Anxiety at thought of changing name...

I think it's okay to be anxious. Can you try to articulate what's holding you back?

You don't need to change it right away. I think you have up to one year to change it after your marriage free of charge.

My mom didn't change hers for 18 years.

Do what feels right to you. There is nothing "wrong" about changing or not changing your name.

I just don't like the idea of changing my name, I'm a very independent stubborn person (not saying someone who does change their name isn't independent at all) but it really is a super hard decision for me. I just feel it's unfair that it's a choice I have to make, I think the government/society makes it such a pain to have a joint life together and kids if you have different names (based on experience of friends). My fiance doesn't really care, I think he wanted me to change my name at first but he knows I've had such a hard time that he's accepted and doesn't care what I pick, so he's not an issue. I also feel that his family as well as many other friends have non-intentionally pressured me as well and that really frustrates me. I feel pulled in every direction and I just don't want to encourage it in my ceremony in case I really decide I'm not going to change my name.

If it gives you anxiety, then keep it! It does take some time to get used to, there's no way around it!

@Kristen, I definitely think it's normal to get anxious about it. Your name has been YOUR NAME for your entire life, it seems so odd that one moment can change it. It's also an exhausting process to legally change it, so I've heard a lot of anxiety on THAT half too.

Have you talked to your FH about your anxiety about it? That's where I would start.

All my degrees are with my maiden name so I have decided to keep my maiden name and add his last name to give me two last names.

Just remember that odds are you got your last name from your father anyway, so the name you have is arbitrary anyway. Choose the name you like. Yours, his, a new one, hyphenate, anything. It's all good. If you can't decide, do Kristen YourLast HisLast (no hyphen) and then if you just want to sign with his last on legal stuff later you can, but you keep them both.

Or you know, Kristen HisLast YourLast. Take his as a middle name if you like, so you have it, but it's not your identifier.

You can have them announce you as "And now, for the first time as husband and wife, please welcome Kristen and ____!"

Definitely have the DJ only announce your bridal party's first names too and that will give it symmetry.

OP I don't think I would have this conversation with anyone other than your FH, a neutral third party (us), or a best friend, because his family's opinions and your family's opinions don't matter in the least.

His opinion matters a little, but ultimately it is your decision. I would just vent your feelings to someone who will listen and provide neutral feedback.

Don't have it in your ceremony and give yourself time to decide.

Then don't change it? Lots of people on here are keeping their surnames. Certainly don't let anyone pressure you to change it. Also having differently last names doesn't make you any less married. It's a totally personal choice!

It's OK to be anxious. It's change we have to get used to. I was perfectly fine changing mine until I started changing everything. I suddenly got nervous thinking I was loosing my independence. What I did was put off changing everything until I became used to it. Now I'm fine. I'm still me, united to my husband, being my own person. A name takes nothing from you.

I agree with not changing your name right away to give you some time to get used to it or decide what you really want to do. Just be upfront with FH about it if it's something he thinks you are doing.

If you're uncertain about changing it, wait and see. Changing it is a huuuuugely irritating legal process, very expensive, lots of forms and waiting in lines or on hold with banks, etc. Don't put yourself through it unless you're sure you want to.

I decided not to change my name. I've had it for a number of years and quite frankly, I just didn't want to change it when I got married. My husband didn't care either way. My family was surprised that I wasn't changing it; but in the end it doesn't matter what their opinion is. My content with my maiden name and my husband was fine with it.

By the way, at the ceremony we were announced similarly to what @Sarah said "please welcome for the first time as husband and wife...". Even getting married in a conservative Catholic church they didn't bate an eye at introducing us this way versus the typical Mr and Mrs.

I'm definitely with you on the stubborn front! It's ridiculous that women are "expected" to or have to explain themselves if they don't. I've heard mixed things about how difficult the name change process is, but once you knock out SS and your drivers license most other things should change no problem. If you choose to keep your name that is your choice, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!

I'm not changing it. And many of my friends and professional colleagues have not changed theirs. FH doesn't give it a second thought. It's YOUR name. If you don't want to change it, don't.

I haven't changed my name and haven't made the decision of whether or not I'll change it. DH is okay either way but he want us to be announced as Mr. And Mrs. At the reception so we did that. Do what feels right and don't let anyone pressure you

We already have a child so I am changing it because my son has my fiancé's name.

Having anxiety as well. Can't fathom in one moment going from my maiden name which I've had for 25 years, to a new name. That is such a big life change to me and I know women do it all the time, doesn't make me less anxious about it. Also, I agree with an earlier comment that it is kind of one of those unfair societal rules.

We aren't changing any time soon.

I find it insulting that *I* have to be the one to change.

But I'm a big believer in equality- which means I don't think it's fair for him to have to change either.

I proposed a combination of our names (it works out well) and he just doesn't want to deal with it at all. which makes me sad b/c I want us to have the same last name as a family- but he doesn't care enough to want to go through the effort.

So for now- we stay as W and W. LOL