JuleeM
Expert September 2015

Any other over 40 brides?

JuleeM, on July 21, 2015 at 1:40 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 35

Hi. I'm mailing my first batch of invites today and I'm starting to freak out big time because now there is no turning back (not that I would...but it's all the more real). I'm 42 and this my first marriage. My FH is 46 and this is his second. Originally I started out planning something more on the...

Hi. I'm mailing my first batch of invites today and I'm starting to freak out big time because now there is no turning back (not that I would...but it's all the more real). I'm 42 and this my first marriage. My FH is 46 and this is his second.

Originally I started out planning something more on the causal/non-traditional side but I got caught up in wedding planning (thanks Wedding Wire :p) and we now have a pretty traditional wedding complete with a 10 person wedding party (5 for each of us) and a guest list of 115 (we started at 60 or 70).

I guess I'm just starting to get self-conscious and like maybe I'm being a little ridiculous planning such a traditional event being an older bride. For example I can't even bring myself to try on a veil because I just feel silly. It seems like most people on here are in their 20's or 30's, so I'm wondering if anyone else is closer to my age and struggling with the image of a traditional bride being so much younger.

35 Comments

  • nancy
    Dedicated September 2015
    nancy ·
    • Flag

    @JuleeM - I am 42 and will be 43 when I get married the day after you. My FH is 36 and it is the 1st marriage for us both - neither of us have kids. People (aka my immediate family) have been ridiculously unsupportive saying that I am shaming them by having a wedding as they feel we should elope. When I went dress shopping I felt ridiculous and even when I had my shower, it felt a little weird doing something I had witnessed all my friends doing 20 years ago. But here is how I feel about it now: Fuck that!!! I have waited my whole life for love and have finally found it. I am going to celebrate the SHIT out of my love and have no shame in that at all. I suggest you do the same and enjoy every moment because you deserve it. Not everyone is on the same timeline. Honor YOUR path and shine as brightly as you can!

    • Reply
  • Susan
    Master March 2015
    Susan ·
    • Flag

    I am 40 , and it was my first, and his 2nd wedding. I did the dress, veil and all the trimmings. I did not feel rediculous at all. I already had my mini hospital wedding with my father on his death bed in January (dress and all, complete with 3/4 bridesmaids in dresses and the FG too!) Nobody criticized us for doing that, ( they would have been told to F&*K off!) and I would do it again in a minute. I enjoyed the hell out of our day in March, and that is what we plan to celebrate. I cried through the entire hospital experience, Dad passed 4.5 days later. Do what you want and screw what others think.

    • Reply
  • MN Kate
    Super January 2016
    MN Kate ·
    • Flag

    I'm 40 my FH is 32. It's both our first marriage. We are having a full on wedding!!!! Bridal party of 10 and so far a guest list of 232! I originally wanted a small destination wedding but have really enjoyed planning this big wedding where we live and all our friends and family are all excited for us!!! We are definitely having the wedding of our dreams! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Imtheone4Him
    Master September 2015
    Imtheone4Him ·
    • Flag

    I'm 40 & FH is 50+ and im with Moonride on this we are working with what makes us feel comfortable. Some things are traditional we are planning, other things not so much. In the end we will be happy . Good Luck Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Lara~N~Love
    VIP September 2016
    Lara~N~Love ·
    • Flag

    I'm not over 40, but I don't think it's ridiculous at all to have a real dress, veil, bridal party, or whatever else you want. Do what makes you happy! You can't live your life to please other people, and this is a once in a lifetime experience. Enjoy it and congratulations! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • ourlovestory
    Expert January 2016
    ourlovestory ·
    • Flag

    I am 40 I'll be 41 at my wedding my fh is 23. My second marriage but first wedding. Its hard enough marrying someone so much younger without judgment let alone everything else. I am wearing a tiara and a veil with my ball gown

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy August 2015
    Martin/Forrest Wedding ·
    • Flag

    Ditto - My first wedding ( 2nd marriage first was Thursday afternoon at the JP, he has passed away and 10 years later I met someone (his 2nd) and here we are) I felt silly. I didn't want to go dress shopping thought I would be judge by my age.. or I would hear whispers or comments. But everyone has been amazing. We said a small wedding.. but ended up sending 169 invites, but we are a big family and besides to-date only 75 RSVP'ed and 25 regrets, and a bunch of no responses.

    I have 4 brides maids 1 flower girl (my future step-daughter) and FH has 4 groomsmen (3 of which are our boys).

    I was like you I wasn't going to have a veil but my dress arrived 2 weeks ago, I tried on a veil and a headband and that was it.. it was suddenly a wedding and I was the bride.

    I read a lot of articles on the "older bride" and every one of them said .. It is your day do it the way you want.

    If you want the big dress - Have it!

    If you want the veil - get it!

    If you want the big day - go for it!

    You are the Bride, who cares about your age, who said that a Wedding small or large was restricted to age? Enjoy the planning stage. Make it personal and memorable and good luck.

    • Reply
  • Karen
    Dedicated June 2015
    Karen ·
    • Flag

    I am 49 and he is 47 and we just got married a month ago. It was my first marriage and his second. I wore a veil and a traditional wedding dress and church wedding, wouldn't have done it any other way. We had a small wedding about 65 people, close friends and family. Do what makes you comfortable and don't worry about what others think, its your day.


    • Reply
  • Andrea
    VIP September 2015
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    Hi I'm 50 and will be 51 when we say I do. This is my first wedding. At first I thought I didn't deserve certain styles especially my dress. But everyone around me assured me that this was my first and even if it was my second I deserved the kind of wedding I have always dreamed of. Go for whatever you want. And yes I am wearing a veil with a blusher and all. Have your dream wedding even if it's your 5th it's the first wedding with your FH.

    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes December 2016
    KingQueen ·
    • Flag

    Greetings! I am 45 and will be 46 when I marry my FH who will be 52. It will be a second marriage for the both of us. We both experienced a large wedding the first time around and have decided that we will elope! LoL, yep, at 46 and 52, we will elope in Vegas baby! We are excited as we are doing what we want to do. I will wear a wedding dress (something sleek & less traditional) and a headband or side-comb over a veil. Not because I think I'd look silly. It's just my preference Smiley smile Do whatever you want to do beautiful lady!

    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes June 2016
    KarenV ·
    • Flag

    JuleeM, I found your post today because I am kind of feeling the same way. I am 41, and will be 42 on my wedding day. It is the first marriage for both of us. I thought I would keep things simple, no white dress, small, casual affair, etc. But I've purchased a white wedding dress (which I love!), and while we are trying to keep things as casual as possible, it's so easy to get caught with the "it's my wedding" mind-set. Anyway, I was looking over possible ceremony music today and started to feel a little silly thinking of "Here Comes the Bride" playing as I enter. All my friends got married in their 20s, and now I'm asking some of them to buy bridesmaid dresses at age 40. It feels a little ridiculous! After I read your post and the responses, I was wondering how your wedding day turned out for you. I hope you had a great day!! Did you go for the veil?

    • Reply
  • JuleeM
    Expert September 2015
    JuleeM ·
    • Flag

    Hi Karen. Our wedding turned out fabulous, other than the fact that it was so intense I didn't focus on what was going on enough to remember all the little details.

    I didn't have my bridesmaids buy "bridesmaids" dresses. I told them just to pick a fancy black dress that they could wear again. They are all in their 40's too and I just don't go for the matchy matchy look. I didn't go for the veil but honestly they are just not me and it didn't seem to fit the vibe we were going for.

    I meant to post a BAM but never got around to it. I'll post one when I get my pro pics back. Here are a few pics from the day though. I ended up feeling beautiful and the things that stressed me out prior to the wedding felt totally appropriate (particularly the introductions) as they were happening.

    So the moral of the story is everyone that posted on this thread was right. Do what you want and what makes you happy! I didn't feel weird the day of the wedding. It was all in my head.




    • Reply
  • JuleeM
    Expert September 2015
    JuleeM ·
    • Flag

    I forgot to add that we didn't do traditional music either. Music heavily influenced our wedding since that is how DH and I met. Our prelude consisted of rock songs we liked being played by a flute, cello, and violin (my sister/MOH is a classical flautist). Then the for the processional we used Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue, Can You Feel the Love Tonight (from my fav Disney Movie, Lion King), and Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis. Recessional was Sweet Child O Mine by Guns N Roses.




    • Reply
  • Huny
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Huny ·
    • Flag

    I am 47 and my sweetie is 44 and our second marriage and we are having a small wedding. I am wearing white traditional gown with a veil. Be happy its your rules and wedding and should not feel ridiculous. You are happy and want to have a big wedding good for you. Congratulations!

    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Dedicated October 2023
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    I'm 41. Chris is 45. We will be 42 and 46 when we get married. It is not a first wedding for either of us. We won't be doing much of anything traditionally...but that's not because of age or not being a first marriage. It's just because we aren't traditional people.

    • Reply

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