any advice or just some reassurance!! dad not attending wedding...

i know he has time to change his mind, but if he doesnt, my question is should i ask my brother or grandpa to do a dance with me, or just not do one? either way i think it will definitely point out that my dad did not attend the reception.

i of course want to have my dad give me away at the ceremony, but some parts of me also agree with my mom. i have read all of the horror stories about the poor brides on here and the issues they have, i never thought it would happen to me! i guess i just want some reassurance that IT WILL ALL BE OKAY!! and any suggestions? just drop the father/daughter dance? ask someone else to do that dance with me?

Everything would work itself out :-)... I believe it's okay to still have your father walk you down the aisle, if that's what you truly want. You don't want to tell him he can't walk you down the aisle and regret it later. Like you stated, you want him to give you away at the wedding..

Not sure if the reception is right after the ceremony, but maybe you can do the father daughter dance earlier than you initially wanted to?

Possibly if FH also brings this to his attention he will stay for that as well. Sounds like he's trying to be there for both of you and doesn't want to disappoint either of you.

I'm sorry, but your dad is an asshole. It's YOUR wedding day that happens to fall on grandma's birthday. Is GRANDMA wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle and saying I DO's with the groom? Is GRANDMA having the first dance with the GROOM? Is GRANDMA cutting the cake with the groom?!?! Tell your dad to grow a set of balls and be a damn father.

My father lives in Jamaica and won't be there. I am going to walk down by myself and won't do the father daughter dance since my father won't be. My FH also won't do the son and mother dance since I'm doing doing a father daughter dance... The only special dance would be FH and I first dance...

Do what works for you and what you're most comfortable with. I can ask my older brother to walk me down the aisle, but I'm choosing not to... It will all workout, hun :-)

You have time still -- I'm sure he'll come to his senses.

And if he doesn't, (I'll beat him up! lol!) I think it would be sweet if you danced with your grandpa.

That really sucks. Some people are so selfish and can't take their eyes off themselves for at least one day.

But aside from that, it will be okay if he walks you down the aisle and then leaves. Skip the father/daughter dance and like Shamika said maybe ask your FH to skip the mother/son dance so it's not so noticeable that your dad isn't there.

Main thing is that you're marrying your FH. Focus on you and your FH and your Big Day

I would talk to your dad and tell him exactly how you're feeling and what you both will be missing out on if he doesn't go to the reception. I don't understand how it will but your grandma on a pedistal if he shows up to your wedding. He's there to celebrate your marriage, not your grandma's birthday...

Your dad is a DICK. I would not even consider having him "give you away". Have your brother or grandfather or someone else who is not going to act like a pouty 2 year old have that honor.

@Shamika, I know my FMIL wants to do a dance with FH, so i wouldnt want to take that away from them both... but thank you for your kind words, i usually go to my mama for this kind of advice, but i already know her responses!! lol

@OTW, exactly. and if she were to be put on a pedistol, it would be because I WANTED to, not because she wanted it. she will be 80, he can preach and preach about "letting things go" and "sucking things up" but he will not take his own advice. hypocrite. aggrivates me, but then i think to myself "you only have one dad, blah blah blah..." that's the heart in me, lol

@augustbride, hahah thanks!! i'm sure you'd have some people on your side! lol

@graycatvintage, that is exactly what my mom is telling me, but i wouldnt want to regret it down the road. if he wants to stick with his selfish decision, and regret it, that's his fault. but when you put the words "honor" in there, it makes it easier to say screw you.

@nay & mrs shannon k, thank you for the advice, i hate crying in front of my dad, so having a conversation will be extremely tough!

I'm so sorry he's behaving that way. I hope he comes to his senses and decides to fully participate in your wedding. If you are ok with him walking you down the aisle, then if I were you I'd probably drop the father/daugther dance. I'd probably skip it as well if someone else walks you down. My mom had her brother give her away, and just skipped that part.

I never really wanted my father to walk me down the isle. I even considered letting someone else do it (a close cousin of mine) or I'm fine just walking alone. However, my father has informed on more than one occasion that it is important to him. So I conceded to let him do it, even though we've never been super close and he wasn't around much while I grew up. He's still my dad.

But now that I am engaged his health is bad. He probably won't be able to walk with me for that reason. Definitely won't be able to dance. He says he may have to sit at the front and just stand up to give me away. He wants my little brother to walk with me up to him. Which I love my brother, but I think it's silly. I can walk myself. I still kinda want my cousin to do it, but I don't even know if there will be room for us to walk side by side at our location.

All that said, I think you are much closer to your dad than I am to mine. A lot of us have dad's with issues, but don't miss out on something and regret it later over that. He doesn't have to deserve it. You deserve it if it's what YOU really want. He's probably not thinking of all the little special moments he'd miss... walking with you, dancing with you, etc... Like you said. Once you brought it up he did want to be there. Sometimes men just don't think. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care.

If it were me.... I would let him cool down. I'd probably need to cool down a bit too. Then explain to him the specifics of what you want from him... the dance, etc... and what it would mean to you and he shouldn't miss it. A little guilt trip doesn't hurt. But that's just me.

Beyond that. Enjoy your day and don't let it get to you if it's doesnt' turn out exactly how you want.

My dad has to watch my mom and her new husband dance together at the reception and I feel pity for him. I really do. My advice is don't get involved with their stuff just try and be unmoveable if you can by their issues. If he walks you down the aisle you're lucky right

I hate that your dad is making this about his pain and the divide between your mom and him!!! I think you should remind him that his is your day and that you would really like to have a father daughter dance as part of YOUR day. I would also put in there that it is ulimately his choice but if he chooses not to come to the reception that it will be hurtful and disrespectful to you and your FH. Then let him decide. It sounds like he is fueled with revenge right now and isn't even thinking about you.... which considering it is your wedding - is really $hitty

I agree that this is a terrible position that your dad is putting you in, and that you should have a talk with him about it. It sounds like he needs to be reminded about who this day is actually about. Once things are put into perspective for him, hopefully he'll see how much his actions are hurting you.

That is a very selfish thing of your dad to do. I could imagine how much it hurts your feelings for him to do that to you. Your grandmother has a birthday every year and I'm sure she would understand if your dad was at his ONLY daughters wedding on her birthday. People celebrate their birthdays on different days all the time for Gods sake! That is no excuse to miss your wedding day. Seems like he is acting this way out of maybe resentment he has about the divorce. But that is not acceptable. Your wedding day is about YOU. Not about your mom, not about your dad, not about anyone but YOU. I don't care what feuding is going on between anyone......on that day everyone's differences need to be put aside.

I really hope your dad will come to his senses about what he said and if he doesn't I'm sure your grandfather or brother would be more than proud and honored to walk you down the isle and dance with you. You should definitely still do your dance

I got one better on you, my dad is REFUSING to come to the wedding at all, because he "doesn't approve". Pretty much he's being a selfish man child. Holding stupid grudges because FH told him a "tall tale" SEVEN years ago, when he was 18...because FH had trouble finding and holding a job FIVE years ago....just stupid stupid things. He hasn't directly told me that he isn't coming, but he's said it to my mom several times, and hasn't really acknowledged that there is a wedding happening in 99 days. Seeing as my dad and I have had a kind of rocky relationship for 8 years...I can't even bring myself to talk to him about it. It just makes me angry, and makes me cry...I just can't understand how a person can do something so selfish, and really horrible to their own daughter.

Edit: To not draw attention to the fact that he's not coming, whether he changes his mind or not, FH and I will be walking down together. And we didn't plan on doing any of the dances anyways.

What the hell is wrong with him that he's choose a bday over your wedding day? Isn't grandma invited?

I promise, while this feels HUGE right now, on the day of, it will barely be a blip. My best friend wouldn't come home from Nepal, which I understood but was disappointed about, my grandfather refused to come, which I was disappointed about and *didn't* understand, and then, the night before the wedding, my mother became quite ill and missed it. I thought about my mom during the formal pictures, my friend and grandfather not at all. There were too many loving family and friends to worry about the ones who couldn't or wouldn't be there. I promise it will be the same for you. You'll be mad before, you may think of him once when you start down the aisle, and maybe during the posed pictures, but that wll be all.