Anxiety over certain guests

There were several people I was stressed about. One of my bigger concerns was a bridesmaid's boyfriend. He is abusive, and all around just nasty. She stays with him for reasons unknown. I wouldn't have even noticed him had he not thrown a hissy fit in the middle of the reception and left with her keys. I didn't notice the hissy fit. I noticed my BM coming up to me and asking for a distraction, and then tears. Ugh I hate him.

ETA- I like Jacqui's idea of hiring security. We had a police officer at ours since we had underage people there, and he ended up being a huge help at not letting the boyfriend back in the reception. He actually sat him down and talked to him for a good 20 minutes before escorting him off the premises.

I'm worried about my own mom. And if my dad shows up...phew. That's a whole other ball of wax. So I hear you. It's tough, but almost everyone has these unsavory characters in their lives.

My suggestion to you is to do something similar to what I am: my FI's family (who is very sweet and helpful) has the lowdown on who may be a problem (might get on my nerves, cause me stress, be difficult, etc). For lack of a better word, FH's family will "chaperone" or "run interference". For example, if my mom is driving me nuts, FMIL will direct my mom's attention elsewhere. If she's being negative about something at the reception, one of the other guests will make sure it stays at the table. We're picking who she sits with carefully.

I know it sucks (I wish it didn't have to be that way). But letting some key people know and asking them for their help is probably the best thing to do. There is so much going on that day, you probably won't notice...and with some help from friends/family, it's even less likely.

Not married yet, but I have at least one invited guest like that, family on FH's side. Honestly I'm hoping she won't come, but if she does I plan to sort of ignore her aside from a greeting when I first see her and a smile if we cross paths again. It's only hard to ignore people like this if you allow yourself to focus on their actions. Focus on the good: the love and support from the rest of your guests, and the pleasure of marrying your brand new spouse. If you have a legitimate concern that someone may cause a scene or disrespect your other guests (I have this concern) then designate one or two people to be the diffuser or hire security.

There will be enough going on that these people will be "diluted" from the overall day. I also wouldn't let the fact sister in law isn't trying to get to know you bother you, she just might be a more distant person. Not something to be stressed over.

It will only impact your wedding day if you let it. Most of Nick's toxic people ended up not coming- and we could have been sad about that or not given 2 fucks. We decided to not give 2 fucks and chose to be happy and not let anything bother us. The only person who can damper your day is YOU by choosing to focus on the negatives

That’s actually a great idea, to have a few people be on the look out to help us diffuse any uncomfortable situations with these guests. I hadn’t really thought about that, but I think it would help me to relax more, having that plan in place.

@Jeanne I wish it were as simple as her being a distant person, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. She is bubbly and talkative to my in laws, to FH’s extended family, to family friends... She is not reserved by any means, and is very outgoing. It genuinely seems like she doesn’t like me.

You won't notice. My MOH was on some medication that made her kind of crazy and she had this crazy boy drama freak out during my reception. There were so many people and the night was so amazing that there were only a couple times I asked where she was and everyone just said she was outside and had some drama and that someone was with her. People will genuinely try and keep your knowledge of drama to a minimum so that you will continue to have fun.

Sorry if I made that sound heartless, but you don't need to worry about any drama on your wedding day. Anything that happens can be addressed later.

I agree with the previous posters that suggested finding someone to "run interference" if there are issues. My mom flipped out that I invited my half-sister to my wedding and didn't want to be anywhere near her, so I had a quick conversation with my brother about keeping them apart, since he knows the situation. DH was assigned to keep an eye on his grandmother at his sister's bat mitzvah for similar reasons.

I'm running into that as well. My father's side can be a little unpredictable so we'll see what happens.

Designating someone to run interference is genius! I am worried about my mom starting an argument over anything and everything (a common occurrence since my parents are going through a divorce) so I think I will definitely have someone make sure people are happy and things run smoothly, especially around us the day-of. If someone needs to have a freak out, do it somewhere else, I have enough to worry about that day!

I second the brides who have said you won't notice. I had a few people like this as well and was really worried about it, but the absolute feeling of joy you experience in the moment pretty effectively mutes any possible negativity around you. It's a really overwhelming (in a good way!) feeling to be surrounded by people who love you and are so happy for you. It makes it really hard to care about the couple of people who aren't sharing in your happiness for whatever reason. You might find that those guests actually aren't even the problem you expected (weddings tend to make guests pretty happy), but if they are, just greet them politely, thank them for coming, and move on to the next guest.

I have "bodyguards" our Best Man's family are very close to my FH and I. All of them are coming. We've briefed them all on the trouble makers and they have our permission to escort anyone they deem disruptive off premises. Between them and my sister-in-law who will try to talk people down first I' fully expect to learn of any issues after the fact.

No advice here but I am in a very similar situation, and it is honestly my BIGGEST stress out of this whole darn thing. How sad is that?

We had 1 person who is kind of a drunk and two people on DHs side who didn't get along. Honestly I was so busy I didn't notice and I'm not going to waste time on it. If they really cause a scene there are enough people there to handle it and remove them without involving you. I wouldn't be too concerned. You probably won't talk to your FSIL because you'll be too busy to try to "get to know her" at YOUR WEDDING, the fiancé will create all the drama she wants and you won't hear it, and just say away from your grandma.

@annie said it perfectly. You are overwhelmed with positivity. When you are in that kind of mood-negative things don't even phase you. All the worried brides on here should be reassured that almost every single married lady on this thread said something minor may have happened, but as the bride, it went unnoticed.

If you are afraid that they may come to you with drama, then I would get a DOC that will keep people away from you. other than that, you'll be so busy I doubt if you'll even notice. you'll not have much time to talk to those you want to see, let alone those that you don't want to deal with

Well it's sad that many of you are facing similar problems. But it is nice to know that I'm not alone! I really hope that they don't phase me! I've always been a highly sensitive person, but I want to try hard to block all of the drama/discomfort out and enjoy the day.

@Mikayla I get it. This has been my biggest stress so far.

We didn't invite an uncle/aunt, on each side, for just those reasons. Our venue held a maximum of 100, over 10 tables, so it would have been easy to notice, if anything negative was said or done.

Honestly? I think your making a big deal out of nothing. It's family, they are who they are and I doubt they are going to go out of their way to make your day a miserable one. You will be so busy you probably won't give them a second thought.