Eamsee
Super June 2019

Any other physically disabled brides/grooms here?

Eamsee, on August 19, 2018 at 4:25 AM Posted in Fitness and Health 0 34
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Hi all! Just curious to see if there are any other brides/grooms here with a physical disability and/or mental illness. How has your condition(s) influenced elements of your wedding? From the dress, to venue, to footwear, to altering the church ceremony (no kneeling), to the hotel, etc. I have been planning around the "what ifs". Even though our wedding isn't until June, I'm super anxious that I will have a flare up that day and DREADING being the center of attention. I am trying to focus on the positive instead of worrying about something that for the most part is out of my control. Any advice to others going through the same thing or advice to loved ones of the disabled person?

34 Comments

Latest activity by Megan, on September 24, 2018 at 4:28 PM
  • Teresa
    Super September 2018
    Teresa ·
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    Hello! My FH has End Stage Renal Disease (ESRD). This means he has liquid restrictions and dialysis 3 times per week. We planned the wedding on a Saturday to accomodate an off night for him and we also have the venue providing Dt. Mountain Dew since he is allowed that soda.

    The most planning around his condition came with the honeymoon. We couldn't takr a basic cruise and dialysis cruises were not the times we liked. We didnt want to go out of the country do to health codes and standards. So we decided on FL, then we had to find a place near a dialysis center. We finally decided on Panama City Beach FL and can't wait to get down there.

    It sucks that FH can drink on his wedding night or just "over indulge" because it has impacts more than just the healthy person, but he seems to be taking it in stride.

    Good luck with your planning and I'm sure you will find ways to accomdate for the day.
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  • Rebekah
    Devoted June 2019
    Rebekah ·
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    Hi! I’ve got serious back problems that I’ve been dealing with for the last few years. I just had surgery this summer so I saved a good chunck of planning to do while I was laid up in bed recovering. lol I got a lot done online. I also Skyped a photographer instead of meeting in person. Praying my back is much better in time for the wedding but if not I won’t be wearing heels :/ other than that I think I’m going about things fairly normally. Good luck!
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  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
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    I use a walker mod days and a wheelchair others. I was in PT to help, so I could walk down the aisle without my walker, with my dad helping me. I'm wearing the Kate Spade Glitter Sneakers or sandals. I can't not wear heels at all. I also have to run IV fluids the morning of through my port, which will give me boost and keep my blood pressure stable. We're putting chairs the the front for us to sit down. We don't want to risk my possibly falling down during the ceremony.


    I'm worried i'll fly into a fiber flare or my POTS will act up, all I can do is plan for it and hope for the best. I absolutely refuse to let my health interfere on my magical day when I marry my best friend.

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  • 5/18/19Mrs.h
    Dedicated May 2019
    5/18/19Mrs.h ·
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    Hi! I wear an orthotic on my right foot and the biggest issue with wedding planning has been footwear, although that’s also an everyday problem. I have a very hard time finding shoes that fit with my brace and converse seem to fit the best. I’ve decided I’m going to do custom converse for my wedding and my MOH is going to get matching ones! The only other concern I have is the pain I get if I’m on my feet all day but it’s a bridge I’m going to cross when I get there. Good luck with your wedding planning!
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  • S
    Devoted September 2018
    Sarah ·
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    I love that this post acknowledges the humanity in us all!

    I and several of my loved ones have a disability. We are including a video with captions for our first dance, and looking into adding a ramp to our venue. Accessibility is very important to me, because the people I love are the people I love, disability or no, of course.
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  • T
    Devoted October 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    I have a lot of anxiety and it likes to mess with my IBS-D. Im really worried about it flareing up durring the ceremony, which makes the chances of it happening higher. Excitment causes flare ups too. I have pills that help with the muscle contacting pain and I will be taking imodium(sp?) The day of so Im not half way down the aisle and have to turn around and sprint to the bathroom. Lol everyone would think I changed my mind. It was really bad for my high school and college graduation. I was so focused on doing breathing excercices to keep me calm and calm my IBS, I missed out on really experiencing the event. I dont want that for my wedding day. Im have a What if book for my DOC that has back up plan A-Z28 just so I feel like I know things will be handled nonmater what pops up. That also helps keep my anxziety down. Even of they dont use it or what ever problem doesnt happen, it calms me knowimg I have a plan for it.
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  • Gonnabeaburch
    Super July 2019
    Gonnabeaburch ·
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    I have several conditions that I'm having to work around as well as my daughter who has high functioning Autism and needs special accommodations. I'm hard of hearing (deaf in my left and low tone loss in my right) making it hard and stressful for me in loud places. Only thing I can do for that is keep the background music a little lower outside of big dances, which is also good for my daughter who is sensitive to sounds. I have menieres disease which is what is causing my hearing loss (and I pray I don't loose it all before the wedding or have a tinnitus flare up which renders me temporarily deaf) the only thing I can do for that is stick to my low salt diet, drink lots of water, and have a safe place I can go if I start to feel like a spin attack is coming on. I want to wear heels, but I'll be wearing thick small heel boots since my balance is bad and I am a falling risk. I have a seizure disorder which is controlled with medication, so I'm not too worried about that, just hope that the stress doesn't cause me problems. I also have PTSD that is strongly linked to alcohol and drunk people. This one is going to be tough for me because I felt a dry wedding would be unpleasant for our guests. We are limiting it to beer, wine, and champagne and I will have that space should I start to feel anxious or have a panic attack. For my daughter, we are also providing her with access to that "safe space" if she feels overwhelmed. I'm also considering having one of her therapists attend to be an additional comfort person that can "defuse" her when she is overstimulated or stressed out. All in all gatherings aren't my favorite and you can see why. I just plan to focusing on staying calm and relaxed since stress is a big trigger for all of my issues, and thank my lucky stars that FH loves me and wants to be my husband even with everything thats going on with me.
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  • Nicole
    Super November 2019
    Nicole ·
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    I love converse and I'll also be wearing them on my wedding day!
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  • Nicole
    Super November 2019
    Nicole ·
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    I broke my leg this past winter so I've done away with the heels I was planning on wearing and decided to go with custome converse. As I've already posted I live converse so it wasnt a hard switch although now the dress needs to be hemmed.
    I also have severe clinical depression which makes it hard to get out of bed most days let alone want to be around a bunch of people. I have been focusing on the positives although of course its hard to do most days and I have on more than one occasion said I didnt even want a wedding. I was really looking forward to my grandpa being there and he wont be now and making it worse I'll be getting married only a week after the 2 year anniversary of his death.
    Life is tough sometimes but we have to have faith that our loved one will be there for us and to help us when we need it. Good luck to all you wonderful people.
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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    I'm sorry to hear of the struggle that your fiancé is going through. I never even knew that there was such a thing as a dialysis cruise. It's unfortunate that there wasn't a good cruise that matched what you were looking for, but I think it is pretty awesome that such a thing exists. We tend to focus on our own little bubble and take for granted a lot of "simple" things that to someone else is a genuine struggle. I wish you both health, joy, and the best of luck in your upcoming marriage!

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    That was good thinking to save the planning that could be done from home for your recovery time. I had a major surgery in March 2017 where I was in bed for a month after. I wasn't engaged at the time, but I ordered every season of my 2 favorite TV shows and I binge watched. It helped to distract from the pain, as I am sure your planning did too. I won't be wearing heels either. We are very outdoorsy people to begin with, but one major reason we went with a barn reception is so I could wear cowboy boots. Heels are definitely out and I can't reliably wear ballet flats. my feet swell sometimes and I don't have full feeling in my feet. So I am constantly smashing my toes and cutting my feet and I won't even feel it until I notice the blood. So I figured boots would be my best bet. I found a pair that go great with my lace gown and look more dressy than typical cowboy boots. Not sure if those would match your style, but it could be a good option if you need it. I have seen ladies wear converse sneakers as well. You could perhaps do one shoe for the ceremony and just have something as a back up in case during the reception you need to switch it up. Best of luck to you and I hope the surgery was a full success!


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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    I absolutely love your attitude! I was against the traditional wedding at first due to my health related issues and my insecurities that stem from them. My fiancé really wanted the traditional wedding, as well as both of our families. We put a lot of thought into how the ceremony and reception would go and are trying to plan for the worst, so if things go for the best, then great, if not, then we aren't left high and dry. I can't wear heels either and am wearing cowboy boots and we chose a barn reception specifically for that reason. I don't have full feeling from the chest down and my feet are always taking the abuse from that. I stubbed my toes one time and didn't feel the pain part. It turned out I hit my foot so hard that I broke my big toe nail off down to the bottom and it was a bloody mess. I figures boots were the best option for a day where I will be doing a lot of movement.

    We are getting married on a Saturday, 1 1/2 hours away from our home. I am checking into the hotel with my maid of honor that Thursday prior so I can recuperate from the drive. I plan on soaking in the Jacuzzi and booking a massage to put me in the best place possible. The barn we chose has a bridal suite hidden in the back with couches and chaise lounges. That was a big reason that we booked that venue. If I need to lie down I can disappear for a bit and take medications or adjust my SCS (spinal cord stimulator) if I need. I am bringing my wheelchair just in case, but I am hoping to not have to use it. The vendors that I have told have been very kind and accommodating. I walk with a heavy limp and my whole body tremors, especially when getting up and down. I absolutely hate when people "pity" me and give me that look. I am sure you know what look I am referring to. That "Aw, you poor thing" look and that's part of the reason I hate situations where I am the center of attention.

    That's a great idea about having the chairs at the ceremony. I collapse from time to time as well and without warning most of the time. I'm definitely going to bring the chair idea up to the pastor. Has the PT been helping? I did PT in the pool and it did help. It was much easier on my body than conventional PT. It sounds like you really are crossing all your "t's" and dotting all your "i's". I hope the IV gives you the needed boost and that everything goes well beyond expectations. Best of luck to you with your health and wishing you and your fiancé every happiness in the world!

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    I love that idea and that your MOH is getting matching ones! That's awesome! I am not sure if this is an option for you, but maybe have a massage booked for the following day or the day after? I'm glad that you found a great option that will work with your orthotic. I hope that everything goes smoothly and that you have a pain free wedding day!

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    Thank you! It's something that more people experience than the general public realizes.

    That's a great idea to have the video with captions and adding the ramp. We with disabilities don't want special treatment or to be treated differently. In fact I would dare to say it is the opposite. We want to be treated the same as everyone else and be able to be included and enjoy special events the same as anyone else. I love how you aren't just making changes to adjust your own disability alone, but are doing things to make sure that every loved one attending can have the same wonderful experience.

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    Yeah, anxiety and IBS-D are not an easy combination to treat or try and prepare in advance for. It's like a domino effect with that. They feed into one another and it can be very difficult to control. My fiancé has IBS-D and I see how awful it is for him. When he knows he is going to be in a situation where he can't easily access a restroom he will take the imodium before hand and then again a couple of hours into the event. So hopefully with the meds you have and taking the Imodium it will stop an attack.

    Hahahaha!!!! I just got the visual of a bride walking halfway down the aisle and then stopping to a dead halt with "NOPE" written across her face while turning back and running. That would definitely be a wedding no one would forget.

    I'm sorry to hear about your graduation. It's a shame when our conditions take control of our lives. Sometimes though, no matter what we do, it's unavoidable. It seems like you really are doing everything you can to make sure that you have the best outcome possible. We are getting married on a Saturday, but myself and my MOH are checking into the hotel on Thursday. I booked the suite with a Jacuzzi and I am booking a massage. Stress and anxiety cause my conditions to flare as well so I am trying to make sure I am as relaxed as possible for the day of. Maybe doing something similar to help de-stress might help you?

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    Even though our conditions are different and I do not have children, I feel you are a kindred spirit. I think that having one of her therapists there with her is a great idea. As the bride, you are going to be pulled this way and that throughout the course of the entire wedding. It may be difficult to give her the attention that she needs, especially in a situation that may be triggering to her. The "safe space" is fantastic too. I also have a "safe space" at our reception venue, which is one of the main reasons we booked it. It's a 19th century barn and at the end of a hall there is a bridal suite that has couches and chaise lounges. It's tucked away, so it won't be overly noticeable should I need to use it and disappear. Just knowing that I have that available relaxes me a bit. I am wearing cowboy boots and I think for brides like us, boots are the safest and most practical choice. I do not have a hearing disability, but I think by you having the music a bit lower is a great idea to help make the event as smooth as possible for not only yourself, but your daughter as well. I also have PTSD and I know very well how the worrying about possible triggers being present then makes the anxiety shoot up and therefore even more likely to be triggered into a flash back or panic attack that we can't stop until it passes on its own. My fiancé was a groomsman in this wedding a couple of years back. I didn't know many people there and I was already a 7 on the anxiety scale. People coming up from behind can trigger me and it happened a few times, though I was able to keep it under control. It then started to make my physical conditions start to flare and my limp became much more pronounced. So more people who I didn't know started to come up to me to ask what was wrong. I lost it. Full blown panic attack complete with flashbacks. I was so embarrassed and felt humiliated. It was absolutely awful. As soon as my fiancé saw he got me out of there and pushed people away. I am very lucky to have a partner who not only understands the conditions, but understands what needs to be done. I too feel extremely lucky to have a man in my life who knows that sometimes silence is the best conversation and who loves me with every flaw I have. It sounds like you have thought of a lot and are preparing for every possible event. That's the best we can do sometimes. Plan for the worst and hope for the best.

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  • N
    Savvy August 2018
    Nicole ·
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    I love this post. I also have a few health issues including POTS, chiari malformation, some GI issues, and depression. We just got married last weekend at our house. Things went fairly smoothly. I just took frequent breaks and tried to stay hydrated. My husband, mom, and bridesmaids were so sweet making sure I was ok. It was warm the day of and at one point I got very dizzy and boarderline blacked out during photos. Our photographer ran to get me a couple glasses of water and after a few minutes we were good to go. Everyone there loves you and wants to support you, so just let them know what you need. Happy planning!
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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    Having a physical condition is hard enough, but when you add in a mental illness, it really becomes a lovely cocktail of anxiety. It seems like if I am having a good day physically, then my PTSD acts up and vice versa. I completely get that feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, to just let the sheets and mattress swallow me down into oblivion. It's much easier said that done to focus on the positive and the ironic thing is that we know this. It's like one half of our brain is saying "You don't deserve this wedding; just lay here because you're worthless; it's pointless to think we could ever have anything beautiful and wonderful; etc." and at the same time the healthy half of our brain is saying "Come on now, you know you have friends, family, and an amazing fiancé who love you dearly; it's ok to feel down, but you have to push yourself to get going and accomplish the deeds of the day you know you'll feel better after you've gotten the day done rather than if you laid here all day; Look at how (fiancé) looks at you, that is your best friend, your life partner, and you both deserve this beautiful celebration of you joining your two lives together into one". "Exhausting" doesn't even begin to describe it.

    I don't know what your beliefs are, but I truly believe that our loved ones who have passed on will always be with us. Of course, it doesn't make you miss your grandpa any less or make his absence any easier, but I honestly believe he will be there and be filled with joy watching his little girl become a wife.

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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    I don't have chiari malformation, but I do have syringomyelia with a syrinx from t-7 to t-12. Chiari and SM are brutal and so misunderstood by not only friends and family, but by the medical community as well. I am lucky that I have a neurosurgeon and pain management physician that are wonderful. Congratulations on your recent marriage! I am glad that things went as smooth as possible! Having a great support system is key and a true blessing. Thank you for your kind words!

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  • Gonnabeaburch
    Super July 2019
    Gonnabeaburch ·
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    Plan for the worst and hope for the best is the way I live my life. Thank you for sharing. It's sometimes strangely comforting to know that I am not alone, even if we don't actually know each other. I think being prepared reduces a certain level of stress that tends to linger. Perhaps the feeling of control in a situation where you know you may have none is in a way relaxing. Reguardless, I wish you the best on your big day! It's such a special day, and no matter how it plays out, it's going to be one of the most amazing days of your life!
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