Anxious Fiancé

This is going to be a very out there suggestion, and I would like to preface it by saying I am not a doctor so take this anecdotal advice with a grain of salt.

I have struggled with a lot of anxiety issues, but hate the side effects of medication and wanted to avoid it. When I was figuring out how to manage my anxiety, I went to my local Vitamin Shoppe and talked with a consultant there. She was extremely knowledgable and pointed me to a vitamin supplement called PharmaGABA. It was a chewable tablet like a Tums. When I felt a panic attack/overwhelming anxiety coming on, I took 1 or 2. I was SHOCKED at how well it worked. Seriously, I am such a skeptic but they work amazingly well. Plus, no bad side effects. It might be something to consider just to help manage anxiety on the day of. It's what I plan to use!

I'm not affiliated with V.S./the company in any way, just wanted to share what worked for me. Definitely something to consider if his anxiety is overwhelming and goes beyond just "wedding jitters".

He and I are in the same boat!

I took anxiety meds and drank champagne to curb the worst of the jitters. I hateeee public speaking.

I feel his pain ! Just gonna have to have some extra champagne before that scary walk down the aisle !

If he suffers from anxiety disorders, like I do, maybe it would be good for him to see a therapist a few months before the wedding and work on some coping techniques for said day. They can also prescribe him some meds to choose to use the day of. Just having the meds as an option may ease his anxiety without even taking them!

Kathryn! Love your comment, I'm going to check that out. Thanks!

ETA: spelling

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I really don't like the advice of having extra champagne. No one wants booze breath or glossy eyes during their wedding ceremony. Plus, its an awful coping mechanism.

I would say to see a doctor/therapist. I used to have horrible anxiety, but didn't like the medicine. My mom forced me to do pageants before I moved in with my grandparents, and getting on stage literally made me sick. I tried meds for a while but felt like a zombie. A therapist taught me breathing/coping excersizes that really helped. That was 20 years ago, and I still use the methods they showed me.

@FutureMilitary- A glass of champagne doesn't give you booze breathe or glaze your eyes lol. It also shouldn't start bad habits, because alcoholism is totally different. Hell, I'm an insomniac too and if it's not Unisom it's a shot of wine.

@OP- The best thing I ever did for my social anxiety was do some CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to learn some coping methods. Also just as a warning, while I do fully intend on enjoying myself with some alcohol and will most likely have some champagne before the ceremony so I don't have an anxiety attack (and I don't really like the idea of taking meds either, I personally don't think my case is all that bad), I have experienced an anxiety attack AFTER having had a drink or two. Granted, it was a very crowded bar/club, and people were so tightly packed they were against me so I don't think it'll be a situation to worry about at your wedding, but too much alcohol might make any coping skills he learns be less effective. (Also not licensed in this...yet lol)

I have the same thing happening with my FH he is super anxious about the attention that will be on him because he hates when all eyes are on him. We've talked about it and I think he's starting to feel better about it. I love attention lol, so I've promised him I will try and get most of it and he can slink back in a corner haha

My FH is not very social, I think it's because he's an only child, but then again so am I. One thing that I'm not looking forward to is reading our wedding vows. I think I'm fine I have two people read our vows on our behalf. I know I'm not going to be able to get through them without crying like a baby. lol

I am right there with him. I've had two panic attacks about it already. I don't even want to walk down the aisle because I don't want people looking only at me. I might just be standing at the front with FH when everyone gets there.

Call me crazy but why are you planning your dream wedding when it is something that gives him anxiety attacks? shouldn't you be planning something really low key that will make him much more comfortable at his own wedding?

I have social anxiety coupled with panic attacks. What I did was use coping techniques. For a few weeks before, I would go over the ceremony in my mind. What I would do/say. This helps me be more comfortable with it. I also had my DH help me. When I started to have a panic attack, he helped me with my breathing to calm me done. Also, I had a glass of champagne right before and that calmed me down immensely.

When walking down the aisle, I only focused on DH. I tuned everyone else out. With so much to do, I was fairly busy at the wedding and I didn't suffer from anxiety much.

Thanks for the advice!

@Jeleebeenz this is something we discussed for a while. He was with me on wanting to have a wedding. He was all for having it however I wanted it to be. He encouraged me to make it my dream wedding. Now as we get closer, yes he is getting anxious, but he gets anxious about many social settings and that can't stop us living our lives. As you can see I'm working with him trying to help him, but I also can't stop doing everything I love because he gets anxious.

Maybe I seem harsh, idk, but I feel that I need what I want as well.

Futuremrswelch my point is the creation of "instead of getting a proper diagnosis, solid coping skills, and maybe medication I'm just going to drink even more alcohol before my vows on my wedding day". If you replace "wedding day", any other situation would sound as bad. "I'm nervous about a job interview so I'm just going to drink more champagne before it" "I'm nervous about giving birth so I'm just going to drink more champagne before it"

Plus, depending on his diagnosis, alcohol could react differently than how most people would

Catie, my advice would be to keep the guest list small. I would only invite people that your FH is completely comfortable with and already knows.

As a civil officiant, I'm not allowed to marry anyone who appears to be 'under the influence.'

I've heard of religious officiants who will not conduct the ceremony if they smell alcohol on anyone in the wedding party!

Catie, let your officiant know that FH will be anxious. S/he can minimize the speaking parts, keep the ceremony short, and calm down your FH, if necessary. Whoever is good at calming your FH should be the Best Man -- standing right beside him. Keep your guest list as small as possible. Have FH's parents where he can see them for reassurance.

You're absolutely right Catie! If you avoid the situations he is anxious about, his anxiety will only grow. Avoidance is key for anxiety and taking medications is really just another way to avoid the problem. I would recommended him talking to a therapist about it. A good therapist can pretty much cure his social anxiety and will definitely be able to help with his anxiety about the wedding. Hope that helps!!! Good luck to you and FH!!