiancé. I mean, you’re getting married, so the two of you should be able to talk about this between yourselves! Then it would be up to him to approach them if you decided on a contribution.

My family is paying for everything, except a few things my fiancé and myself have paid for. His family is very poor and I know they couldn’t afford to pay for even a fraction of the rehearsal dinner. Of course, this meant being frugal and having to cut out some extras that my parents shouldn’t have to pay for and we decided we could do without (like a limo, extra decorations, an extravagant photo package).

View Quoted Comment Very traditional. Of course you’d never ask someone randomly & be like “hey, give me $ for my wedding”. And of course you have to have gauged or have an idea of how willing they’d be to do so as well. If you know they can’t or won’t, then don’t ask. they’re all very willing & happy to help us out. We’re not expecting them to take care of most of the costs, but between everyone we can get our photographer & videographer covered for sure.