Are you fiance's parents contributing financially to your wedding?

FMIL is not. She offered several times but we know she cannot afford to. My mom gave me $100 towards my dress and then gave us our early wedding present of $400 to help with the wedding. The rest is all us.

That’s tough! I had a similar situation happen to me about a bridal shower. My FMIL wanted to throw me a shower and so did my MOH. I tried to be frugal and told them they could just throw one together and it would save them both money. They agreed. Then my FMIL never mentioned it again. So my MOH was stuck with double the guest list, a venue, and food/drinks, decor, invites, ect. Because it was more or less my fault, I bit the bullet and told her I’d cover half the venue cost, cost of food, and non alcoholic drinks. I know it’s not typical or even proper of me to contribute to my own shower but given the circumstances and how it was my fault (in my opinion) I just couldn’t burden her with it all. Now I have yet to mention anything to my FMIL because she is already helping with a large chunk of the wedding and the entire rehearsal dinner and I feel like I would be selfish to remind her.
Talk to your FH and let him know that you feel this way and maybe you both could be contributing more if you truly don’t want to put it on your parents. The idea of “how are we going to come up with MORE money?”, might kick your FH in the butt and cause him to reach out to his own family to ask for the help.

My FH's parents have offered to help as have mine. The issue I was having is they wouldnt tell me what or how much they wanted to help with, which cause a meltdown for me and I was trying to plan. I have had my FH ask them what they want to help with or if they can help pay for the food. I'm leaving it up to him and his parents to decide as I do not feel comfortable asking.

We are paying for majority of our wedding, but my parents are paying for the venue and a few other things. FH's family hasn't once offered to do anything and they have majority of the guest list. We aren't expecting anything because the way we see it is if we want it, we will pay for it. We have learned not to expect anything, but like you said, even a nice gesture would be wonderful. Also, the less they help, the less say they have and that's what I keep telling myself. Granted, my wedding is still a ways out and they could surprise me, but I'm not expecting it. You could either ignore it or bring it up to them in a polite way. I don't have much input because I'm in the same boat, but best of luck!!

My FMIL is giving us $2700 and FFIL (they are divorced) asked us to let him know how he could help. We are going to ask for something small as he still has three young kids at home. My mom initially told me she would give us $500 but has not yet so I’m not counting on itand my Dad hasn’t offerred any help. I’m a little disappointed that my Dad hasn’t offered since I’m his only child and I know he could so I’m hoping he does closer to the wedding. We can pay for it but it would mean a lot if he offered some help. As far as your situation, I think that maybe your fs could gently bring it up as they requested the additional guests and offerred but if you can swing it and don’t feel comfortable with that I’d just let it go.

My future in laws have given us 3,000. And then my dad is giving us 5,000. Parents are not obligated to give you money, though.

My mom is probably contributing about $1500 but my dad and my fiancé's side are not contributing at all. I wish they would, but unfortunately we are 33 and my fiancé has been married once before, I think the consensus is we are on our own. It's not easy!

View Quoted Comment Is your FMIL name on the invitation as host of the shower? If so, I do think funding needs to be brought up to her.

Regardless, you did the right thing, I would of paid half too.

Nope, not in my case. No one has offered or really seem to care about our planning to be honest. We're paying for it ourselves and my mom and grandma will be assisting me. I think you guys should have specifically nailed down what they would be contributing before putting those people on the guest list. I would never add extra people if we wouldn't afford it and they didnt offer to pay for them first. They can't just invite people to something they aren't paying for. The rehearsal dinner is a nice thing they are doing, but so much smaller when looking at the large scheme of things. I don't know what you can do now because you didn't have a specific amount requested from them. At the least FH can ask them if they planned to contribute and see what they say. But at the end of the day you all invited them so you may have to bite that expense.

They may be 'old school' and think they have done their part with the rehearsal. My future in laws definitely thought that my parents were going to pay, both because if 'tradition' and my parents live kind of large. But my parents paid for their own wedding so they were passing that same message on to us lol. With that we told both sets who ever they wish to have included in our day they would need to pay for. Including any family and family friends. Worked like a charm and took the list (especially my FI parents list) way down, suddenly those people aren't important any more!

You may be past that point now. But I think he can go back and say that your parents can only afford X number of people (120 50/50 split) anything additional they or he will need to take care of. You speak of that $10k as it's yours. Is your FI not contributing anything?

I've heard from a couple family members that they want to help/contribute to this and that..I however am not counting on their word.

Until they actually come through with what they want to help with, I'm just keeping the budget to what we can pay for ourselves.

Can you ask your fiance again? My FFIL gave us $3,000 for the wedding, then is paying for the rehearsal dinner. If they mentioned it once, I don't think it's weird bringing it up.

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Ohh I like this approach- good thinking! My FH is in school so he cant really help out now, but the idea of what can we as a couple do, might prompt him to open the communication back up again with his family. all these final balances are coming in now, so its a good time to open the discussion. thanks!!!

No one on my side or my Fiancé side is contributing financially... It gets stressful when everyone wants a say so but no one is offering a penny. ( not that they are obligated too ) but to me it’s just the principle.

If I were in your shoes I would atleast cut the list in half or bring it to their attention since they did say they will help contribute due to them adding everyone.

My FH's parents are helping us. They are covering the cost of our venue, food, and alcohol. We are paying for the rest. My parents are both deceased, or else I'm sure they would have helped us out as well.

My In-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, the flowers, my husband's tux, and our hotel room for the wedding night. They offered though, we didn't ask them to pay for anything.

My FMIL isn't offering anything. I believe she is going to cover the rehearsal dinner, but I'm not entirely sure of that. She's still mad we are spending money and not just using it for a downpayment on a bigger place (My FH and I own a 3 bedroom condo.... we have no pets or kids and no need for a bigger place). She just wants us to elope and have kids immediately, so I don't think she'd offer anything to encourage the wedding.

Yes. Both our families contributed. No matter who offers to pay you plan the wedding you can afford. If they offer you can graciously accept but they are under no obligation to pay for your optional party. Your parents also didn’t have to pay but they chose to so I don’t think you need to feel bad for them. Thank your inlaws for hosting the rehearsal dinner. That was nice of them.

Any contributions are voluntary, but if they were offered at some point it would be okay for your FH to follow up with them to see if they are still willing and able to help. My in laws are wonderful and contributed $5k to the wedding and they are hosting the rehearsal dinner.

We haven't asked for any help with funding for the wedding because we know neither of our parents have a lot of money, we dont either. But we were just going to pay for the whole wedding on our own.
I'm the bride and my parents right away said they would help, they haven't given me a number yet but I know they will at the end when we know what we need. His parents however, havent said anything more about the wedding than congratulations. We have a good relationship, they love me and I love them and I don't expect them to pay for anything though.
For my FHs brothers wedding they didn't pay for anything either. Actually they were supposed to buy like 60 dollars worth of pizza for the rehearsal and threw a fit about it and refused at the last minute. Were not even going to ask and avoid the little fight altogether.