JuleeM
Expert September 2015

Any other over 40 brides?

JuleeM, on July 21, 2015 at 1:40 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 35
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Hi. I'm mailing my first batch of invites today and I'm starting to freak out big time because now there is no turning back (not that I would...but it's all the more real). I'm 42 and this my first marriage. My FH is 46 and this is his second.

Originally I started out planning something more on the causal/non-traditional side but I got caught up in wedding planning (thanks Wedding Wire :p) and we now have a pretty traditional wedding complete with a 10 person wedding party (5 for each of us) and a guest list of 115 (we started at 60 or 70).

I guess I'm just starting to get self-conscious and like maybe I'm being a little ridiculous planning such a traditional event being an older bride. For example I can't even bring myself to try on a veil because I just feel silly. It seems like most people on here are in their 20's or 30's, so I'm wondering if anyone else is closer to my age and struggling with the image of a traditional bride being so much younger.

35 Comments

Latest activity by Shannon, on October 1, 2021 at 4:53 PM
  • Elizabeth
    Super September 2014
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag

    I was 43 and my husband was 47, my first and his second marriage. Please don't feel ridiculous about planning anything traditional or non-traditional, you all should have the wedding you want regardless of your age. If you want to wear a veil do it!

    I wore a veil and strapless gown and didn't feel at all silly but that's what I wanted.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP July 2016
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    I'm 38 now, but will be 40 when we get married. FH will be 37. This is actually my 3rd marriage but his first. I've gone for the off white dress, my eldest daughter is my MoH, and my youngest is one of my BM. My son is going to give me away... As for the image.... yes, I was a little embarrassed walking into the bridal store to try on dresses. I was worried they'd start talking to my daughter and try to sell her a dress.

    • Reply
  • Lara
    Master July 2015
    Lara ·
    • Flag

    I'm not in my 40s, but I'm 32 and this was my husband's second marriage...yes, I felt that the image of the traditional bride was much younger and her mate, never married. I did, at times, feel silly for planning a somewhat traditional wedding (especially the fact that only H's immediate family attended, while my entire extended family did). But in the end, there was nothing ridiculous about it. I kept parts that were important to me (no veil, champagne dress, making sure the ceremony talked about us as individuals, etc) and the outpouring of love was insurmountable and it was a most perfect day.

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs S
    VIP January 2016
    Future Mrs S ·
    • Flag

    I'm 40 now, will be 41 when my FH and I get married. It will be my 3rd and his first at 28. As for the veil, don't feel silly. I was having doubts about getting one since this is my third, but I was assured on here, it completes the bridal look. Do it up, Girl.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP July 2016
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    Laura, that's about how mine will be, only opposite. I'm sure some of my family and friends will come, but since I'm a veteran and most of my friends are scattered at different duty stations, I'm not sure how many will come. I'm sure most of the guests that attend will be his family, since this is his first wedding.

    • Reply
  • Kelli
    Master September 2015
    Kelli ·
    • Flag

    I am 51! This is second marriage for both of us. It's your wedding - do what you want! I thought I was going to scale back on the dress and get something subdued ... I ended up buying a long ivory dress with a train and bling! I tried on a couple of veils and thought I looked silly in them so I am just doing a hair comb. But if you like the look of the veil, go for it!

    @Jennifer - my daughter is 25 and my MOH. Every time we have gone into the bridal shop for the first visit, fittings, etc. They always look at her - and then she points at me and says "she's the bride!" LOL

    • Reply
  • ReneeCool
    Super December 2013
    ReneeCool ·
    • Flag

    I was 39 (just 4 months shy of 40) when I got married. DH is just a few months younger than me. It was the first marriage for both of us. The only thing I knew I was going to stay away from was the big ballgown-type dress, which I think of as being for someone younger. I didn't think that I would like it anyway, but I didn't even try one on for the fear that I would like it. Smiley smile I kept my dress pretty simple and sophisticated, but other than that, had the traditional wedding and didn't give any thought to my age.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    VIP June 2015
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    JuleeM, I'm 42, and married my 36 year old husband a month ago. This is both our first marriage. We invited 120 - nearly all were family, and the rest close friends - and had 80 attend a 2pm Sunday wedding in a historic barn outside Baltimore, MD. Everything I did was exactly traditional and normal, except I did not want bouquet toss, garter toss, or any special dances, but not because I'm 42 - that was just personal preference. We also cut the cake without inviting everyone to watch.

    Other than those anomalies - which are not age-related - everything I did was exactly the same as my SIL who married my brother at 28. I didn't wear a veil - but that's only because I forgot it in the hotel room LOL!!! I did actually have one...

    At 42, I am not even remotely like my mother was at 42, or anyone of her generation. Things are so different now... Garters?! that represents tearing a piece of cloth from the newlywed woman's undergarments when she consumated her marriage Ugh! Something blue? Ward off evil spirits and the evil eye! Something borrowed? supposed to be the undergarments of a married woman who'd given birth to children as a fertility talisman - gross! LOL... and white dresses and veils - not about purity originally. the white dress only dates to Victoria, and she wore it to show she could afford to wear a dress that would only be worn once because London was so disgustingly dirty, a white dress was impractical and frivolous - which, honestly, it still is! ;-)

    Forget everything you THINK you know about weddings. Forget the Wedding Industrial Complex and the magazines and websites with 20 year old models.... this is YOUR wedding, you're in love, and you should do exactly as you please. Now, go try on that veil and come back and tell us about it!


    • Reply
  • Cat On a Hot Tin Roof
    VIP May 2016
    Cat On a Hot Tin Roof ·
    • Flag

    I will be 45 and FH will be 41 when we both get married for the first time. We make jokes about having Save the Dates with phrases on it like "They said it would never happen..." Or "I know, we can't believe it, either" or "We finally found someone else to put up with our crap". And we are doing the traditional stuff, even the bouquet and garter toss. I may be strung up by some of the other ladies on here for saying this, but I will: I deserve to have the wedding I want. I refuse to compromise because I was smart enough to NOT marry the boy I was dating when I was in my 20's.

    • Reply
  • shonerk
    Devoted August 2015
    shonerk ·
    • Flag

    We are both 43...my first, his second. I have felt silly the whole time so we chose a small wedding on the beach and bbq afterwards. I really wanted a "bride" sweatshirt /t-shirt to get ready in but ultimately thought I would look like a dork. I did want to try on wedding dresses but didn't. Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • StitchingBride
    Master October 2014
    StitchingBride ·
    • Flag

    I was 43, and went through some of the same stuff. I loved 2 looks of dresses and one was modern, other traditonal and vintage. I got my head wrapped around the idea that I should go with modern, and though I always wanted a veil, i couldn't feel ok with wearing the big tradtional one I wanted.

    I made my gown as I had always planned to do, but I spent months making myself sick not understanding why i couldn't figure out the right modern look.

    finally realized why I couldn't find the right modern look, because modern did not make me feel like a bride! so I finally sat down at my sewing machine and created the traditional, vintage inspried bride on steroids look that I truely wanted.

    yes, some jaws hit the floor when I entered that chapel, but it was in a good way.

    worst thing that happened was a woman said to me 'I thought you were going to wear a simple dress'- then I reminded her that no, that was what she told me I should wear, I just never corrected her.

    even if I'd gone modern, I don't think there was any way I'd be happy walking down the aisle in anything I considered simple. Smiley smile

    I'd love to see you in some pictures wearing a veil, I bet you'd look amazing!

    my veil was the most jacked up veil I'd personally ever seen, and with my headpiece it was perfect. vintage inspired, blinged up with crystals, and just a little too much Smiley winking

    I had to wear a headpiece with my veil because it was so heavy it wouldn't stay on my head otherwise! but I wanted the headband, so all was good!

    I say try on all kinds of looks, and don't let your head get affected by those trying to tell you what is 'appropriate'. your wedding day is the day to look the way you want, and wear what makes you feel like a bride. just don't sell yourself short- you'll regret it!

    don't try pleasing others, you'll just end up unhappy!

    here's me in my veil- Smiley smile



    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    VIP June 2015
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    @Sharon - you DO deserve the wedding you want, and after watching my brother marry at 25 and divorce at 28, you're absolutely right. I met my prince at 36, married him at 42. No regrets.

    @Shonerk - I'm really sorry you felt silly about it all... for your 1 year anniversary, maybe you can renew your vows with just a few family and close friends, and get the dress you wanted... you should have the opportunity to have that experience, if you want it!

    • Reply
  • Future Mrs. Shermister
    VIP October 2015
    Future Mrs. Shermister ·
    • Flag

    I'm 38 and FH is 49 both our first marriage Smiley smile I'm wearing a veil it just completes the dress Smiley smile better to find the right man later in life than to have never found the one at all. <3

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    VIP June 2015
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    @StitchingBride - I've been on WW since early 2014, and this is the first time I saw your dress and veil...amazing!!! I remember a lot of your posts, and I'm so happy you finally got what you wanted Smiley smile You look stunning, and the veil looks straight from a vintage photograph. You're so talented!

    • Reply
  • shonerk
    Devoted August 2015
    shonerk ·
    • Flag

    Thanks ladies! In the end, it only really matters to me that I marry my best guy. I have a pretty sundress and will be with family.

    • Reply
  • StitchingBride
    Master October 2014
    StitchingBride ·
    • Flag

    Rebecca: thank you so much! Smiley smile that makes me feel so good! Smiley smile

    sorry, I didn't realize that you hadn't seen any pictures- sorry about that! Smiley smile I got burned on the wedding day (ironically it didn't' hurt much on the day) and the burn turned out to be far worse than I had thought, so that's one reason why I didn't do as much of the whole BAM stuff I had originally planned. I had to work on healing the stupid burn, then other stuff happened, so long story. but my wedding day was amazing, just what I wanted, as soon as I let myself be ok with everything I wanted in my heart Smiley smile

    just sent you a invite to connect Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • StitchingBride
    Master October 2014
    StitchingBride ·
    • Flag

    MoonRide: you go for it, and be the bride you want! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • SpringBride2015
    Super June 2016
    SpringBride2015 ·
    • Flag

    I'm 43 and FH is 44 and this will be both of ours first wedding. I totally understand your feelings. I did and said the same things, non-traditional, felt weird trying on dresses, etc. Especially because my only child is already married and has two daughters of her own! Also she will be my MOH and my granddaughter will be my flower girl. Not much about my wedding will be traditional but, wtf? I think i'm pretty much over the weird feeling and have fully embraced the whole concept with 82 days to go.... lol.

    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    My wedding day was my 56th birthday. The only real difference in the wedding for a younger and older bride is that the older bride is more likely to know her own mind. So for example, if you want a veil, you can certainly have one. But if you think you look better with a fascinator, or a hat, or no head covering at all, that's perfectly fine, too.

    • Reply
  • JuleeM
    Expert September 2015
    JuleeM ·
    • Flag

    Thanks ladies. You have succeeded in making me feel better. Smiley smile

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