Anyone else skip the bridesmaid proposal thing?

I just texted all my girls except my cousin. She’s 14 and I figured she’d like a whole proposal thing since she’s young. I just sent her one of those balloons you have to pop with the “will you be my bridesmaid” paper inside. She loved it.

My friends and my sister would have thought it was weird and unnecessary.

I literally just messaged my girls over Facebook. They were all super excited! My circle is very laid back and low key, they were PUMPED that I had even gotten them bridesmaids robes. It's not worth the effort or money.

Bridesmaid proposals and gifts are a very recent fad. Not in any way traditional. I hate them, and will be glad when people stop doing them. I have been in a huge number of weddings over 24 years ( I'm 38), and until the last decade no one did it. Then a couple. Now about half. There is nothing worse than a surprise build up and a bunch of presents. And worst is when it is done in front of others. You feel pressured to say yes. When you shouldn't go through that. You are put on the spot, by a bride so naive or else full of herself, that it never occurred to her you might have to check on the three people in your family and 2or 5 in SO family who are engaged, because if family sets that date they come first. Plus your own or your children's graduations , other events planned months or years in advance. Or work constraints. Without being told the time commitment, or cost. Or sometimes even the date or month. Even if you do want to do it, often you can't. Or cannot afford it. But you don't know if it is a surprise. And then, the times when you do not want to do it at all. With a bunch of gifts in front of you, and other people present, it is hard to say, uh Julie, I never even liked you, I am always friendly and polite in a group, or at school, or at work, or at parties, to everyone. But always in public. Every notice we have not spoken personally for 3 years? . . . To me it is a clueless bride thing. TV fantasy. Lots of things should not come as surprises, or with presents in advance of doing something ( otherwise known as a bride.) . . . I have a lot more positive regard for a bride who shows you the courtesy of talking with you privately, in person, phone, by letter ( long email okay) . Letting you know what she has in mind. When , where, duration.
With researched cost of transportation and lodgings. And estimate of dress costs discussed. Bm says max she can spend on a dress. Then the prospective BM can check her calendar, family and SO previous commitments or possible conflicts. Check own it a joint budget. And their own plans, as they may plan a wedding you don't know about yet for themselves, with a short engagement. Brides who show enough respect to give information enough so one can make an informed decision, are far better than those who surprise you with gifts and pressure. Since proposals started, and brides are asking wedding parties far earlier than the traditional 9 months, the number if issues I am personally aware of between brides and Bo has skyrocketed. Read on here. Bride complains, If she couldn't afford the dress, and getting there, and a room, why did she accept? Well, you fool, you did not tell her before you asked. Bridesmaids drop out all the time now. Upset they assumed, one 24 hour period the wedding, and a few 3-4 hour wedding parties. And bride wants a week, or 3 day parties, or just expects wedding party people will want to spend $200-1000 per BM to treat the bride to parties, like a job requirement. . . . Don't worry about how you look not doing a proposal, with gifts. Count yourself as someone with enough respect and courtesy to approach each individual you care so much about. No pressure of gifts already given. No surprise costs, time committments. . . . Also, I have been to a few surprise proposals where the bride gathered her choices in a restaurant or public, not telling them why. And 3 or 5 of us, out of 5 each time, said, sorry, I cannot do it. . . . How humiliating for the bride. I cannot wait for this proposal fad to disappear. It was popular for a while when my mom was in college and early 20's after someone did it in a movie, but as she says, mercifully stopped. Too many people said yes under pressure, then either dropped out, or had endless fights with brides over different expectations, which should have been settled before making any committments in either side.

I'm with the PP, I didn't even it was such a thing. My sisters are my bridesmaids, all age 9 to 15. When I got engaged they all said they would be so I just said okay lol

I also asked my bridesmaids pretty much either over the phone/via text or simple question in person. It wasn't until a few weeks after, I gave them each something super small that I handmade costing me a total of $5 lol. My FH isn't doing anything for his groomsmen. He's just asking them.

We plan on doing other things throughout the process to honor them all. A few months before the wedding we're going to have a get together with the whole wedding party so that everyone can kinda get to know eachother... see whose walking with who etc.

I'll probably do some things like buying my bridesmaids all dinner when we're staying up late planning orrrr, whatever you know. I also thought about having a get together just us, to have fun and drink mimosas and not actually 'plan' anything.

Just some ideas!

I did not do a bridesmaid proposal. I did the same as you and asked them either in person or via telephone. I did, however buy each of my bridesmaids a small thank you gift, but that was more of a impulse buy. I saw these little bracelets online, etsy I think, and they were just a simple gold colored band bracelet with a paper in it that said thank you for helping us tie the knot.

I am not doing this just because I feel it is unnecessary. They know how much I love them (they are my blood sister and a longtime childhood friend). The gift thing to me feels cheesy, like a bribe almost-but that is not a dig on people who DO do it! They would stand with me regardless but it's for sure not my style. They know this and it doesn't matter either way. PLUS! It saves me money

Yeah I just asked my people. A couple girls I took to lunch or dinner so I could ask them privately. I am paying for their hair and makeup as well as getting them a lovely thank you gift at the rehearsal dinner. Honestly I think that's more than appropriate. (and gift giving is my love language! LOL)

I did them, but looking back I wish I wouldn't have. They are just so extra and unnecessary, but all of my BMs loved them so it worked out.

I did it. I sent them a card, not a person or phone.

This is a new thing to me?

I skipped it. I just asked them

Please don’t feel bad.... the proposal boxes are completely unnecessary. Imitation is the reason I see most brides all stressed out. They’re trying to add every element they’ve seen into their wedding. And then all these weddings look like cookie-cutter, cloned reproductions.

I think it all depends. I know how expensive it is to be a bridesmaid, so I felt more comfortable spending some money to take each one out to dinner and "propose" to them. I found some really cute curated bridesmaid proposal boxes on Foxblossom. They're not necessarily inexpensive, but again, I wanted my bridesmaids to know how much I appreciated the commitment they were making.

That being said, I don't really think it's 100% necessary. Maybe you could just take them out for dinner or drinks and then ask them in person? Asking via text seems really impersonal to me, especially considering you're asking them to commit to being involved in one of the most sacred and exciting events of your entire life.

I know it's not the same, but for my attendants (2 men, 1 woman) I'm just going out for drinks with them and asking. Gifts I'm saving for rehearsal dinner.

I didn’t do the proposal thing. I got necklaces for all the girls to wear the day of, but not really any gifts other than that. My aunt got all her bridesmaids lockets but same thing, no proposal.

I didn't, but I did ask in person. They will be receiving gifts on the day of the wedding with personal letters to each of them. I had a fear that if they had to say no, due to work or financial issues that a proposal box would then turn out awkward.

I asked them in person with no gifts. They did not mind at all and were very excited! Bridesmaids proposals are not a necessity in my opinion.