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e.b.
Dedicated October 2016

announcing my engagement/planning a wedding with a terminally ill parent

e.b., on June 5, 2016 at 4:39 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

Hello everyone, this is my first post on WW and I hope I can chat with some people that may have been in a similar situation. I really need an outside perspective on my situation. Here it is: My FI (hope I get all the abbreviations right!) and I have been dating for about 5 years. Within a year, I...

Hello everyone, this is my first post on WW and I hope I can chat with some people that may have been in a similar situation. I really need an outside perspective on my situation.

Here it is: My FI (hope I get all the abbreviations right!) and I have been dating for about 5 years. Within a year, I knew he was the one I wanted to marry, but we started seriously talking about marriage only about 1 year ago. We are both quite shy and were reluctant to make the leap and announce our intentions to everyone. Every time we were about to, it seemed like another family member announced their engagement (his sister, a close friend of ours, and 3 of my cousins!) and we continued to put it off. Finally, about December, we agreed. After his sister got married (the wedding was last weekend), we would finally make it official.

Then, between Christmas and New years this winter, my dad told me his doctors had given him 1 year to live and could no longer treat his cancer. (cont..)

27 Comments

  • Original VC
    Master July 2015
    Original VC ·
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    I'm really sorry about your dad, praying for him and your family. I can't imagine how hard this must be for all of you.

    I'm glad Susan saw this and was able to share. There's also someone else that got married in her parents' back yard so that her father could be there, and they had the reception on their original date (her dad had already passed away by the time they had the reception).

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  • ReneeCool
    Super December 2013
    ReneeCool ·
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    As others have said, this is a very personal decision. My two cents: My Mom was diagnosed with stage IV cancer about 8 months before our wedding (we had already been engaged for about a year). My Mom was 100% positive that she was going to be at our wedding and so were we - mind over matter. However, her prognosis was about 8 months. My DH and I talked about what to do if she started going downhill before our wedding. We decided that we would continue with our planning, but also get together all of the logistics of having a quick ceremony that my Mom could be a part of if needed. We were very fortunate that she was able to make it to the wedding. She passed about three months after the wedding. We honestly believe that the wedding helped her fight a bit longer and gave her something to look forward to.

    Best of luck to you and your Dad.

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  • OMW
    Master August 2013
    OMW ·
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    As someone who lost both of their parents before her wedding, I'd say plan it and have it as soon as you want. Once your dad dies, wedding planning and the wedding day itself will be incredibly difficult to emotionally handle.

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    Susan, as always, thanks for chiming in xox

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  • e.b.
    Dedicated October 2016
    e.b. ·
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    Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful comments. Its so helpful to hear from others who have experienced this. We made a dinner reservation for next wednesday (right after my dad's 67th birthday) where we plan to announce our engagement to our parents. After that... I feel way more prepared to have a discussion about their wishes and potentially plan something in the next few months. Thanks again to all the commenters!

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  • SoontobeMrsB
    Devoted August 2016
    SoontobeMrsB ·
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    My cousin and his now wife were in this same situation. They dated for a very long time and when they got engaged within a short time my uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer. They made the choice to put the wedding on the fast track so my uncle would be able to be there. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever attended. My cousin and his wife both agree now it was the best decision they made in respect to their wedding.

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  • OurAdventureBegins
    VIP October 2016
    OurAdventureBegins ·
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    I'm sorry for the news you received about your dad. Weather you plan quickly or take your time, remember to prioritize time with him too. ReneeCool has a good point - sometimes positive things to look forward to and mind over matter can outlive a diagnosis. My prayers go out to you and your family. Good luck with the engagement announcement!

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