And then he said "maybe we just shouldn't get married"

It sounds like you guys need to talk a lot more and go to counseling together. good luck

It sounds like couples counseling is in order here in addition to your individual counseling.

I second (third) the idea of taking counseling together. I wish you both the best of luck.

Counseling for sure, both couple and individual. I think every couple could benefit from it in some kind of way

Some people are very happy with living together, raising a family and not ever marrying. Look at the Swedes they are very pro-no need to get married.

Perhaps that is what you guys need. turn the burner down, enjoy being engaged, start to put some money away, and then revisit setting a date in a year or so.

I think maybe your realism crushed his romantic fantasy. Talk it out. He proposed for a reason.

Wait before throwing the ring back at him. People say things in the heat of the moment that they just don't mean. If y'all were already heated, he very well could have just said that in frustration.

Wait until your engines have cooled and talk again. Keep us posted.

I've always told fh I WANT to marry him but don't NEED to. We have been together 7 years, have a son together and work together as a fantastic team. I want to be his wife.

He got burned before with his ex wife so I never put pressure on, just asked him to be honest if a legal marriage was an option.

Can you see yourself in a forever relationship with him with or without the piece of paper? If yes, work on it together with a counsellor if need be

The two of you sit down and agree on getting married on a date and hours later you then tell him that you'll have to work your butts off to pay for the wedding. I can see why he reacted the way he did. Should he have said what he did? No, but look at it from his point. Who wants to be told that a lot of spare time will vanish and a second job will be required to pay for a party? Slow down, decide on your plans together and realize that your dream wedding might not be right for the two of you. As a number of brides are told, there's nothing wrong with a small wedding and a small dinner afterward.

The wedding is not the marriage; it's important to separate the two and figure out what kind of a wedding is going to work for you.

The mention of 'expense' is almost always volatile. Maybe it didn't occur to him that being married would entail a big expensive party; and truth be told, it doesn't.

Let things cool down and talk about what's really at the core here; is it a fear of commitment on either part? Or is it fear of planning and giant bills and that stuff?

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Keep the month and day but maybe post pone the year. That way you can afford a romantic wedding. My fh and I will have been engaged for 3 years by the time we actually have the wedding

What isn't said is often as important as what is said.

"Maybe we shouldn't get married" means one thing when it's said in the heat of an argument that is based on unmet expectations, a sense of betrayal, or in retaliation for a piercing insult.

"Maybe we shouldn't get married" means something entirely different when it's said after the realization that life is about to become a lot less fun because both of you are going to have to sacrifice and work to come up with the thousands of dollars necessary to fund a wedding.

Make sure you're ascribing the reaction to the correct situation -- as you can see, they are vastly different.

You say "all you're having is a back yard party" for your reception. It's a common mistake couples make -- back yard parties aren't always the budget friendly alternative people seem to believe they're going to be. Many times, you'll spend just as much renting literally everything (from floor to ceiling and everything that goes in between) as you would if you had chosen an all inclusive venue (which I would suggest). There are many ways to have a lovely wedding on a budget (notice I didn't say HUGE, but lovely).

So, hold on to that ring and have another discussion. Start out by telling each other that you're going to say what you mean, and if what you mean is "wow, that's a lot more money than I anticipated", then that's what you say, not, "maybe we shouldn't get married".

It sounds like neither of you are ready for married. You went to counseling to deal with the effects of your father cheating on your mother. But part of that is you have to understand not all men are the same. Just because you had one experience doesn't mean every other marriage is that way.

You both also need counseling to understand how to say what you mean. And how to discuss things like finances and stressful things. Before you set a date and start planning I would go to premarital counseling.

Is it possible that he's been wanting to set a date for the last ten months but has been really patient with you because he loves you and knows what youre struggling with. So after setting a date and hearing a negative comment 24 hours later may be a little frustrating. He's probably got some frustrations bottled up but hasn't wanted to voice them. Let him cool down. You cool down. Then talk to each other.

I'd say postpone it a year and give yourselves more time or have small ceremony and dinner. Counseling won't hurt either

I was wondering the same exact thing Melissa said. Maybe what you said didnt come out with the sound that you are excited at all and he acted on frustrations he already had. If it wasnt in a heated argument then sit down and talk to him.

I'm just going to throw it out there, but could it be that he's trying to cater to your fears, given how your dad's affair was such a traumatic event for you?

I'm with PPs over throwing back the ring and going counseling. You two need to sit down and have a calm discussion about expectations. Your wedding doesn't have to break the bank. There are many, many ways of having a beautiful day and hosting your guests properly, if that is what you both want. But you definitely need to work out how to effectively communicate with each other.

Good luck!

Try to talk it out together. Marriage is supposed to be FOREVER, and that can't happen without great communication. If you find yourselves struggling to communicate, I would definitely consider counseling.

If marriage scares the shit out of you, it really doesn't sound like you are ready. If you love him and he loves you, he will always be there. You need to do what feels right. If marriage scared me that much, I sure wouldn't be running into it head first.