Am I wrong for being disappointed?

We moved in with my parents more than a year ago to help them pay their mortgage, and have since become unable to afford our own place because of the absurd amount of money we are paying my parents for rent. The other night, in a desperate attempt to console myself, I deleted 85% of the things that we had registered for for our wedding. I stated on our Registry page (wedding website) that what we need more than anything is a place of our own, but that if they really felt inclined to purchase a gift, our registry was listed below. The only things left are absolute necessities (unlike the $300 Kitchen Aid mixer and my Dyson vacuum that I deleted). Long story short, now I’m wondering if there’s even any sense in having a bridal shower? People could still buy fun things like lingerie and gag gifts, and more than anything I would just love to be around my female friends and family. I gave my mom my guest list over a month ago…

...now we’re 40 days away from the wedding and no one has heard a thing. Do I have a right to be disappointed, or should I just forget the whole thing?

Caitlyn my eyes are filled with tears; you should be disappointed and you have every right to. It sucks when the one's closets to you do not give you the attention and dedication needed for this important day.

I wish there was something that I could do to help you; no bride should feel this way ever! Especially 40 days prior to her wedding.

Maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart with your close ones; allow them to see your emotion and the obvious pain it is causing you.....

Don't assume they know; make sure they do...

My heart goes out to you; I hope everything works in your favor...

You are not wrong....I hope that you can get over this. I was married before and things did not go as I had envisioned so I can sympathize with you. I hope that despite what is going on around you, your experience is what you want and more! Do you think you mom has not done it due to your parents financial situation? Do you have any good & close friends, aunts, church members you can talk to who can help your situation? What bout your bridal party? You will be in my thoughts!

My heart goes out to you because I know how you are feeling. I just keep trying to focus on the fact that our wedding is just one day out of our lives and I will get the greatest gifts of all and that is to be married to the most amazing man and getting to spend the rest of my life with him.

I went through a huge disappointment when someone who was "my best friend" that my family literally did almost everything for, was not there for me the one time I really needed a friend. I was really upset but my dad offered me a harsh but realistic lesson (I'm very blessed to have my dad) that sometimes, even though you don't want to, you should expect nothing of people, so that you are never disappointed.

It's harsh, but I have found it to be true for some. I'm not saying you should lower expectations all around so that you're never disappointed (I believe there is a degree of accountability you can hold people to) but if they haven't been there for you yet, be there for yourself! If they've proven they won't step up in the past, don't expect them to - and if they do, it will be all the more special.

If I were you, I'd be disappointed 1000%, embrace your feelings - but maybe just accept that part of them and count your blessings if they change their tune! Hang in there..

Oh love! My heart is breaking for you! I can't imagine not getting to experience those special moments (bridal shower, etc) without support from my family and friends. I wish we were closer! I love to throw parties!!!! Chin up love....at the end of the day, what matters is you and your love are married and now have your OWN life to live together!

You have the right to feel however you feel. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes. If you need support you know us WW ladies are here for you.

You can't help but feel the way you do and you don't have to apologize for feeling disappointed.

@Caitlin- I won't be having any bridal showers mostly due to distance. I knew that was the case but it still hurt my feelings that no one really offered. I think it's totally fair to be disappointed. If you haven't already it might help to tell your fiance how you feel. It really helps just to talk about it, because the way you feel isn't going to go away.

Caitlyn I am so sorry you are saddened right now. I really wish there was something I could do to help or support. I agree with Brian C. your feelings are your feelings, you are not wrong o feel this way. Honestly I would feel the same. As Beth G. mentioned, do you have a bridal party? Anyone else that may be able to at least help you put it together? Aunts, cousins? What about just inviting some of your close friends out to do something you like to do, it wouldn't have to be a formal bridal shower at a restaurant or anything like that, just an outing or get together. Even if you resort to doing it yourself just bask in the fun of it and try not to let the fact that no one else stepped up to the plate, ruin the occasion for you.

Catlin, you have every right to be dissapointed. I would personally be more upset that my parrents weren't excited enough to want to do something nice. We are also paying for our own wedding, and I am probably not going to have a bridal shower because of distance. Something you may thing about is a money tree. Have a small get together with your close friends and just invite your sis and mom, if you want to. And then have people spread the word that you are going to set up a money tree on the gift table at the wedding for the soul purpose of helping you get your own place. Go ahead and put some extras on your registry. That way you still get to have a fun day with your friends. You will get more money at the wedding than you would normaly. And you may get some extra stuff that you wanted.

You have every right to be disappointed. But it does seem to me that every-one is struggling a bit financially, if your parents are relying on you to cover their mortgage, they may not have extra in funds to also pay for wedding and shower expenses.

From a very practical point of view, if no-one is willing or able to help host a bridal shower for you, I would not spend my own money on it.

And honestly if you are paying an absurd amount of rent than maybe you 2 should think about finding a place to rent that is less expencive. Even if it is just a small apartment it would get you out from under their thumbs and give you a chance to save up some money for a better place. I know its hard being family, you feel obligated to try and help them. I understand I've help my folks out quite a bit too. But it needs to be a two way street. They need to be willing to help you out when you need and they have the ability as well. If they are not, it may be time to put your foot down with some tough love. Tell them that if they want your support, you want theirs equally.

Where are you? If you are near me, I will do what I can to help

I am so sorry Caitlyn. Emotions are something you can't control. I know how terribly upsetting this must be for you. I also know that words can't heal a broken heart, but here is some small food for though. No matter how un-supportive your family or friends are, and no matter how much their actions make you feel un-special....there is one person who thinks you are amazing. He want's to spend the rest of his life with you, and that says a lot. To him you will be the most special person in that room on your wedding day. So when it hurts, remember how happy he makes you and focus on that. Because I am betting he is willing to deal with any kind of "hastle" for you!

This was me just a few weeks ago...It took me crying to my FH and him getting very upset that no one seemed to care...so he had a little chat with his mom and then his mom and best friend put together a bridal shower for me....THEN since my side of the family heard...now they are throwing me one...its sad that he had to do that...but oh well at least I got to have 2 parties... and as far as my bachelorette party went...i just decided to throw it myself! What the heck...im gonna have fun with or without certain people. I just had a secrets party at my house. It was a blast

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and advice. To try to answer some of your questions:

1. FH is a truck driver, so I will not see him until two days before our wedding, as he drives across country for work. I am working full-time and supporting our two year old son. It's not ideal, but it's what we have to do right now. Being away from home is hard on him, so I try not to burden him with minor issues like this here at home. He knows just as well as I do that more than anything, we need each other and we need a place to live. So I have not really stressed this issue to him because he has enough to deal with, plus I do not want to cause tension here at home with our families. I'd rather have peace than a bridal shower!

2. Parents were struggling when we moved in because my mother wasn't working. Now she's working and we are still paying out the wazoo for rent. I've expressed my issues with this to no avail. We will be moving out after the wedding, no matter what.

3. Bridal party consists of my older sister (MOH), sister-in-law (age 19), and my sister's best friend (a close, mutual friend). Without going into too much detail, they all have a lot going on in their lives at the moment, so again with not wanting to burden anyone.

4. My mother is getting remarried next May. We cant really have a conversation about my wedding without her getting off track about how great her wedding will be. Don't think I need to elaborate on that one...

5. At this point, I do not see a shower happening. It's just too close to the wedding date and it really would be too much hassle. I know I don't need a shower or bachelorette party to make my wedding memorable, but it would have been nice. So I'm just going to keep holding my head high and supporting my little family as best as I can on my own. My fiancé and I just keep reminding each other than things wiki eventually get better, and that all that matters is our love for each other and our commitment to one another.

Thanks again, everyone!!

Caitlyn, like everyone else I am so sorry to hear all of this. You sound so depressed. Listen - pull in all resources that you have and turn this thing around....at least just a little bit.

For your living situation, could there be a basement apartment or guest house available in your town? Get creative and look at situations you may have not thought of before - it doesn't have to be a traditional apartment thing and you might find something very reasonable. I had a basement apartment when I lived in Atlanta years ago. It was much cheaper than an apartment (I lived on my own).

As for the bridal shower, don't give up on this just yet. Do you have one girlfriend that you can confide in and help plan a luncheon party for yourself? Or can you do something through work friends? Don't give up on the dream of a shower - even if it is punch and a homemade cake at a girlfriend's apartment, you can still have everyone there together.

Good luck and hang in there.