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Champion July 2019

Am i Wrong

Veronica, on January 25, 2020 at 6:04 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 28

My husband dated a girl that is friends with people in his friend group so she is invited to parties. One of the groomsmen's has a daughter who is turning one in March and we are invited to her birthday party, but my husband's ex is going to be there. We have gone to dinner once with her there...
My husband dated a girl that is friends with people in his friend group so she is invited to parties. One of the groomsmen's has a daughter who is turning one in March and we are invited to her birthday party, but my husband's ex is going to be there. We have gone to dinner once with her there before and I felt so uncomfortable and my husband said everything felt real awkward because I didn't really talk the whole night and it was obvious I didn't want to be there. My husband has told me numerous times she is crazy and that's why they broke up. She is also the girl he slept with when we briefly broke up and he kept that from me for about a year. She apparently had been under the impression they would get back together instead him and I got back together two weeks later. When we went out to dinner before she had a boyfriend, but she is single. She also messaged him on our honeymoon congratulating him, but during that conversation she mentioned how she's now single and how he was such a great boyfriend. I am just so uncomfortable around her. I think part of it is he is the only guy I have been intimate with. He has been intimate with other women, but she's the only one he was actually ever in a relationship with. The rest were just girls he hooked up with. My husband thinks I need to get over it since he obviously married me and not her. Am I Wrong for not wanting to be around her?
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28 Comments

  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    You absolutely do not have to "get over it". You do need to trust and feel secure in your relationship, but he's right he married YOU and if you aren't cool with this girl you shouldn't have to spend all this time with her. it's also inappropriate for her to be messaging him in my opinion, but you can't control her.


    I think this needs to be a conversation you have with your husband about how to best keep your distance from her.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A lot of us do manage to get on fine with our exes and each other's. Not best friends, but we see some of the same people, and 2 of the 3 who were at our wedding were with a relative of one of us, whom the ex marries a few years after we ( or FI) split up.
    You are the one giving this person so much power. He went back to you. He married you. Don't wreck your marriage by. Mistrusting your husband, because you have a problem. Maybe you need to talk this through with someone. You sound very young, and jealous. There is no reason exes cannot be civil, and their new spouse be polite about it. I never dated anyone over a period of time, that was not a genuinely nice and interesting person. We broke up because we did not have enough between us for long term. We lost interest in being constantly together, and began to chafe at being together. If you split up not wanting to be more than generally friendly, and find genuine, want to be together forever type love with someone else, exes can be long term casual friends. Not everyone makes an enemy of their ex. Loss of interest then, means no threat now
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  • Natalie
    August 2021
    Natalie ·
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    I wouldn't want her around either but maybe she is just being nice. Anyway her stories about how she is alone are strange and even though your husband is right (you are married now, not they!) you aren't wrong. I'd be worried too.

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  • Kendra
    Devoted August 2020
    Kendra ·
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    I think you need to have a very open and honest conversation with your husband. While he may not see it as an issue, she does not seem to honor your marriage. You cannot control her, but your husband can make choices to set boundaries.


    I think you can be civil around ex's. My FH has a daughter with an ex-gf and man...she is tough to be kind to. But I don't have a choice if I want to set a good example for my future bonus daughter. I would highly recommend you get counseling too. It may be very helpful for both of you to talk through what's going on here. It seems that there may be more than meets the eye. I think setting healthy boundaries is crucial to any relationship.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    I am with everyone else, I wouldn't want my H to be around my Exes and I def don't want to be around his. His ex is friends with 30 of my FB friends & we could possibly have the same situation where we are invited to a party she is too and it would be a hard no from my H. He would never put me or himself in that situation. It's gross.

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  • Katelyn
    Devoted October 2020
    Katelyn ·
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    I understand why you would not want to be around her 100%.

    However, I would not give her that power over you. I am the jealous type, unfortunately. If I were in this situation, I would attend the event just to be sure she knew I was in the picture and I will not be submissive and allow her to try to ruin our relationship. Don't let her rain on your parade - try to be there and support your husband.

    Luckily, my FH has never put me in this situation, but I have been in it before and it is not a fun time. Good luck!

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I would want nothing to do with her, and honestly, it would deeply hurt me if my husband continued a friendship with someone like that. I would suggest talking with a marriage counselor together, as this kind of issue can get really nasty if it continues without help from an unbiased third party.

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  • Suzie
    Super October 2021
    Suzie ·
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    He doesn’t get to dictate who you are sociable with. If she was “just” an ex, maybe not such a big deal, but the fact that he went to her during your break, and he hid it from you, AND she messaged him during your honeymoon? Nope. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, and your husband needs to understand that you have a right to feel this way. I would never friend this person. I do think you shouldn’t let her presence keep you from events, but you def don’t need to socialize with her. You can say hi and move on, and keep it at that. Just remember you won, so go flaunt that wedding band in her single girl face LOL. JK... kinda Smiley winking

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