Are We Wrong

So my fiancé originally wanted his friend X to be his best man. When X got married, his wife said that they were having a small family only ceremony in the boat and then everyone the next day. When the photos went on social media I saw how hurt my fiancé was when he saw two friends there. He wasn’t mad, just kind of cut down. So I feel you on feeling your husbands sadness. My fiancé rolls with most things so when he’s said it’s deep.


The order I don’t think is for best to least. I think it’s more likely a height thing. People are crazy about heights.

In life people have different relationships and while this other guy may be your husband's closest male companion, that doesn't mean your husband is the same for him. There are also so many strategic reasons people choose other people to be involved in weddings - family dynamics, proximity, cost, etc. Just because this guy didn't choose your hubby as his best man is no reason to get upset or risk tainting their friendship with grudges and bad vibes.

Frankly, let your husband deal with it and show support to him, but don't play into the whole "he should have picked you because you picked him" drama. That's just not fair to anyone and isn't going to solve anything.

One of our groomsmen had an 11 person groomsmen party for his wedding and my FH was not included. We are pretty sure it was because we had another wedding the same weekend as the bachelor party so my FH did not attend the bachelor party (the party was a destination bachelor party and the wedding was in our home state on the same weekend, so it was not possible to attend both). My FH picked only 4 groomsmen and this guy is one of them. He didn't go "well so and so didn't include me so I'm not going to include him." Neither of them took who the other picked personally and no grudges are held, and they're still good friends. Just chin up, be there to support your husband, and he should be there to support his friend.

View Quoted Comment He will be there to support his friend. He's just hurt right now. They had always told each other they would be each other's best man so it is a shock to him that he's not. His best friend even said in his speech that my husband is like a brother to him so we are very surprised by his decision.

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I can understand being upset especially if his friend told them he would be his best man (especially if recently, not like something they said as high school buddies a decade ago). But relationships change over time, and without getting into his friends head there is no way of knowing why the decision was made. There could be a lot of family pressure, distance/convenience/finances might be a factor, or maybe something else at play. I too would be hurt if my best friend was getting married and then suddenly picked someone else as their MOH if we had been talking about it for forever, but unless you plan to confront this guy about it (which I wouldn't recommend) you just need to be supportive and happy for him and roll with it!

View Quoted Comment It was definitely something they discussed recently which is why it came as such a shock. The guy he picked isn't family. In fact, only one of the best friends brothers is in the wedding. The one that is in the wedding is just a groomsman.

Damn. Basically your wedding party is just that yours. Your husband had no guarantee when this guy gets hitched he'd have to be his best man. I think your husband picked him because of how he felt about him. That hasn't changed. Don't go to your husband making it a big deal about his relationship with his friend it will upset him but more likely he'll be upset cause you're upset. Just because he's listed last means nothing. Tough but I think if you be easy your husband will be easy.

View Quoted Comment We looked at the website together after I initially looked at it and my husband was stunned. I could tell just by looking at him that he was hurt and disappointed. We understand that it is his friend's bridal party and he can pick whoever he wants, but it was just a surprise especially when we got married last year and his friend made it seem like my husband would be the best man in his wedding this year. My husband was torn between picking his brother and friend, but ultimately decided to pick his friend. My husband's decision may have been different had him and the friend not always promissed they would be each other's best man.

View Quoted Comment Surprise I understand. But really don't take it to heart.

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I realize you posted here to vent (which is totally fine) but you are so invested in this topic that it is going to end up being a bigger deal than it needs to be. You did ask for opinions ("are we wrong?"), so for the sake of yours and your husband's long term relationship with this guy, try to take all of the advice here to heart (everyone is consistently saying that weddings aren't "tit for tat", lineups are not always based on "importance of friendship", people are allowed to choose their wedding parties for a variety of reasons, etc.) and move past this.

View Quoted Comment I am just trying to support my husband. He was upset when he found out which I think is unstandable. I am in no way encouraging him to be angry with his friend or want to cause a fight. He is the one that said he was upset. My reaction was to hug him. It is ultimately his decision on how he handles the matter, but I will be there to support him. If he chooses to discuss this with his friend that is his decision.

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Agreed! It is what it is. Your husband is allowed to be upset, but this shouldn't be something that ruins a friendship, and if you or your husband can't move past this, it's going to taint your relationship with this person and no one wins.