Emily
Dedicated August 2020

Anyone else going forward with their summer weddings and feeling “judged” for it?

Emily, on June 21, 2020 at 12:23 PM Posted in Community Conversations 8 67
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My husband and I had to push our wedding reception (160ish people) to August 23rd, 2020 from our original date of 4/19/2020. We got married on the 19th anyway - but as of now we’re planning on going ahead with our August wedding. We’re in Maryland and things here are still looking good COVID wise. A lot of people said they’re planning on coming still but I can’t help but feel like people are judging me and really don’t want to come. All of my coworkers talk about the world like there will be no in person events anywhere until 2022. The idea of postponing again will break my heart. I just want my wedding to be overwith now, its not enjoyable anymore. I think personally it’ll be fine and People are OF COURSE welcome to wear masks, I don’t care about them being in masks in photos, but I just can’t tell but feel like people think it’s “irresponsible” of us to have a wedding then. I already feel awful that My aunt whom has MS wONT be coming, but my mother says you can’t not have a wedding for ONE person. I just feel at such a loss. I want my special day but I don’t want to feel guilty about it.

67 Comments

Latest activity by Helene, on July 10, 2020 at 11:35 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    People are allowed to have their own personal feelings when it comes to events in the middle of a pandemic. If they think it's irresponsible or unsafe, that's okay. They're allowed to. What matters is how you feel about your decision. Do you feel like it's safe and responsible? No one can make you feel guilty unless you let them.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it makes sense that people are feeling a certain way about any kind of personal event esp a large one but I also think it makes sense that you feel some sort of way too of hosting it. But again, just know whomever is comfortable with it will be there and who isn’t, won’t be there.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2020
    Emily ·
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    Yeah, of course they’re allowed to! I just mean nobody has expressed to me that they think it’s a bad idea, I just feel personally like they don’t think I should - and that’s okay, I just hope they’d be honest about it. I can’t figure out how to word what I’m feeling. I guess just that people are skeptical that I’d have it, but again, nobody has told me they aren’t going to come.
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I think I get what you're saying. I honestly am feeling irresponsible and guilty for wanting to push forward, so I get the sentiment you may be picking up on.
    This is a unique and challenging situation. In the past, maybe you have a friend who you think is "way overspending" on their wedding. You think they're going into debt and it's irresponsible - that would be a "hey it's their life/ their $" thing.

    With this, I think it's very different. An infectious disease that's spread through respiration at close contact is a pretty valid worry when considering a large gathering. I wasn't sure if your coworkers were invited or not, but I've taken the tactic from the beginning to not discuss my wedding with anyone unless I'm on WW or I'm literally asking their opinion. Even now when coworkers ask on the plans, I just say "yes, we've got a lot to figure out right now" or something vague just to get through it.What has helped me (grain of salt here) is talking to my most informed and skeptical friends in really frank terms. Telling them about the precautions we're taking, what factors would mean we'd postpone, and asking them about what would make them feel we were considering their safety best. Having tactical solutions to implement helped me feel more in control, and like I was giving guests a chance to make an informed decision vs "if you don't feel comfortable, don't come". Context: I'm in NoVA, wedding set for September - originally 150 max cut to 100 max, indoor.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry you feel this way but honestly when it comes to your wedding unless you are being rude to people or not counting their safety who cares what they think. If you two want to go forth with your wedding who cares if people judge. If they do not want to go that is fine. We have to learn to deal with this disease and I do not think you need to stop your life because it is out there. It sounds like you are willing to understand guests wanting to not attend or wear a mask and that is good because there are brides that will tell their guests to not where a mask and stay home if they don't feel safe. I am sure people close to us judge how we are getting married and we do not care because the day is about us. Keep going forth. You won't be the only bride having a summer wedding Smiley smile.

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  • Sarah
    Expert August 2020
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I am in Maryland too and going forward without postponed date of 8/2!
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    Where are you in MD? We're close to DC, and I probably wouldn't go to a large event here right now. But that's just me, and I wouldn't judge you for having it. I wouldn't worry about what people say - they can have their opinions, but you don't have to listen! I hope your wedding goes perfectly!

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Do I personally think it's irresponsible to have a wedding with 160 people in August? Yes. If you were my friend/relative, would I judge you for it? Maybe a little. I simply wouldn't attend your wedding, but I'd understand where you're coming from and how tough this is for you, send a gift, and move on. You are certainly not the only bride moving forward with a wedding during this pandemic. I'm not saying it's the right or wrong thing to do, but only you can make that decision. Any bride moving forward with a large wedding this summer will undoubtedly be judged by some friends and relatives--that's just something that comes with the territory when deciding to move forward with your wedding in the middle of a pandemic. To echo what Caytlyn said, what matters is how YOU feel. If you feel that it's safe and responsible to move forward with your summer wedding, then you have no reason to feel guilty.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    K K ·
    • Flag
    You are not alone ❤️


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  • Queen Cone
    Devoted September 2020
    Queen Cone ·
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    I cant saying im being judged per say but i feel like every one has postponed, especially talking on this forum. all my vendors have told me im their only fall wedding and even 2021 weddings have been postponed. things are also good here in ny and weddings will be allowed in about 2 weeks. this week indoor dining is opening. people have no problem going out to eat so what makes a wedding different. yes, there are other elements involved like the ceremony and dancing but those can easily be socially distanced. i will not take judgment from anyone. not postponing no matter what
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  • Deidre
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Deidre ·
    • Flag
    I understand! I too feel judged for going ahead with our wedding. We postponed from May to August 1 and still have people who "don't know" because of covid. I honestly don't care anymore. I have found 0 enjoyment in spending this much on a wedding only to have it canceled, rescheduled, postponed, redone and people still not come. At this point, I just want to be married and get it over with. Being married to my best friend is all I care about at this point.
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    Well said!

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    LOL Yas great minds think alike Smiley laugh

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  • S
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Shay ·
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    I understand as well and feel very much in the same boat. We're getting married in Ohio on July 12 and have decided to go foreward as planned. Our guest list was originally 150 but because of the number that can't come we're expecting our final number to be about 90. Ohio allows for weddings up to 300 people as long as the venue has the space for social distancing. Since 90 guests is less than 1/3 of the venue's capacity, there will be plenty of room for people to spread out. The real stinger is that most of our guests are traveling from other states and will be staying in hotels. We've talked a lot with our venue, vendors, and immediate families, all of whom said they were comfortable and supportive of us continuing. On top of that, our venue is taking lots of precautions to keep people safe and my mom is making masks for us to give out as a wedding favor. Still... I feel some of our guests have been really passive aggressive and trying to get us to postpone. I wish they would straight up tell me they didn't want to come instead of consistently hitting me up with facts and rumors about covid.
    Just wanted to say, I totally get it. You're not alone in continuing and you're not alone in feeling judged and harassed. Sending good thoughts for everyone's special day!
    • Reply
  • Aimee
    Super July 2021
    Aimee ·
    • Flag
    I won’t feel guilty because everyone has a right to think about their own health. The factor i would be concerned about would be the room capacity and how many people would be able to attend
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  • K
    Savvy October 2020
    Karen ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Totally agree.Smiley smile

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  • Amanda
    Dedicated June 2021
    Amanda ·
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    I totally agree! I have already postponed my June wedding, and now mines in August. Everyone keeps looking at me like I’m crazy whenever I say we’re pushing forward with August. We have already waited 2.5 years to be married and I am at the point where if someone doesn’t feel comfortable attending than so be it. Your right the whole process is unenjoyable at this point. Good luck to you and wish you the best.
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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    We were supposed to get married on April 4th and that got cancelled. Me and my fiance have been going back and forth about when to restart the wedding plans. We're bouncing between January and February of 2021. It would be a totally different vibe (most likely Cake and punch reception with lots of appetizers, 2 PM ceremony, etc) with only champagne or wine. I'm almost certain that some guests will not even feel safe to go to our wedding in January. But, we need to move forward in our lives. We've been engaged for the longest time and spent SO MUCH TIME planning our April 4th wedding, then the rug was pulled from under us. At this point, we just want to get married without losing more money as we've already had. If some guests don't want to come to our wedding, we will understand, but we must move forward.

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  • Sara
    Expert August 2021
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    Feeling the exact same way. We were back and forth with postponing and after talking with our venue saturday they gave us the go ahead and said it was all fine. Well my fiance found out his best man will not come because he doesn't feel safe and he spent 2 hours on our drive home reading articles that all say big weddings are bad. So now two months away we are back to square one of deciding to go for it or not. Also my fiance and apparently his best man are the only two people not wanting it to happen.
    • Reply
  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I’m starting to feel a bit judged by one particular friend in regards to my October wedding. I’m really just still planning as though things will be fairly restriction free then. I mean, as I get closer, I may reevaluate. But the friend was asking if I’ll require masks, or I could have sanitizer as a guest favor, what am I doing about the dance floor? I know he’s really just being curious, and I know where he lives the cases are more serious, but it hasn’t really affected where I’m at other than shutting things down and can’t find particular items in the stores.

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