Anxious Fiancé

We had this same issue. DH is incredibly introverted; I don't know if he was anxious about the big wedding we had planned. We ended up doing a private ceremony for other reasons (family health issues), and it worked much better for him. We're still hosting our large reception as scheduled because it is already paid for and we do want to celebrate with our friends and family who weren't invited to the private ceremony. Maybe you could split the difference and have a private ceremony followed by a large party later. It could be that he is nervous about so many people witnessing such an intimate event. Good luck.

I have to say that the wedding of my dreams is one that fh and I both look forward to and enjoy. I would never want to plan anything that makes him anxious and like wise. Could you just have a small intimate ceremony with immediate family and then a celebration party ?

I just wouldn't put him through totally unnecessary anxiety for the sake of a wedding vision

Also I totally get that he needs to work on it but your wedding should not be the place for him to work on it

Can you put it back and give him more time to work on it?

2016beachwedding - I wish I could like your post a hundred more times.

Putting it off or making it smaller prob won't really help in his case. (I get that it could in some) but for him the anxiety has grown with the wait time. If it were up to him (but we can't because of other restraints) we would move it up. It's the waiting and thinking about it that causes it for him. Also the ceremony isn't the part that makes him anxious, it's more the expectations to social with our guests and such. We have talked about many options and are still working on it. We were more curious if others have dealt with this and what they chose to do. Also those who suggested it, he already does have a prescription for anxiety and will probably take it that day.

My fh is very much the same way. so I think he plans to have an extra drink.

I am a therapist. I practice cognitive behavioral therapy, and anxiety/phobias are one of the easiest things to treat with this style of therapy. Two sessions with a decent therapist would be plenty. A therapist can't prescribe meds, though-- if he wants to try medication (and the meds for anxiety are generally good-- I always tell my clients with anxiety, "You know, you can also try meds *with* therapy, if you want...." cause I want them to know all their options) he needs to talk either to his doctor or a psychiatrist.

My husband was the same way. He wanted to get married, not have a wedding and the closer we got the worse he was about the wedding. But the day of he did very well. He said he was so in the moment and focused on me and the minister he really didn't think of the guests once it started. And at the reception he was just fine.

I personally have struggled with anxiety most of my life. One thing i might suggest is talking to his best man about it so he can help calm him before the ceremony. One thing i do (as silly as it sounds) when my attacks start coming is have my FH say a city and i name the sports teams. This makes me think a little and distracts my mind from what is causing my attack. This has worked lots of times for me before a big event that has triggered an anxiety attack. I know a lot of people who swear by essential oils or more naturally supplements. They never hurt to try and see if they help him! I really hope you two find a good solution i know how debilitating it can be! Just continue to stay positive with him and understanding, that will help keep him positive too!

I am with him too! My comfort will be that FH will be there, my favorite person in the world-and the only one that matters in that moment is him. I've also been told it'll go SO fast you'll barely feel it!

I've been on beta blockers for anxiety before and i'm contemplating going to my doctor and getting a prescription just so I can have it on my day of. I probably won't even take it but just in case. Hope that helps!!!

Also, and I know this is kind of a debbie-downer thought to some people but it was/is freeing to me. When I was in my brother's wedding in October, I felt like I was going to pass out just standing there feeling trapped in a spot in front of people. At one point I just thought, "you know what..if I pass out they'll be just as married. It'll be fine." And you know what? The anxiety diminished and I was fine! On my own wedding day I'm taking the idea that it's my party and I'll faint if I *have* to.

That sounds weird but it works for me! And I highly doubt I'll pass out. Once I acknowledged the fear of fainting wasn't as scary as it sounded, the anxiety started to lessen!